Does everyone think their children are very smart?

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 5:03 pm

Most people have increased intelligence in some realm, whether it's academic, social, emotional, etc. It's great when parents recognize each child's strengths.

It's a shame that some people (perhaps more so in the frum world) get so stuck on academic achievement and fail to see the bigger picture. I have friends who were at the top of the class yet struggled so much in other areas. They honestly didn't come across as very smart in some conversationsm And there were also those who went through years of school feeling dumb, yet used their intelligence in other areas to achieve real success in adulthood.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 8:45 pm

One of my children is absolutely brilliant (yes, a firstborn!) but extremely intense, as someone else mentioned. She sees everything, forgets nothing and talks a mile a minute, all day long. I love her, but I'll admit, I often need a break from her. She demands a tremendous amount of energy.

Another daughter is clearly not brilliant and cannot answer simple questions that other kids her age might be able to, but when she wants to tell something over, she speaks eloquently. Her redeeming quality is that she is NOT brilliant; she is just happy to be a kid and her smile is ever present, melting hearts. Instead of draining energy, she gives energy.

So which is better? Go figure.
They're both great, in their own way.

amother

Oak

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 1:41 am

amother wrote:

I see a difference between my two kids. My oldest was walking and talking at 1, and in general is very inquisitive and thoughtful with a great memory.
My next child is more laid back- still not walking or talking at age 14 months. He seems less intense.

I would have said exactly that when my kids were toddlers/preschoolers.
Several years later - the toddler genius's friends are almost caught up to him. He's still bright and at the head of the class BH but not so exceptional anymore. He still has that intense and driven personality but that isn't so helpful in real life. But he'll be fine IYH.
Meanwhile the laid-back toddler who seemed more fun-loving and had no interest in things like learning how to read at age 3 - eventually started to blossom and while doing things at appropriate (not early) ages, seems to be doing them very well. What's more, he started displaying a lot of creativity. I think he will go far. Hopefully they both will!

So yes, I do see my kids as being smarter than usual, but in different ways, and I'm not that excited over precocious intelligence because I don't think it means anything for the future.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 6:54 am

DD didn't talk until she was 22 months. She said 3 words - and then it all came out in full paragraphs, with proper grammar! shock

Everyone called her The Little Professor.

At a school evaluation, she was 2 standard deviations ABOVE in speech, but 2 deviations BELOW in math and spatial skills. She was also a couple years behind her peers in social skills and emotional maturity. Still, they said that if her math skills were average, her IQ would be somewhere in the high 120's range.

DD has a lot of strengths, and a lot of challenges. She's super intense and a handful at times, but I wouldn't trade her for the world.

amother

Azure

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 12:37 pm

amother wrote:

Don't worry, I'm not predicting the future, and I'm loving both of my children the same boundless amount and hope for the best for each of them.

I see for myself that my A+ academic record hasn't done much for me. Its effort, creativity and resilience that count in real life.
I was just answering op's question...

amother

Peach

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 1:29 pm

My IQ is 142. I'm technically in the gifted category. I started reading at 3.

My kids are regular smart. They have their own areas of being really smart. One of my kids learned how to solve a rubik's cube at age 6. Another is doing fractions at 5 (not written, but you can ask him basic fraction questions and he knows the answers). None of my kids read before 6.

What I've discovered from talking to many educators is that 0-6 or so, kids develop so rapidly. Some really have rapid growth and seem brilliant, but it tends to even out with their peers as they age. Of course some kids will always be far above their peers.

Also, as kids age, hard work tends to surpass natural ability. I never picked up the hard work skills, so I lagged behind my less intelligent peers.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 1:47 pm

I don't delude myself into anything, I check how my kids are doing in a specific area compared to other kids their age. Intellectual and academic smarts run strong in our family, but we have plenty of weaknesses to make up for it.

Sandrine

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 2:04 pm

I think that’s a hard question to answer for so many reasons - for example, whether someone is an educator and tends to see things in a more attribution/ achievement/outcomes sense; or whether they have specific life experiences that have shaped their beliefs about different meanings and discourses of ‘smart’ and ‘smartness’ and then of course, whether someone is just plain deluded about their own children 😉.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 3:20 pm

amother wrote:

hard work tends to surpass natural ability. I never picked up the hard work skills, so I lagged behind my less intelligent peers.

This is an excellent point. DD is smart, but she's also lazy, unmotivated, and refuses to do anything unless she sees a good reason to do it. If she thinks a subject is boring, she won't study it, and she'll fail the test. I have no idea how to get her to apply herself. She just won't! Banging head

On the other hand, if a subject catches her interest, she'll throw herself at it with a passion that borders on obsession.

It's either one or the other, nothing in between.

Sandrine

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 3:37 pm

As an educator, the whole notion of smart sends me crazy. I see so many parents deeply attached to the idea that their kids are going to do great things and then they don’t ( or more likely they do different things) or that their kids are underachieving in some way that needs rectifying. And then many parents that I see become obsessed with making things ‘right’ and their kids more smart , And the whole love of learning and personal growth that we should engender that is so much part of being a human and of course being Jewish gets killed stone dead. This is even more sad for parents whose children fall into the category of being different and for whom there is no definition of smartness that somehow seems to fit. My own son is in this category and we ended up Home schooling him, a trend that is growing in many countries. So, I have a deep deep problem with smartness and the ability of educational systems to se beyond labels and quotients.