Daughter won’t let me leave

amother

Blush

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:00 pm

Calling all of you wonderful posters to help me with this issue. My 8 year old daughter refuses to let me leave in the evening which I sometimes have to do for work. My husband travels a lot and although we try to coordinate that he can be home when I leave, it doesn’t always work out. I have older kids at home, but she says she’s scared. She doesn’t want a babysitter either. I almost never go out in the evening at this point, but there are times I really kind of have to. I’ve tried “bribing” her by letting her stay up, watch a movie etc. I know that’s not getting to the root of the issue and in any event it’s not helping. If anyone has any advice, I’d be so grateful to hear.

amother

Blush

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:03 pm

amother wrote:

Is she scared of your husband?

No I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear - she won’t let me leave her w the kids. If my husband is home it’s ok.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:04 pm

amother wrote:

No I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear - she won’t let me leave her w the kids. If my husband is home it’s ok.

So is she babysitting? Are there older siblings?

amother

Blush

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:05 pm

Yes there are older children home. She is the youngest. She just has anxiety staying home without one of us - me or my husband.

mha3484

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:07 pm

Are your older kids not nice to her? My sister used to get paid to babysit herself when she was 8-10 years old. It helped her feel more independent and gave her a sense of control that she needed.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:10 pm

My kids don’t either like when I leave them, but the fuss isn’t as big.
Op find out what’s going on at home while you’re away.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:16 pm

I would have her speak to a therapist to get to the root of what she is so scared of, and to talk through possible ways of overcoming it.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:38 pm

When I was that age I also had terrible panic attacks.
if I were you I would take her to therapy maybe two or three sessions and it should help or hopefully. maybe even 10 sessions whatever it takes in order for her to feel calm. It is a big red flag you should find out if it's a sibling that starting up with her or some other story that she's acting like that

amother

Cerise

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:49 pm

I echo what everyone is saying. Take her to therapy. We had this with my son. Turned out he had been violated by an older boy months before this started. Baruch HaShem we want to a real therapist who worked through the trauma with him and he is doing just fine right now.

amother

Blush

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:55 pm

I think you’re right about therapy. Even though I don’t think anything happened, she is very anxious overall and can definitely benefit. It’s hard because it is such a big expense.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 6:56 pm

amother wrote:

I think you’re right about therapy. Even though I don’t think anything happened, she is very anxious overall and can definitely benefit. It’s hard because it is such a big expense.

If she has insurance, you can probably find someone who accepts it.

amother

Blush

Mon, Jul 30 2018, 7:01 pm

amother wrote:

If she has insurance, you can probably find someone who accepts it.

I’m actually having a hard time with that. We have a good insurance plan, but do I just pick a random therapist off a list?

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 6:45 am

When I had to watch my little sister, I was absolutely HORRIBLE to her! I'm ashamed to even think about how I behaved back then. I was very jealous of my sister, and did all kind of petty things in order to drive her crazy, but nothing that she could prove when my parents got home. She was always a kvetch anyway, so my parents didn't really believe her.

I've since begged my sister for forgiveness, but we had to have a long talk about it.

Get a nanny-cam and see how the siblings interact. There may be a family dynamic going on that is not good. Even something small like teasing could make her anxious and upset.

amother

Pewter

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 7:27 am

amother wrote:

I’m actually having a hard time with that. We have a good insurance plan, but do I just pick a random therapist off a list?

Is there a clinic in your area. I had good experience at a local place.
Otherwise print out a list from your insurance, call relief and ask them which therapist from that list they'd suggest you go to.

amother

Green

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 6:04 pm

amother wrote:

I think you’re right about therapy. Even though I don’t think anything happened, she is very anxious overall and can definitely benefit. It’s hard because it is such a big expense.

My son was like this when he was about 10. We took him to see a therapist and it was a life changer. You have to find the right one though - the first therapist we took him to was the kind that just listened to my son talk (we weren't invited in) and kept saying I'll see you next week same time.

The 2nd therapist came recommended and was amazing. He only saw my husband and I since his theory is he's not going to change a child by seeing him an hour a week. Instead he taught my husband and I how to respond to our son's anxieties - we only saw him about 5 or 6 times and the last visit included our son. It was seriously a life changer.

cbs880

Tue, Jul 31 2018, 10:44 pm

amother wrote:

Not the op.but can you pm name of this therapist pls.