Advice for friend to buy house

amother

Sapphire

Sat, Aug 11 2018, 7:41 pm

My friend would like to buy a house but she cant afford a large mortgage or downpayment. So she is not planning to go ahead with it but will stay in her apt. However, recently, her rich sibiling wants to lend her a lot of money even more than the downpayment so that my friend can buy a house and afford the lower mortgage (due to a large downpayment the mort will be lower). My friend can live frugally and pay off the sibilings loan very slowly.

The problem is that this rich sibiling wants her to own a house (bec deep down she cares for my friend. But this rich sibiling is very controlling and has tried to use her "favors" in the past to boss my friend in every aspect of her life. My friend thinks its not worth it to accept this offer and buy a house bec she cant take being controlled so much. Her sibiling said "u cant say no as this is why hashem gave me money". So my friend said hashem will give her money for a house if hashem wants her to have it. The rich sibiling denies being controlling and insists that she must accept bec this is why hashem gave her extra money. How should I advise my friend to respond??

amother

Lavender

Sat, Aug 11 2018, 7:47 pm

Stay in the apt

amother

Maroon

Sat, Aug 11 2018, 9:06 pm

Complicated!!

I have some wealthy and very wealthy siblings, along with struggling and some middle class sibs.
My wealthiest one would never offer a large down payment loan but here and there has offered gifts with strings attached.

It really depends on many issues
Their relationship?
How long is payback?
Will there always be the 'I saved you' vibe?

Will the money really make them miserable? I know it can, not always worth it as the emotional toll may be too expensive,onthe other hand, owning a house is. areaway big deal especially for people that are struggling, it's a huge step to eventual financial freedom!

Would suggest a contract with clear realistic payback and expectations should be discussed ahead of time.

Someone helped us by lending us part of down payment and every so often makes a comment that its because to them that I have a house. When markets were high, they called me and told me I should move to a cheaper place wether it makes sense or not. I felt like they think they have permission to give free advice because they helped us.

chocolatecake

Sat, Aug 11 2018, 9:26 pm

What is a better quality of life, to live independently in an apt or in a house with a controlling sibiling hovering over you. Personally I would take the apt.

SisterSix

Sat, Aug 11 2018, 9:31 pm

amother wrote:

The rich sibiling denies being controlling and insists...

Anyone else find that part funny?

amother

Babypink

Sat, Aug 11 2018, 9:37 pm

SisterSix wrote:

Anyone else find that part funny?

Yup.

amother

Aquamarine

Sat, Aug 11 2018, 10:21 pm

She definately shouldn't have you making the decision . She and her husband should figure out what works for them.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Aug 12 2018, 10:07 am

Thanks for the replies. I think she should stay in her apt bec its not worth it to be controlled by others and the sibiling is already very controlling.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Aug 12 2018, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

Thanks for this reply. It seems u really understand about this bec u did get help for ur downpayment. Thanks for the insight. I dont think my friend has a good relationship with her sibling which definitely makes a difference.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Aug 12 2018, 11:42 am

as a good friend you can listen empathically and be a good sounding board.
it really has to be 100% her decision and I wouldn't advise her either way.
the decision is her responsibility as she has to live with any consequences.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Aug 12 2018, 11:44 am

tho really the answer is in your post -- still has to be your friends decision its her life--
you wrote about the sibling using this type of help to boss your friend in every area of her life...