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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
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amother
Rose
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 Mon, Aug 13 2018, 2:02 am
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Did anyone ruin your wedding for you? What did they do and did you forgive them?
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amother
Jetblack
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 2:33 am
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Nobody can ruin your wedding for you. There is this story of a calla thst sat down with a beggar St her wedding. You are fortunate to get married and if someone did something that upset you it still not supposed to ruin your wedding. Look at the bright side and count your blessings.
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amother
Tangerine
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 5:49 am
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Yes. My in laws. I still try to treat them like gold for my husbands sakes, but they truly behaved like scum of the earth and I am embarrassed for myself that I am related to them:/
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amother
Silver
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 6:51 am
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My parents tried to. They ruined one part of it for me but not the entire thing. When I think back to my wedding, I think about how sweet and amazing it was, but I also remember how narcissistic my parents are.
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amother
Coral
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 7:18 am
| amother wrote: | | Yes. My in laws. I still try to treat them like gold for my husbands sakes, but they truly behaved like scum of the earth and I am embarrassed for myself that I am related to them:/ |
What did they do?
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amother
Olive
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 8:24 am
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Nope. I didn't let. My mom tried. Oh, she tried. But I refused to let her craziness (bpd) ruin my big day. After all, my knight in shining armor was rescuing me from the emotional dungeon to a happy, loving castle!
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watergirl
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 8:36 am
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Op, you ask but didnt provide any info as to why you are asking and what you will be doing with people’s stories. Why do you want to know?
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amother
Blush
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 9:43 am
In a certain sense, my younger sister ruined my wedding for me (and a few months later, she did worse at my brother's wedding). She's a very unhealthy person, and was very depressed at the time, and she was angry at me for getting married before her (yes, I did say she's younger than me! but for whatever unhealthy reasons she had, she had hoped to "outdo" me by getting married first. Also, we had a difficult home and I did alot to help keep the peace. She was angry at me for leaving to build my own home. )
At my wedding, she refused to wear the gown my mother had rented for her, refused to have her hair and make-up done. She wore a party dress from her closet that clashed with what everyone else in my family was wearing, and walked around the wedding with a morose face looking purposely miserable and angry. She didn't join in the dancing, let everyone know she was miserable and made a spectacle of herself. Took as much attention away from the wedding as she could from anyone who would give it to her.
I spent the first part of my wedding day trying to talk to her and placate her, assured her I don't mind what she wears or chooses to do, and then realized that as usual, she was making everything about herself. I then made a conscious but difficult (for me) decision that this is my wedding day, and I need to move on from this. so in that sense, she didn't ruin my wedding, because I didn't let her.
It's still painful for me to see my wedding videos, and see her like that, on the edge of everything, visible but decidedly out of it. But I feel sorry for her mostly. She doesn't have a happy or easy life today. I B"H have a stable family, and alot to be grateful for.
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amother
Pearl
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 9:51 am
My 13 YO brother boycotted my wedding because of a fight he was in with my parents. At the time I didn't care that much but my parents did.
However years later when he was getting married over a thousand miles away from me, for a combination of that and other reasons I didn't feel obligated to attend.
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amother
Jade
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 10:03 am
My wedding was my parents day, not mine.
I didn’t much care I dissociated the entire time.
I don’t like crowds and parties and I didn’t know my brand new husband from Adam. So my wedding day doesn’t figure prominently in the hardships of my life.
I’m glad my mother AH got this day since by the time my sister, the golden child, got married she was already gone.
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amother
Vermilion
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 2:46 pm
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In a way I ruined my own wedding by having a fever and throwing up twice that day... but I did my best to enjoy my wedding anyhow (tylenol and coffee).
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amother
Tangerine
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 3:17 pm
| amother wrote: | | What did they do? |
Invited an overwhelming amount of guests against my wishes.
Ordered outrageous things. (photo/flowers/amount of guests) and cancelled the check two weeks before the wedding. My father had to caugh up the cash so that vendors won’t cancel on us. They never paid him back.
Faught between themselves about ridicules minhagim and stuff.
Wore white (bridal style) gowns after asking me what color to wear. I said anything but white.
I can go on for a while but don’t want to share too many identifying details.
Fun times lol. They’re not very stable or normal. My husband is great and I try to maintain healthy boundaries while still respecting the fact the they are his family.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 3:26 pm
| amother wrote: | My 13 YO brother boycotted my wedding because of a fight he was in with my parents. At the time I didn't care that much but my parents did.
However years later when he was getting married over a thousand miles away from me, for a combination of that and other reasons I didn't feel obligated to attend. |
You didn't attend ur brother's wedding, bc as a 13 year old CHILD he did t attend your wedding?! A bit Immature if u ask me. 
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kenz
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 5:45 pm
| amother wrote: | | You didn't attend ur brother's wedding, bc as a 13 year old CHILD he did t attend your wedding?! A bit Immature if u ask me. |
1. She said, in bold, "and other reasons."
2. She didn't ask "u".
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amother
Pink
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 5:49 pm
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My wedding was a horrendous affair all around, but I was so detached about it I don't count it as one of my traumas. Primarily my parents were the ones who ruined it by badmouthing dh the entire engagement and in general acting like idiots throughout and especially on the night of the wedding.
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amother
Pewter
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 5:56 pm
My wedding was my parents day 
I didn’t like the hall choice, band choice, photography choice, who walked me down, etc.
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amother
Crimson
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 6:00 pm
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I kinda feel like because I was so young when I got married I really had no say regarding most of the wedding, besides for my personal stuff. Sometimes I wish I could do it all over as now I have much more of an opinion, and when we look at our pictures (10 years ago k'ah) we're busy saying how this and that would have been better had they been done differently, though as my father wasn't at my wedding, other people - my uncle who has a strained relationship with my mom- mostly, felt they could take charge and made decisions without asking us..
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 6:06 pm
This question is very triggering! Because some of us have traumas going back many years, which we don't think about often, but then someone reminds us...
So, at the time I got engaged, my father was out of work. I found a gown in NY, where I was studying, and if I recall correctly it was $125 (remember, this was NOT today's prices).
My parents told me not to buy it. Instead, they found a gown which fit my sister (who is a few years younger, but a few inches taller than me) with the theory that they'd shorten it for me and then lengthen it for her. How much cheaper could it have been?
I did NOT like the gown. Every so often I remember this... but it certainly wouldn't say it ruined my wedding.
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amother
Ruby
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Mon, Aug 13 2018, 6:08 pm
My mother, by treating MIL, FIL and DH like the scum of the earth. That's how she treats everyone, but I didn't realize it at the time and went along with her a little bit When I hugged DH in the yichud room he could barely hug me back
Any more details would be identifying.
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