Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Overweight child steals food
Previous  1  2  3



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 20 2017, 7:57 am
Has the daughter said she wants to go on a diet? Has she agreeed there is a problem?
Otherwise , all the therapy in the world and diets won't help.
You need a happy medium. A super restrictive diet is typically not appropriate for a 16 year old.
Also, a 16 year old is old enough to walk to the store and buy herself a snack if she doesn't get it from home.
Bringing her to doctors and making special foods is fine as long as daughter is cooperative.
Locking up the food in the house is way overboard and probably leads to binging.
Back to top

rachel0615




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 20 2017, 7:57 am
I was an overweight child raised by an overweight mom. She tried hard not to repeat the way she was treated by her mom who ridiculed her for being overweight, woke her at night to weigh her etc . as hard as she tried, her disapproval was heard very clearly by me and I sneaked food. I hated going shopping with her bc she always made comments about what size I was up to. Even now when my husband will jokingly say hey who finished the cake, I break into tears.

What I didn't get and what it seems u aren't giving to ur daughter is validation of how hard this journey is for her. We can't change ourselves when we don't feel safe to be vulnerable. Acknowledge how hard this situation must be for her. She's only 16 and dealing with such health issues while her friends probably seen to be dealing with way less big issues . validate how it must feel to try and try and not be succeeding . only once that happens will you actually move closer to solving the problem and not just put a band aid on it
Back to top

going-up




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 20 2017, 1:11 pm
Look up low glycemic index foods and have only low and medium indexed food in the house for everyone. Make sure there are plenty of snacks and delicous options within the low and medium range so she doesn't feel restricted. Think popcorn, dry roasted almonds, sunflower seeds, sweet potato chips.

Include some cheating in her diet, but controlled cheating e.g. whole grain choc granola. The blue kind bars nuts and sea salt are delicous, a real treat and are low glycemic, you can buy those for her, just for her because she deserves a treat as a show of love not as restriction. Carbs are not so bad for prediabetics if they are whole grain only and are eaten with a vegetable at the same time. Whole wheat pizza if added vegetables on top works just fine for her or if she doesn't like veg on the pizza just serve some salad on the side to go along with it.

When I was prediabetic the main thing I did was cut out white potatoes, white sugar, white flour of any kind and short grain rice. (I also cut out high sugar fruit's like melons and grapes.) There are still so many options available. It worked for me both to loose weight and to get my glycemic haemoglobin levels down.
Back to top

amother
Coffee


 

Post Sun, Aug 20 2017, 10:25 pm
Have you tried going to a nutritionist?

Doctors don't know very much about nutrition these days, and it sounds like she was put on that restrictive plan needlessly. Pre-diabetes usually doesn't require a low-carb diet, it just requires making mindful carb choices and balancing carbs with protein so blood sugar doesn't spike. High cholesterol will require some more modifications, but I recommend you take dd to a good nutritionist before a shrink.

I say that because it doesn't sound abnormal that a teen put on no carbs against her will would then go and sneak food. It sounds like a typical response.

You have to break the cycle by finding her a sustainable meal plan that will work for her. Otherwise, you will be dooming her to a life of disordered eating, and there is no health benefit in her watching her carbs by day and binging at night.

You need an excellent nutritionist who can gain the trust of your daughter after she's been through a horrid diet.

Hatzlocha.
Back to top

amother
Slateblue


 

Post Mon, Aug 21 2017, 1:38 am
I don't know how else to say this, but because I had a mother like you, I still struggle with food issues. It is the ultimate rejection, and emotional neglect.

Reading your initial post I was horrified. You sound like a policeman... very judging and unforgiving.

As an overweight teenager I just needed compassion, granted maybe more compassion.. and loving attention, ....and listening than other lower maintenance children, but it was pikuach nefesh for me. My weight did not translate into health issues then though I was very overweight, but my mother was ALWAYS devastated that I could not fit into the cute clothes she wore. Her disappointment and embarrassment was what I lived with.. She always said ..."but you can be so beautiful.." as if that should be my goal in life. It was for her.

Of course, I am almost a middle aged woman and my mother is old and no longer so cute. I have a regular relationship with her.. but that searing pain from childhood never really left..it formed a certain dynamic between us that continues to this day. It also affects my relationship with other women.

My weight was always a wall that separated my mother and me. She was not my friend when I was a teenager or child , and never became one as I grew. I so desperately wanted to be friends with her, for her not to notice my weight. But, for her there was nothing else. She was constantly scrutinizing me... so much so I reverted to old eating habits when visiting my parents' house with my own children! I was ok by then, but being around her triggered me! I just wanted to eat her food. Why did I eat? To shut my mouth and not say what I thought because I felt that if I started to speak my feelings, dead bodies would fall around me.Smile

You will do much more for your daughter if you do the WORK on yourself, and love her unconditionally, and realize that if she wants to eat, she will find a myriad of ways to do it. She is not loving her weight, her feelings, her health.. She is suffering alone.

If you love her and focus on her strengths. No, scratch that! If you ADORE HER and treat her like your most wonderful amazing person that you are SO LUCKY to have in your life, she will realize herself that she is worth more than to be a fat food junkie. BUT you only notice how wonderful and beautiful she is and DROP the unhealthy food from your life AND say nothing.

YOU CAN PROBABLY STILL TURN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AROUND and then she will not have a reason to steal your food -- translation steal your love and acceptance. Because she will be getting plenty of it freely... I hope what I am saying makes sense. Hshem should send you lots of siata d'shmaya
Back to top

amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 5:51 pm
OP, your post struck such a cord with me, but I didn't have a chance to reply until now.

Your daughter is a classic case of someone who could really, really benefit from a concept called "Intuitive Eating". It's too long to explain in depth here, but I'll copy and paste the description from Amazon here:

"First published in 1995, Intuitive Eating has become the go-to book on rebuilding a healthy body image and making peace with food. We've all been there―angry with ourselves for overeating, for our lack of willpower, for failing at yet another diet. But the problem is not us; it's that dieting, with its emphasis on rules and regulations, has stopped us from listening to our bodies. Written by two prominent nutritionists, Intuitive Eating will teach you:

• How to reject diet mentality forever

• How our three Eating Personalities define our eating difficulties

• How to find satisfaction in your eating

• How to feel your feelings without using food

• How to honor hunger and feel fullness

• How to follow the ten principles of "Intuitive Eating",

• How to achieve a new and safe relationship with food and, ultimately, your body

• How to raise an "intuitive eater"–NEW!

• The incredible science behind intuitive eating–NEW!"

The original book is mainly aimed at adults, but your daughter might be old enough to benefit - and YOU should read it to guide her. It can be purchased here:

https://www.amazon.com/Intuiti.....ating

There is also a woman named Ellyn Satter who specializes in Intuitive Eating (IE) for children. Her books are wonderful and are a must read for guiding children into healthy eating habits. Your daughter is still young enough that you can head off a skewed relationship with food NOW, before it becomes a horrible binge/diet/self-loathing cycle that I promise you will last her entire life.

Ellyn Satter's books can be found here:

https://www.amazon.com/Ellyn-S.....r=8-1

I would recommend starting with "How to Get Your Kid To Eat, But Not Too Much" and "Your Child's Weight".

OP, I've been there. My mother was (and is) morbidly obese, and her mother made her crazy about it. She wanted to shield my siblings and I from that, but the eating habits she modeled for us were awful, and there was so much stress and emotion around food. I was, of course, an obese child and adult until a few years ago when I finally took charge of my health. But even though I was finally at a normal weight, I still binged and dieted and restricted and mostly, made myself CRAZY. IE was and is a real life saver.

Please check out this concept, both for you and your daughter's sake. I wish you much luck, I know that this is a very hard journey for both of you.
Back to top

amother
Yellow


 

Post Wed, Aug 23 2017, 10:54 am
I haven't read all replies. Only read the original post.
Here's how I'd approach this, with my teenage dd.
My dd had the opposite issue- not eating, and I drove her crazy until one day I sat down with her and said:
My dear daughter, I have been driving myself crazy over this. I've been driving you even more crazy over this. I want to apologize. I did it because I care about you, and I'm thinking maybe my caring about you in this way was more painful than helpful. Would you agree?"
Then I'd say:
I'm thinking to chill and let you be. What do you think of that? Would you want that?
Then I'd say:
I'll chill and leave you be. And I'm here for you , to support you in a way that's actually useful to you. Just let me know when you need anything from me.

Does this approach appeal to you at all?
Back to top

ValleyMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 23 2017, 11:25 am
Sounds like she's a compulsive overeater. This requires outside help. If it is causing health related issues why don't you consider an eating disorder clinic.
I just went to a spa that has 10 exercise classes a day and 4 different morning hike options as well as yoga.

They also provide 3 spa meals that are low calorie and healthy.

They have a to of vegan options as well as raw vegetables and plain tuna, hard boiled eggs etc. It is NOT a kosher facility but they are willing to work with kosher consumers. You can always bring your own food to supplement like turkey slices, cottage cheese etc.

This spa offers 3 sit down meals and 3 snacks: Potassium broth/vegan, assorted vegan hummus and raw vegetables, 100% fruit smoothie.

It's primarily woman- when I went there were 40 women and two husbands who had to go off site to work out so the spa is NOT co ed.
Back to top

ValleyMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 23 2017, 11:26 am
Sorry forgot one thing:

Wp,en go to this spa to jump start their healthy life style or simply to unwind.
Women go anywhere from 5 days to a week to 2 weeks to a month or several months.

It helps to retrain your brain
Back to top

WastingTime




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 23 2017, 12:51 pm
Sounds like she needs a good dosage of IE. May not be practical or "drastic" enough to get her a healthy weight but seems like diet mentality is backfiring. Locking up food was something I did when my kids were toddlers, doesn't sound right for a teen...
Back to top

amother
Vermilion


 

Post Mon, Aug 13 2018, 7:24 pm
When I was a kid, the moment my mother went upstairs with a basket of laundry to put away, I would run to the cupboard and grab bag of chips and stuff as many as I could into my mouth. when I heard her steps on the stairs, I'd run out the back door onto the porch so she wouldn't see me "stealing"chips and I wouldn't see the disappointment in her eyes.

I was the most beautiful girl in the family with perfect features, thick auburn hair and blue eyes. I was also the heaviest.

my mother worked hard on keeping herself slim and she was always disappointed in me. She wanted to buy me beautiful clothing but couldn't.

I remember she cried about it a few times. It didn't help at all but it made me feel devastated.

As an mother I never once criticized my children's weight or ever made it an issue. Each one on their own slimmed down when they were ready. Their appearance was never connected to their worth as a human being.

I love my mother with all my heart but her efforts were in vain because she did not understand carbohydrate addiction and because she was able to overcome her cravings and stay slim.

But I have done excruciatingly difficult things in my life and I have many strengths even if carbs still own me.
Back to top

hanna2010




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 13 2018, 8:13 pm
I can share some insight with you that may be able to help. If you're interested pm me.
Back to top
Page 3 of 3 Previous  1  2  3 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Do babies keep spitting up after starting food?
by amother
2 Today at 12:02 am View last post
Child Tooth Ache- Pediatric Dentist
by Bruria
2 Yesterday at 8:17 pm View last post
Podiatrist for ingrown toenail on child
by amother
1 Yesterday at 3:23 pm View last post
Did you know overweight and skinny same root eating disorder
by amother
14 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:19 pm View last post
If you successfully healed your child's gut
by amother
10 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 6:32 pm View last post