Did anyone ruin your wedding for you?

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Aug 13 2018, 4:20 pm

I think I'm the winning party here.

As a BT I was so happy to get engaged to a wonderful frum boy. However, his mother was less than thrilled. She hadn't been involved in the shidduch due to divorce and when she found out my husband was engaged, she went on a rampage to ruin the engagement.

Not only did she yell and scream about me to everyone in the family, but she went to at least one chesed organization and told them I'm a rotten person and they shouldn't give me anything. Well, they didn't. Unfortunately, they believed her.

The same thing happened at a clothing store. I walked in and the salesperson was shocked. She'd heard "all about me..." Lucky for me, I was with the Rebitzin who was marrying me off, and while I was trying on clothing the whole story came out. The salesperson, who was also the owner, was taken by how sweet I was, and said that she had almost refused to sell to me because of the rumors... She completely changed her tune once she saw who I was and even gave a big discount.

If that isn't enough, MIL almost boycotted my wedding, and then, when we thought she wasn't coming, she showed up and continued to show up at sheva brachos. We were fine with that. We were NOT fine that my Shabbos sheva brachos meal was her big party. She went from table to table and told everyone that I was baalas teshuvah -- a fact that I hadn't yet made peace with. (Totally at peace with it today!)
I spent the rest of the meal crying in the bathroom.

To this day my MIL hates me. Oh well.

amother

Blue

Mon, Aug 13 2018, 6:26 pm

amother wrote:

Nobody can ruin your wedding for you. There is this story of a calla thst sat down with a beggar St her wedding. You are fortunate to get married and if someone did something that upset you it still not supposed to ruin your wedding. Look at the bright side and count your blessings.

This. If you are happily married today then the wedding day is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Count your blessings.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Aug 13 2018, 7:05 pm

amother wrote:

This. If you are happily married today then the wedding day is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Count your blessings.

Not quite so simple. Am I happily married? Yes, bh! Does what happened on our wedding matter in the grand scheme of of things? No. We barely think about it. But the fact is, someone did something that did put a significant damper on the day, and our relationship with that person has never recovered. So while one day that happened many years ago doesn't really matter in our daily lives, we did lose a relationship because of that one day. Now, like the wedding, it's not like not having this person in our lives affects us in the day to day, nor does it affect the quality of our marriage. But I definitely can't say it's insignificant or doesn't matter. It's definitely sad that we essentially lost a relative because of their actions relating to our wedding.

amother

Blue

Mon, Aug 13 2018, 9:37 pm

You lost a relative because of st that happened on your wedding day that upset you, so if you are truly upset over the lost relationship then forgive them and make amends somehow. Its not the wedding day issues that's the issue its this relationship. It could have been over anything... find ways to recover the lost relationship.

mimivan

Tue, Aug 14 2018, 3:20 am

One woman who I heard later had a date with my now ex exclaimed when she thought the band was drowning her out..."I can't believe he married A GEYORES!!" Well, just like in the movies, the music kinda stopped when she was in the middle of saying it....

It didn't ruin the wedding because after all, how could I take it personally? She would have said it about any geyroes...she could have said "He married someone who looks like THAT?" Also, it reflected worse on her than on me, I think..

It was the marriage that followed that ruined the wedding. The anecdote above seems like small potatoes, but it is a story...

amother

Mint

Tue, Aug 14 2018, 4:51 am

amother wrote:

This. If you are happily married today then the wedding day is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Count your blessings.

I agree with this too. Also, truthfully, except for some extreme cases as some ppl here mentioned like badmouthing u or not paying and leaving u to pay for everythimg...I believe ultimately the most important thing at the wedding is appreciating and beimg happy that u are finally getting married to ur special man. Even if u wanted a sibiling there or a different gown, hall...at the end of the day, all that counts is that from now on u are going to share ur life with a wonderful person , this should be the focus but so many ppl get sidetracked"" and or let others lose focus.

The only time kallas may be unhappy is when
They are being forced to get married to someone they are not happy with.

But truthfully a lot of ppl lose focus of the true simcha which is that even with "bad" hall gown....the simcha is "u got ur man";a lot of ppl are still looking for theirs!!

amother

Blue

Tue, Aug 14 2018, 6:45 am

NovelConcept wrote:

Blue, not all relationships are worth recovering.

No of course ...but it sounds like ivory is upset about the lost relationship more than whatever issues arose on her wedding day. If she is so upset about the lost relationship then if she wants to she should work in recovering it..if she doesn't all that much care to recover it or she feels it's not worth it then that's a different story. But then you can't say that "ruined her wedding"
I still maintain that if you are happily married to a good man then your wedding day wasn't " " ruined"