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Forum -> Parenting our children
6yo so stubborn and rigid!



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amother
cornflower


 

Post Mon, Aug 20 2018, 11:07 am
I am so frustrated and worried about her. I thought of posting this in the challenging children forum but she is really a total bubbeleh, not challenging at all, except...

She always had this stubborn and rigid streak. In fact I have an ASD diagnosis in the family so I had her evaluated as a preschooler and the developmental specialist concluded that she does have some traits that are common to ASD but she doesn't fit the disorder and we can just consider it personality quirks. So at that time I shrugged it off, she was still little, but at 6 years old it's getting ridiculous! If certain things don't happen her way she cries and has fits. I don't think it's spoiled, I think it's something more. I wonder if it could be OCD.

Example: If someone offers to get her something and she wants to get it herself, she'll lash out. Like a 2-year-old. It escalated into needing to ALWAYS get her own things when setting the table (it's a job the kids have argued over from time to time but now it's a thing that even when it's a sibling's turn to set the table, she NEEDS to set her own place.)

If someone does something that she wanted to do, she will go and un-do whatever it was and then re-do it herself no matter how little time we have available.

We tend to accommodate just because no one wants to deal with the fits and you'll never win anyway, and it doesn't seem to be making it worse but of course that doesn't make it better either.

I've tried all kinds of reasoning and even rewards, the rewards helped a little to make her more often use a "big girl" voice instead of crying or whining when she doesn't get things her way, so that's definitely an improvement, but we still have a huge problem.

I had her see a social worker at her school a few times last year and they went through some general emotional regulation strategies, but the social worker kind of gave up because she said as far as she can see the kid looks totally fine, functioning great in school, demonstrating all appropriate skills in the counseling session, and why are we wasting her time?

What next?!
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Mon, Aug 20 2018, 2:06 pm
Sure sounds like ocd. Please, please have her evaluated by a pandas-knowledgeable MD. My son same age was just like this plus a few other symptoms until we started treating for pandas.
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Mon, Aug 20 2018, 6:48 pm
I just spoke to our pediatrician today, he said pandas is neurological and this sounds more personality related and there are no neurological symptoms. He said what I described isn't beyond the pale for her age. I don't know what else to say, it's just a real pain in the neck. Maybe I'm just not patient enough.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Tue, Aug 21 2018, 3:11 pm
amother wrote:
I just spoke to our pediatrician today, he said pandas is neurological and this sounds more personality related and there are no neurological symptoms. He said what I described isn't beyond the pale for her age. I don't know what else to say, it's just a real pain in the neck. Maybe I'm just not patient enough.
Sigh. I wish more people, and especially MDs, would realize that "personality" and "behavior" IS neurological. Would he be willing to run some bloodwork? Would he be willing to prescribe an antibiotic trial? There's also something you can do at home that doesn't require any prescription. Put your kid on a full dose of dye free ibuprophen or other NSAID round the clock for a week and see if you see any changes. If her behavior is due to brain inflammation, you should see a reduction with the anti-inflammatories. Just note, if you don't see any changes, that does NOT rule out pandas. Good luck.
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 21 2018, 3:50 pm
Have her see a social worker privately (call Relief for a referral) at least for a consultation to deal with her rigidity. It could be anxiety. It could be OCD. It could be power struggles. It could be needing to feel important. It could be you need to ignore it and let it ride out. But I wouldn't accept the superficial opinions/diagnosis you've been getting if you don't know how to cope with the situation.
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hodeez




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 21 2018, 4:22 pm
My 3 yo has an ASD diagnosis and she exhibits the same behavior as your daughter. Super self-sufficiency
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Tue, Aug 21 2018, 8:50 pm
He said he could run a blood test "if I want to" but it just didn't seem likely enough to put the kid through that (she is not good with medical procedures either, even throat cultures can be an ordeal.) I'm not sure I feel comfortable with round-the-clock NSAIDS for just a maybe. A couple of years ago on similar concerns when she got strep twice in a row the doctor (a different doctor at that time) put her on Zithromax because they said that is often used against PANDAS but she had a horrible reaction to the Zithromax so that's out now. High fever and awful hives.

I know that the rigidity is very common in ASD but she doesn't have that because she's socially 100%. I had that evaluated by a top developmental pediatrician.

Oneofakind, how does one even begin to figure out which of those things it could be? They all sound perfectly reasonable but who knows? Not sure how a private social worker would be that different than the school social worker who seemed to be great (she also ran SEL groups in the classrooms and all my kids learned a lot.) The only option that I think I can rule out is "ignore it and let it ride out." She's pretty much always been like this more or less and I was just hoping she would outgrow it by now.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 22 2018, 3:54 am
Read the explosive child.

Once your child is calm, try talking to her about what happened and ask why. "I noticed you had trouble when Jane handed you the toy you wanted. What was going on?" Try to understand if there is anything you can do to help the problem. She may need a social worker / psychologist to help her work on life skills like flexibility.
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 22 2018, 7:15 am
The school social worker could be great but she's school based. Not helping YOU cope, not dealing with the family dynamics overall. It's not her job.
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 22 2018, 7:17 am
Does she have sensory issues? Maybe you want to rule that out with a good OT eval.
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