Back to work.... | Imamother

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Aug 21 2018, 9:22 pm

We have been on government assistance for last 4 years while I primarily stayed home raising/homeschooling (4, 3, newborn).

I have been doing contract/per diem jobs to work around babies' & husband's schedule. Though extremely poor (I mean like making less than $1,000 a month living in South Florida and having to take out payday loans every month), I appreciate the value of allowing my husband time to learn and my kids to bond with me.

We have gotten to the point where husband needed to quit his job (he has been per diem) in order to take out the IRA he accumulated while with the company.

Ironically I have been offered a full time salaried position @ a place I contract with but it may mean more domestic responsibility on husband during the day (especially with oldest who is now getting into more of a curriculum).

He can be much more stern with our toddlers and I am also still bonding with the newborn (only just turning 1 month).

Would you take the job? This seems to be the struggle of wives of full time avrechim but how is this possible when kids are not in school? HELP!

amother

Red

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:53 am

in a word, yes.

living off the govt, payday loans, and an IRA is no way to live.

If your husband had a full time salaried position that allowed you to stay home and have the luxury of homeschooling, great. But he just quit his job.

One of you needs to work, if not both.

My view isn't popular but I think to apply for government assistance they should require a certain number of working hours from a family.

imasinger

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:58 am

I agree. Take the job! These days, benefits alone are worth their weight in gold for a young family.

Often, experience helps a parent to mellow. If he sees that a harder approach isn't working, he might become a more flexible parent, which would be good for the whole family.

And if the two of you decide it's getting to be more than he can handle, your salary will allow the possibility of discussing some extra help.

amother

White

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 10:47 am

I'm confused is your husband working or learning, you said quitting his job that is per diem but you also said avreich? Is there a reason if he's working that he can't try to get a higher paying job? Isn't IRA retirement- don't you need to be "older" for that?

I'm all for being a SAHM but it really doesn't sound like you can afford to continue the way you are right now- one of you needs to have a job that can support you.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:28 pm

amother wrote:

We homeschool because of lack of religious cheders in south Florida (we are more Charedim than Modern). Also the reason that we do not hire help and we do not have family (we are gerim and the families on both sides have had nothing to do with us for decades BH).

It seems he is moving closer and closer to being an avreich but will not say definitively. He went from full time ($32k) to per diem ($27 per therapy session but like 4 clients a week because he deals with children and behavior problems....you can only see so many kids after school hours considering he goes to their home) And he is moving more towards private therapy practice if he does work.

Basically it is balagan. The salary job is only a little over $54K so we would go from poor to overworked poor with no WIC, food stamps, Medicaid which all really help when u do the math compared to insurance premiums and food costs.

nia73

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 8:32 pm

amother wrote:

It sounds like they both have been working and doing what they can while raising 3 kids in a matter of 4 years. And no with no hired or family help, that government assistance appears to be saving their lives in all reality.

Not a leech type family from what I am reading....

nicole81

Wed, Aug 22 2018, 9:38 pm

I would take the job. Your husband can then build up his private practice in the evening.

He may parent differently from you, but if you trusted him enough to marry and have kids with him, then you should trust him to take care of the kids during the day without you.

I know that in my house, if it came down to only one of us working, I would keep my job and I'd have a house husband. It just makes the most financial sense.

One key component of the decision though has to be how your husband feels. Would he be happy to stay home with the kids? Make sure he thinks this through long term. The day in and day out of it can get old very quickly for someone not cut out to be a SAHP.

And yes it sucks to go back to work with a newborn. Like really really sucks. I can tell you that plenty of people do it successfully though. It won't make it any easier on you, but it is doable. From personal experience, I went back to work when my last baby was 6 weeks old. He's about 4 months old now and is so bonded and attached. We're like two peas in a pod. Both him and my 2 year old also have an amazing relationship with my husband, who is around the house way more than I am.

amother

Coral

Fri, Aug 24 2018, 9:58 am

nicole81 wrote:

Can I pm you?
I don't want to detail the thread... But I have questions re the bolded. thanks!