Can I confront his ex-friend before it gets out of hand

amother

Sienna

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 6:03 pm

Long: Dh got himself in trouble. It was embarrassing and he asked his rav. to help him out. This rav told dh he will speak to another shul member Mr W.. We are in our 10 years younger and Dh. Considered Mr. W. An older friend that has been there done that. Dh agrees. Then Rav and Mr W. convinced Dh . to tell another friend because he truly has the knowledge to help dh out. I was, and still am
too embarrassed of this situation to ask anyone and I didnt know what to do. The Rav convinces Dh he is the one that will do it. Although I didnt like all thes people finding out dh told me he needs help and they are there for him. Dh heres back from a mutual friend that Mr W. told him what happened.Dh. confronts him. And Mr W. Said he told these people in case they can help him besides if he werent so secretive int he first place he could have gotton advice before he got himself in hot water. In the end Rav helps only a little eveyone else was not able to help at all. Dh realizes Rav has many motive Mr. W. is not a true friend. He has not spoken to them in months. DH has no more troubles and moves on. Months later dh sees people arent trusting him. He hears they think he did xyz which would be even more embarrassing but is completly not true. Based on the character and motives of the people who knew. I think its Mr W. telling people what happened that is getting exaggerated and being passed on spreading rumors thats hurting dh. It can also be the rav. But rav told dh who he was telling. I told dh he should call Mr. W and tell him hes ruining his name. Hopefully make him guilty tell him its befor rosh Hashana and he should stop. Dh told me I' m angry, not rational anyone he told could have spread it. Mr W. hopefully found something new to talk about, why bring it up. We cant accuse him. We cant prevent him or anyone from spreading rumors. I am so upset I told dh If he. doesnt tell Mr W. I will speak to him or his wife. Who is right?

WhatFor

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 7:49 pm

Stay out of it. First of all, it's your DH so you need to respect how he wants his relationships handled. Second, he's probably right. Bringing it up will stir it all up again and make things worse. Even if you raise it to clarify, many people will just be reminded of the lie anyway and remember the lie.

Let it go and people will move on to the next town gossip item.

Bruria

Thu, Aug 30 2018, 8:59 pm

amother wrote:

Dh got in trouble with people in the community Someonw we don't know is spreading false rumors, making it so much worse. That dh got arrested. This rumor is way overblown and if people think he got arrested it affects me and my family in ways that wouldnt if he just did something not right.

https://www1.nyc.gov/site/nypd......page
This can prove he wasn't arrested if you are in NY and he can show it to his rav