Potty/toilet training - fast track needed, help!

amother

Navy

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 8:47 am

Our 3 year old ds suffers from developmental delay. He's at the mental level of about a 2 year old, maybe a bit below that. He's going to start a special education preschool next week.
He's not toilet trained but should be, according to the preschool. I've been trying on and off, but he adamantly refuses to sit on a potty or on the toilet.
I've tried bribing him - no success.
I've made his 4 year old brother show him what to do on the toilet - no success.
I've rewarded his brother in front of him after going to the toilet - no success.
I've let him run around in underwear - he just wets himself all over the place.
He does sometimes look into the toilet bowl or plays in the toilet room and puts the toilet brush into the bowl but as soon as I suggest sitting on the toilet - with or without a children's seat - he refuses and starts screeching and runs out. Potty also doesn't work.

Any good ideas anyone? Sad

bestme

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 8:54 am

I am so sorry for you. Many children with delays have issues with being trained and so many special education school teach toilet training in school. It must be really hard to do it without the schools help.

Rosemarie

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 9:38 am

If he is at the developmental level of a 20-24 month old child, he may simply not be developmentally ready for toilet training. I am surprised that a special ed preschool would not acknowledge that and is saying that all 3 year olds must be toilet trained. I wpuld assume they would be equipped to help you bring him up to the readiness level needed and then teach him the skills using special education methods. Thats what they are trained for!

BadTichelDay

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 9:54 am

The preschool is focused on developing language and cognitive skills and they don't want to either change diapers or clean up #2 accidents. It's also a preschool that's newly set up this year - not sure how much practical experience they really have, but it is what we could get for ds. I'll try to argue with them - in the meantime, I'd love some "quick fix" to at least partially train him and make him agree to sit on the potty or toilet if nothing else.

animeme

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 10:11 am

I think you're too early. And most special preschools help with this and you may find that yours ends up doing so too. Do you know anyone else who is sending?

No guarantees, but to just get him to sit there, without the time to slowly shape behavior, you need a major reward for while he's actually there. Is there something you almost never allow? A food he could have while sitting (yes, I know, food in the bathroom) or a video he could watch (yes, I know, video. Quick fixes often involve major compromises.) I don't recommend a potty in this case, because unless the preschool will let you bring one, you would have to re-generalize him to a toilet and that likely won't go well. If you do use one, make sure it's one that has a seat that can come off and be used on the toilet too.

Has he shown any indication that he knows when he is about to go? Some kids will go off into a corner, for example, or stop what they are doing.

watergirl

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 10:42 am

BadTichelDay wrote:

You said this is a new school - is it a “real” special ed preschool? Or a school that fancies itself special ed? Are the teachers really equipped for this? Cognitive skills and toilet readiness go hand in hand.

There are no quick fixes and I’m surprised that they are insisting on a 3 year old being fully trained.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 11:35 am

A lot of neurotypical 3 year olds are not ready to be reliably trained at that age. To expect that of a delayed child is just ridiculous. I would have a serious talk with the school, and also see if there is a more appropriate school for him. Whoever coordinates your son's services should have an idea what to do next.

mha3484

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 11:38 am

My neurotypical son will be 4 in nov and is just finally using the toilet semi consistently. I tried over and over and he just was not ready. I am very weary of schools that expect 3 year olds to be potty trained.

amother

Babypink

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 2:29 pm

He isn't ready. My son was toilet trained at almost four and he was 100% ready and it took ONE day. ONE accident. Dd was three and same way. I personally would not train him. If need be I would get him another school. It won't work if he isn't ready and not worth it to me to try to train for a year plus. A kid who is ready it's a one day deal.

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 2:43 pm

Is he developmentally ready to tell you why he doesn't want to sit on the toilet? What does he see when he looks inside the toilet? Does he say? Does the water frighten him? Ask questions.
Even a mainstream daycare school knows to be ready for children who are not toilet trained yet. Some do demand it, but a special ed school? Language and cognitive skills go way before toilet training developmentally. And professionals do know this, so I am wary of the qualifications and expertise of the personnel of this new school.

dancingqueen

Fri, Aug 31 2018, 2:45 pm

Hugs op. Forcing the issue can just make it worse. He won’t have accidents in school he will be in pull-ups or diapers. Be firm with the school they are not being reasonable for a special ed school.

amother

Beige

Sat, Sep 01 2018, 9:46 pm

Hugs OP. I have a developmentally delayed child too, so I know it can be a real challenge to train them. Ultimately, the training is not really in your control, it's in his. He will do it when he is good and ready and you really can't "fast track" it. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth. You can facilitate and incentivize, but if he isn't ready, then he just isn't ready and no amount of pushing from you is going to change that. Trying to force the issue will only make you both miserable.

And as others have mentioned, plenty of typically developing three year olds aren't trained yet, so I it makes perfect sense that your son hasn't mastered it. No need to feel bad. Honestly, you should probably look for a different school. A special ed school is supposed to support the children and parents, not stress them out and place unreasonable demands on them. Maybe if you let us know your geographic location, other imamothers can suggest alternative schools. Finding the right school for a special child is extremely important. It can do wonders! Please, please consider finding a school that better suits your child's needs if that option is at all available.