Help! Should I go or not go?

Cheiny

Fri, Sep 07 2018, 3:25 pm

Beingreal wrote:

My sister in law and brother in law are making a kiddush for their new baby next week Shabbos Shuva. They have no room for kids. My dh is going because his parents are coming in far away and he doesnt see them so often. My parents are willing to take the kids so me and dh can go since we never go away. My son is turning 5 that Shabbos and I feel guilty going away on his birthday even though my mother will be getting a cake. What do I do?

No question! Be with your son on his birthday!

agreer

Fri, Sep 07 2018, 4:55 pm

Can you celebrate his birthday early, like Friday morning or Thursday night, with a special breakfast or pizza dinner?

Purple2

Fri, Sep 07 2018, 6:03 pm

My kids have no idea what date it is. I celebrate when it works for us. They’re thrilled to pieces. Never even questioned and we’ve celebrated a lot of birthdays b”h!
Go and enjoy. Celebrate a day late he won’t know the difference.

Aylat

Sat, Sep 08 2018, 1:16 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I never celebrate the birthday on the actual date. I do it when it’s convenient for us. Go and have a great time.

Us too. We say happy birthday and make a little fuss, but cake etc we do when DH can he home at the right time.

Aylat

Sat, Sep 08 2018, 1:18 pm

amother wrote:

My thought is can’t they make an exception and make room for ONE DC who is turning five!? Surely your DH’s parents would be delighted to see their grandson?

Not really fair to ask. What about all the other siblings who are making arrangements for their kids or coming without their spouses.

Beingreal

Sat, Sep 08 2018, 9:15 pm

Update: my mother told me "it
s hoing to be hard to watch the kids but if you feel you need to go, go. Is that a no? So confused. Should I go?

animeme

Sat, Sep 08 2018, 9:52 pm

Beingreal wrote:

Update: my mother told me "it
s hoing to be hard to watch the kids but if you feel you need to go, go. Is that a no? So confused. Should I go?

Sounds like a "no" to me.

Beingreal

Sat, Sep 08 2018, 10:10 pm

dont know what to do. On one hand I want to go and my dh wants me to go. But now...am I overthinking things? dont know if I should...

animeme

Sat, Sep 08 2018, 10:41 pm

Beingreal wrote:

dont know what to do. On one hand I want to go and my dh wants me to go. But now...am I overthinking things? dont know if I should...

Does dh know what your mother said?

Can you tell your BIL last minute if you are going, since dh is going either way? That way, if your mom tells you closer in that it looks like things will be fine, great, you go. But if not, you stay.

WhatFor

Sat, Sep 08 2018, 10:57 pm

Beingreal wrote:

Update: my mother told me "it
s hoing to be hard to watch the kids but if you feel you need to go, go. Is that a no? So confused. Should I go?

It's possible she wants you to know that she's okay doing it, but don't think she's doing it for fun and you should appreciate that it's a favor for you. It's also possible that she means, "I really don't want to and it's going to take a lot of energy out of me, but I would do this for you if it was of critical importance. So if you believe this is so important (for shalom bayis maybe?) that I should give up all this energy to make this work, then I'm happy to do it." Maybe you should ask her directly?