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Help me understand teshuva when going through many struggles



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amother
Puce


 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 1:38 pm
I am having a hard time understanding my role right now this time of year, in doing teshuva. Let me explain.
I am going through a very difficult time, had a very very difficult year in most areas of my life. My world literally came crashing down in a few unrelated areas. The only possible way I am able to survive is by working on my emunah, really internalizing that everything comes from hashem, davening and working on myself to be a better person. I really feel closer to hashem than ever, though I am sad, knocked down and beg hashem for strength daily. I try hard to see the good, and really do manage to come up with little things that show me that hashem is crying with me and holding my hand. Having said that, I am having a hard time understanding my role now in aseres yemai Teshuva. I want to make the most of it, am begging hashem for a better year filled with bracha, nachas, parnassah, health and most of all a calm peaceful year with peace of mind. But as far as teshuva goes, I feel like I’m wrong for thinking that I’m more worked on than ever, closer to hashem than ever, and a better person than I’ve ever been, as this year literally took everything out of me and I feel like the mundane areas of life haven’t mattered so much. I half heartedly think of a little loshon hara I may have spoken, or if my skirt didn’t cover my knees while sitting at all times, or if maybe I snapped at my kids here or there on a very stressful day. But really I feel like my year was completely devoted to hashem.

Sorry for the ramble. I desperately need this coming year to be better and I feel like I’m wasting this week not doing anything about it other than whatever I’ve been doing until now.

Maybe I can do teshuva for not always being strong enough in believing that hashem is controlling everything in my life?

Hope my question is clear. I would love some insight.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 2:34 pm
If you believe your year was devoted to Hashem, like you say, maybe focus on that and search out your strengths. When I feel strong in something, I feel more motivated to get better and better in it, instead of constantly groveling playing catch-up.

We can’t ever know why things happen to us in our lives and it’s kind of a dangerous game when we try to guess. Hashem treasures your efforts and tefillos. He’s not out to catch you on minor details. It sounds like your heart and intentions and efforts are in the right place. Maybe concentrate on feeling Hashem’s love and belief in you, that He’s cheering you on and waiting to welcome you home and comfort you. Not because you were bad and now you’re better, but because you were good all along and you continue seeking Him out even despite all of your suffering.

Gmar chasima tova. May you have a year of revealed brachos in all areas of your life.
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Rugelech




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 5:56 pm
I have been also been through difficult times and very much feel for you.
I would not worry too much about the time of year and what you should/should not be doing because we are in the Aseres Yemei Teshuva. On the contrary it probably feels more like Tisha B'Av for you then Yom Tov because of the difficult time you have been having.

Below I list some strategies I used as self-help measures not specifically to do with Teshuva just general Aitzos when the going gets tough.

1) Going out for a walk might sound like a waste of time but even if you go out for 20 minutes, just changing your surrounding, looking at the beautiful wonders Hashem has given us, can be soothing. Try to do this daily.
2) Besides going out, distract yourself by taking on a new hobby never mind how busy or pre-occupied you are e.g. Sudoku, jigsaw puzzle, doing a craft, reading an interesting non fiction book about matters of general interest.
3) Writing can work wonders. Use a journal and write in it daily three things you are grateful for and try to vary the ideas each day (however difficult things might be for you at the moment).
Instead of feeling sorry for yourself due to the difficulties you are having, you are looking to Hashem to guide and help you which besides showing wonderful Middos, shows an inner strength that you should be proud of.
I hope these ideas give you a different angle with which to view your current situation.
Loads of hugs and kisses.
Gmar Chasimon Tova
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wantavaca




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 7:10 pm
Op I can totally relate.
Things have been so rough and the circumstances of my life have required so much of me these past few years that I don’t even feel the need to pick something specific now.
I have tried to amp up my davening during the past few days and it really helps take a bit of the edge off of my pain.
Maybe try to add in a little more davening or something else that would help alleviate your pain and connect you to Hashem in preparation for yk
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:15 pm
Hashem loves us. Hashem sees what we do.

Of course you can feel satisfaction in the way your neshama has grown in this challenging time!

Teshuvah doesn't have to only be about how we messed up when we could have done better if we tried. It can also be about how we could do better when circumstances allow.

Think about what it means to be a BT. The focus should be less on all the sins of the past when a person didn't understand better, but on how to change and grow for the future, now that they do.

Maybe, rather than racking your brains for some peccadillo to feel guilty about, you could focus on where you would like yourself to be as a person in a year?

If this year was focused on bein adam lamakom, maybe you might want to grow in bein adam lachaveiro?

Or maybe daven for the strength to stay as connected even when (iy"H) life improves?

Gmar chasima tova!
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amother
Puce


 

Post Mon, Sep 17 2018, 8:51 pm
Thanks everyone for your chizuk and beautiful answers. You gave me a lot of food for thought. I especially like what imasinger wrote about striving to stay close to hashem in good times. This is something I think about a lot- bec I know that I am definitely a lot closer to hashem because of the struggles I faced this year. And when I daven I thank hashem for the closeness, and dare offer hashem to work really hard on staying this close even if life becomes happier and easier.
So I guess this can be a concept in teshuva that sits well with me.

Thank you
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 18 2018, 7:48 am
amother wrote:
Thanks everyone for your chizuk and beautiful answers. You gave me a lot of food for thought. I especially like what imasinger wrote about striving to stay close to hashem in good times. This is something I think about a lot- bec I know that I am definitely a lot closer to hashem because of the struggles I faced this year. And when I daven I thank hashem for the closeness, and dare offer hashem to work really hard on staying this close even if life becomes happier and easier.
So I guess this can be a concept in teshuva that sits well with me.

Thank you


Read the parsha where Hashem warns Moshe that when the people enter the Land of Israel, and they become settled, they will forget the miracles that were done for them. It's a great reminder that we need to constantly be on guard against complacency.
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