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In-laws and Chinuch



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amother


 

Post Sun, Sep 30 2007, 10:37 am
Do your in-laws ever say or imply that they don't agree with your way of chinuch, and then contradict everything you say to your child?

My in-laws believe that you should let a child do whatever and whenever it wants, and never be punished. (unless it's a really terrible thing that was done). My husband and I are not like that; if a child does something wrong, especially if it involves hurting other kids, we punish them.

When we are by my in-law's house, my father-in-law keeps on contradicting me by telling my kid that "you ARE allowed to do the things that mommy says you can't."

For example: I tell my kid not to play with the door because someone's finger can get hurt. My f-I-l tells him that he CAN play with it. But when my sister-in-law's finger gets caught and she starts crying, suddenly my child is named "the wild animal" and everyone is screaming at him (poor baby; he's under 2 years old).

My father in law even accused me (he tried to make a joke of it) of putting my son in a 'straitjacket' and never allowing him to have any fun.
I believe that in someone else's house, you have to make sure your child behaves. At home you can be a bit more lenient. They can't understand it. When my mother-in-law once came to my parent's house, she let her 8-year-old daughter sit on my mom's glass coffee table!!

I don't want that chinuch for my children. And this commenting and insulting from my father in law is starting to grate on my nerves.

Does anyone else have it, and how did you solve the problem? At what point, and in what manner, can I tell him to butt out??
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 30 2007, 11:26 am
you have to have your husband back you up on this. it would probably be easier to have your in-laws visit you for a while rather than you visit them. keep visits fairly short, and let your in-laws know why you are doing it.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Oct 02 2007, 11:38 pm
I'm sure your husband agrees with you. And I think that if he ever really crosses the line, you have to tell him that you know he doesn't like ur way of chinuch, but since this is your own child you will raise however you feel is right. And it's none of his business.
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