Serving Buffet Style Vs. Serving Individual Portions

pause

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 5:23 pm

I'm not here to say one way is right or wrong. Let everyone choose what works for them. However, to explain what I wrote in another thread about it being more dignified.

When serving a large crowd, it's very hard to place enough food on platters to be enough for everyone. Then it gets awkward with how much people can take. Saying "There's more in the kitchen" doesn't help with the feeling of if I really want more, but if I take too much, I'm being a pig. Discreetly checking out other people's plates and how much they're loading onto it to figure out how much to take is uncomfortable. Then there's the issue of how many times any individual is asking to please pass a platter. Everyone is painfully aware of how much you are eating.

Besides all of this, when serving a crowd, inevitably someone will get last or second to last or... you get my point. By then, the food is a - coldish and b - has been touched by many people who either used their own fork to self-serve (as opposed to serving pieces) or their hands when they couldn't maneuver themselves with the slice that wasn't cut so thoroughly or the piece of meat that isn't separating from the next piece. Why shouldn't everyone get warm food straight from the pan/pot?

Then there's the issue of the passing around. I know for myself, I can't start eating a side dish if I don't have the main dish on my plate , or the opposite - the main without the side. This means I need to sit and wait (politely and patiently) while the deliciously smelling food is being passed around at the other side of the table. I can be sitting with a piece of chicken on my plate and wait 5 minutes to get the kugel. I'd personally wait 5 minutes and then get a full plate which I can then start eating immediately.

When you get a plate served in front of you, it's like at a wedding: You choose to eat what you want and leave over the rest. The only issue that I find with this method is that when plates are cleared, there's more waste and work for the hostess. But if I'm thinking of guests' comfort, to me it becomes clear to serve them properly.

Raisin

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 5:34 pm

I had traumatic experiences being over served at peoples houses (4 portions of different kugels!) and I am not a small eater. Also, whoever is served last or later on will feel slighted.

I do family style - but I will make several plates of chicken, rice etc depending on size of crowd.

I don't care how much food my guests take (within reason) but I do get annoyed when people have big eyes and don't eat most of the food.

Also, I make sure the food is circulating. And offer seconds.

SuperWify

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 5:41 pm

What about buffet style? Let everyone take what they want. We make a huge variety of foods and it definitely won’t fit into one plate.

So I come to your house and you serve me a beautiful plate of a chicken thigh, potatoes and kugel. What if I hate chicken and like potatoes and love kugel? I’m left with a almost full plate (embarrassing) and I’m very hungry and too shy to ask for another kugel.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 6:23 pm

I love plating food but will only do it once in a blue moon when I really know the people I'm serving and what and how much they eat. Seeing food that I went to great expense and trouble to buy and make go into the trash breaks my heart.

Passing food around gets complicated. People seem shy to ask for things to be passed around or wont even notice certain things at the table. I used to make two platters of everything and place one at each end of the table. Now I have a huge buffet to serve from and all problems are solved. I have huge platters and people take what they like. I encourage (gently, no presure) second and third trips so nobody feels shy to take more.

SixOfWands

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 6:27 pm

I always serve family style or buffet. People can politely avoid the foods they don't like, and fill up on those that they do. I've never had an issue with anyone not being able to get "firsts," although I do occasionally run out before everyone gets seconds.

There are some weird things that I or people I know won't touch, but they don't advertise it or make a big deal out of it. One person won't eat anything with peppers. Not an allergy, just an intense dislike of peppers. Ditto another for mushrooms. And a third won't eat chicken with bones. How much easier to let them avoid the offending foods than to force it on their plates.

Teomima

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 6:34 pm

Interesting. It's never occurred to me to plate food in my own home, nor have I ever been served a plated meal at anyone else's home. This is something I only ever encounter at weddings.

I really don't think anyone needs to be self conscious about taking what they like for themselves. I honestly never watch my guests to make mental notes of what and how much they're eating, nor do I feel judged as a guest when I take food. I don't check out other people's plates to estimate what size serving I should take. I just take what I please.

I just chalk it up to having the soul of a yiddishe mamme, seeing as I always encourage my guests to eat, eat! People eating large servings/finishing a dish is a compliment to the chef!

Iymnok

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 6:43 pm

Plated- serving each plate with the portions already on it.
Family style- a full setting at each place with serving dishes placed at the center to be passed around.
Buffet- the food is placed on a table or cart on the side and the guests serve themselves before sitting.

Family style would be the the classic way of serving. It gives the guest the most autonomy and comfort. They can comfortably eat within their comfort without offending the host/ex’s by Not finishing.
They can take more of their preferred food.
I feel infanticized when served a full plate of food. (Will I go to timeout if I don’t finish?).

I serve salad bar style, a separate bowl of each vegetable since each of my kids has a different preference for their salad.

Do those who plate food also make separate dinners for each of their kids every night?

teachkids

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 6:44 pm

As someone with uncommon allergies, I have a very hard time when food is plated. I don't make a deal about my allergies because there's never more than 2 dishes affected by them, but there's always at least 1, sometime making my whole plate inedible to me. If you feel the need to plate food, please double check that everyone wants everything, which is a huge hassle, and may make it not worth it.

ra_mom

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 7:58 pm

If everyone fits around the regular dining room table, I do platters. I've amassed a beautiful collection of serving bowls and platters that makes it enjoyable for me. Over time everybody has changed their eating habits and plating becomes wasteful.

If it's a large crowd/party with multiple tables (even if all connected in a U), I plate individual servings, otherwise it gets too chaotic. And we make sure we have enough for those who want seconds too.

Last edited by ra_mom on Thu, Sep 20 2018, 8:05 pm; edited 1 time in total

thunderstorm

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 8:02 pm

I've always plated food until I started hosting over thirty people at once. Once I had a sizable crowd I realized how much food went to waste when I plated. I also serve a lot of different types of food at a meal because I myself like variety. So I do platters of food family style at a Yom Tov meal and I do buffet style at Purim Seudos, Chanuka mesibos and Melave Malka's.
I plated everything for my sons Bar Mitzvah and I have regret that I was so busy plating I didn't get to enjoy the meal with my guests (I do Bar Mitzvos in my own home).
I find that when serving dinner style the host gets to sit down together with the guests and I find it much more enjoyable for both guests and me as the host.
Of course plating is prettier, but that's really all it is. People feel uncomfortable leaving over food on their plate and when your served a chicken bottom and you only like white meat, that chicken bottom will end up in the garbage and the hostess feels like her food wasn't "good enough". Dinner style allows for everyone to choose what they like and leave the rest for others.
I also serve two trays or bowls of everything so that there are two of the same platter being passed around to avoid long wait times.

oliveoil

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 8:42 pm

I hate receiving plated food. I want to decide of, what, and how much of each food I want to eat. When I was single I actually stopped going to certain houses because the plated food was too stressful. I could never eat it well enough to make the host feel good.

Re serving a large crowd, doesn't that take forever if you're serving individual portions? I guess I'm not understanding either all the worry about food getting passed around. We just make multiple plates to spread around the tables. And instead of doing a full platter of kugel and a full platter of shnitzel, for example, we'll fill each platter with half kugel and half shnitzel so less passing is required. For things that need their own serving platter/bowl, we just use smaller ones and make more of them.

amother

Beige

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 8:51 pm

as others have said if it's a large crowd we do more then one serving dish of the same food.

Why are people sticking their own fork in to the serving plate? That drives me crazy! I teach my children not to do that. I'll eat from their plate but I want them to have proper manners when they go to someone else's house. I am far from "emily post" but some things I feel strongly about and this is one of them!

I don't like plated food at all- you can't decide how much or how little you want to eat. You feel uncomfortable asking for doubles and the hostess will see if you leave stuff over. Unless all your guests aren't picky eaters you will have wasted food and I hate to see that when it would so easily have been avoided.

Reality

Thu, Sep 20 2018, 8:52 pm

I prefer making portions when it is just my family. I know what everyone likes or I ask to make sure. I find it really helps me and some family members stick to one portion. Otherwise if its right in front of us we just keep taking cuz its staring at us!! I grew up with my mother making portions for all of us.

When I have guests I serve family style because that is what most people prefer. If you don't have a dishwasher it sure makes more work washing up after the meal!

When I host a party I serve buffet. Except the one time I hosted a formal sit down seudah in my house. Then I served portions. It was A LOT of work!

pause

Fri, Sep 21 2018, 12:34 am

Iymnok wrote:

After reading several responses, I realized I conflated buffet with family style. Smile

Buffet style is even worse than family style IMO, unless it's a party. In middle of a regular meal, I don't want guests standing up and walking around with plates of food. Oh, the horror of it!

pause

Fri, Sep 21 2018, 12:41 am

It's sooooooooooooooo interesting to me how many people serve family style! I guess that some of the concerns I expressed in my OP can be addressed with multiple platters. Then again, when it's my family and one other family (as I said, I never host more than that), we're not talking about that many people, and so many platters to pass around can almost equal the amount of portions to be plated.