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Serving Buffet Style Vs. Serving Individual Portions
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 12:43 am
And I do agree with whoever said that family style is more convenient and more enjoyable for the hostess when serving a large crowd. As a guest though, I always appreciate plated food rather and I assumed most people also would. You live and you learn!
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 12:45 am
pause wrote:
It's sooooooooooooooo interesting to me how many people serve family style! I guess that some of the concerns I expressed in my OP can be addressed with multiple platters. Then again, when it's my family and one other family (as I said, I never host more than that), we're not talking about that many people, and so many platters to pass around can almost equal the amount of portions to be plated.


When you go to others for meals, are they plated? As others said, I've only see that at weddings and Sheva brachos, never just s Shabbos meal in someone's home. And as someone who likes control over what she eats and How much, I strongly dislike plated meals and would never consider them for guests in my home. I want everyone to feel comfortable taking as much or as little as they want, of whatever they want
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 12:49 am
I host a lot but only serve individual portions. I never do family style- people take too much, put their licked forks into the plate.... never had an issue yet. The guests have no issues asking for refills of certain dishes( usually soup). I prepare all the plates and then send them in so no wait between people. I add the hot food last so as my kids serve I put that on the plate(usually the meat)

Last edited by flowerpower on Fri, Sep 21 2018, 12:51 am; edited 2 times in total
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 12:49 am
pesek zman wrote:
When you go to others for meals, are they plated? As others said, I've only see that at weddings and Sheva brachos, never just s Shabbos meal in someone's home. And as someone who likes control over what she eats and How much, I strongly dislike plated meals and would never consider them for guests in my home. I want everyone to feel comfortable taking as much or as little as they want, of whatever they want

Mostly.

We usually only eat Shabbos/YT meals with family. My mother usually serves family style and I never liked for the reasons mentioned. Everyone else we've been to, including MIL, sisters, sisters-in-law, aunts, cousins served us plated - except one aunt who happens to be my mother's sister. Smile
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 12:50 am
flowerpower wrote:
I host a lot but only serve individual portions. I never do family style- people take too much, put their licked forks into the plate.... never had an issue yet. The guests have no issues asking for refils of certain dishes( usually soup). I prepare the all the plates and then send them in so no wait between people. I add the hot food last so as my kids serve I put that on the plate(usually the meat)


I'm starting to wonder if it's a chassidish thing... Wink
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 1:46 am
We were recently "a crowd". I announced that I'm plating A, B and C and that if anyone doesn't want all three to please let me know. Side dishes were on the table to be eaten family-style.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 2:01 am
I dont think I have ever eaten at a home where food was plated. I think when food is plated there will inevitably be a LOT of waste at the end.
I was plated food once, at a distant relative. She heaped the food on and well, I literally could not eat everything on my plate and it was a real shame to have to throw it away.
When people take themselves, usually they take how much they think/know they will eat. Yes, there are those people who will have larger eyes than stomachs, but most of the time, it works out just fine.

We always do family style and then things either get passed around or people pass their plates and whoever is sitting next to any certain dish will dish it out to whoever wants that.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 2:22 am
There is absolutely no way to win with this one. Everyone here is right, for their own reasons.

Personally, I have PTSD from going out to people with my (ex)DH. He would always use his own dirty silverware to serve himself. He would take half the platter of fish for himself before anyone else had a chance to get. When a platter was passed to him, he would just set it down and not pass it. I always had to remind him that other people wanted to eat, too. It's like no one else in the world mattered, because he lives in his own bubble.

For me, I have Parkinsons-like tremors in both my arms, and when someone hands me a really hot, really heavy platter, I am terrified that I am going to drop it or flip it across the table and burn everyone. Then I'm embarrassed and have to say that I can't hold it and ask for someone else to pass it.

DS has some weird allergies, and is always upset when foods are touching each other, so plated food would send him into a meltdown.

Things got so bad for us that for the past few years we just didn't ever go to anyone. If I have to suffer, I'd rather do it alone.
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moonstone




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 3:21 am
pause wrote:
After reading several responses, I realized I conflated buffet with family style. Smile
Buffet style is even worse than family style IMO, unless it's a party. In middle of a regular meal, I don't want guests standing up and walking around with plates of food. Oh, the horror of it!


Seriously? That's the only way we do meals. I have never plated food or received plated food (except at a wedding/bar mitzvah). It would never occur to me to plate someone else's meal. How do I know what and how much they want to eat? Plus, I don't want to be bothered doing that, it sounds like a huge pain. No, thanks.

And passing around food like on "The Waltons"? It's too awkward and we don't like all the platters of food cluttering up the table.

We always serve buffet style. I think it's perfect. I don't understand the "horror" of guests walking with their plates to get more food, but I guess I'm not a fancy person - and proud of it!
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amother
Violet


 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 3:34 am
I had never heard of buffet style until lately, when my dd returned from a community abroad and she said that's what everyone did. One of the girls was asked what was the weirdest thing she saw abroad, and she replied, 'buffet style'!

I have nothing against it, it seems very logical. I'm just not used to it. I guess the only thing that might bother me is that it's a lot more obvious when you get up for seconds. I'm a person who grazes - I take a little bit, eat, rest, and then a little bit more. I think it would be awkward to get up every time, though I guess I would just change my eating habits.

Everyone I know does family style. You do need a wider table to accomodate platters - probably a meter or a meter ten minimum. I find it a lot more social than the formal 'plating' - people ask you to pass the rice, or if you could place three meatballs and a bit of sauce on their plate.

In traditional African and Middle Eastern cultures, the food was (and in many places, still is) placed on a communal plate, and everyone scoops up their portion on pieces of bread/pita. It seems to me a much more connecting/bonding experience. Although I wouldn't want to eat from a communal plate, family style platters somewhat offer this experience.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 4:06 am
Why does everyone have such big platters?
I have lots of smaller decorative glass bowls and trays that don’t clutter the table and are easy for everyone to pass. Sometimes I return to the kitchen to refill.

ETA my table is 106cm.
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etky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 4:38 am
No way is ideal.
Personally I would love plating because it is the neatest and most aesthetic way of serving and as a guest I wouldn't mind it because I'm not picky and would appreciate a nicely arranged plate. I never do this though because it's just 'not done' in our circles (except at weddings) and there is the aspect of picky eaters/allergies etc, which would end up in wastage and/or dissatisfied guests.
Buffet style is not really popular in our circles. It does have its advantages though and I am considering it but I'm not so crazy about the idea of people popping up and down and moving around with plates of food. It's a bit more casual than what I am used to.
We do family style, but it definitely has its drawbacks too. There are people who are oblivious to the dynamics and social niceties of taking and passing (not only kids Rolling Eyes ...) and the serving pieces do take up alot of space on the table.
I think I'm going to give buffet style a shot and see how it goes Smile
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 4:46 am
I just use regular dinner plates for serving platters.
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etky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 6:32 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
I dont think I have ever eaten at a home where food was plated. I think when food is plated there will inevitably be a LOT of waste at the end.
I was plated food once, at a distant relative. She heaped the food on and well, I literally could not eat everything on my plate and it was a real shame to have to throw it away.
When people take themselves, usually they take how much they think/know they will eat. Yes, there are those people who will have larger eyes than stomachs, but most of the time, it works out just fine.

We always do family style and then things either get passed around or people pass their plates and whoever is sitting next to any certain dish will dish it out to whoever wants that.


So, it's very popular now to place an insulated runner on the table and to line up the hot food - often in oven-to-table pans - down it's length. The hostess will serve people from these central bowls/pans or ask someone sitting close to them to serve. I like this because it's 'neater' and lends more coherence to the table but, OTOH, I find that it makes the food less accessible to those who may want to take more. People are sometimes inhibited about asking others for another helping and other times, the dish may be located near a child or other clueless person who is not helpful about serving. There's a certain awkwardness involved that is less pronounced when food is just passed around.
I'm still searching for the ideal way to serve Confused
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 7:01 am
I like serving and being served. No mess up
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 7:20 am
pause wrote:
I'm starting to wonder if it's a chassidish thing... Wink

I don't think so. I grew up with BT parents and my mother plated everything. Our next door neighbor was a BT and she plated everything as well.
We ate by different people all the time because my mother was single so I got to see lots of different type of homes. In a few Chasidish homes we were asked what we want before the food was plated (holocaust survivors,I guess they were concerned about waste) . You were told what there is and that's what was given to you. If you wanted more you needed to ask.
In other Chasidish homes it was dinner style.
I've gone to yeshivish/Litvish homes where it was dinner style.
I've gone to homes where the hostess put everything in front of her and then went person by person asking what they want and she put it in their plate (these people were very calculated and stingy)
My non frum grandmother made platters and always encouraged us to take ourselves (she was American and did not go through the war and always served five times the amount we really needed)
I think everyone is different. It may have to do with which country a persons from. I've noticed that plated food was done in many of my friends homes that were not necessarily Chasidish but either from Hungarian descent or from Oberland.


Last edited by thunderstorm on Fri, Sep 21 2018, 7:21 am; edited 1 time in total
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 7:21 am
The only time I plate food for people is if we are ONLY us- only me my husband and our kids. Otherwise I put all the food on the table- on plates, in bowls, in serving dishes, etc.- and everyone can take what they want. The only thing I serve individually is soup, but everyone gets a bowl of clear broth, and a bowl of vegetables and a bowl of chicken goes on the table for everyone to take from.
I regularly host 20+ people. If I served individual portions, I would never get to eat.
I’ve never had someone not get firsts of something, and the only time food was not hot by the time it went around was when my warning drawer was broken. I’ve never had an issue with people leaving hungry.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 8:17 am
thunderstorm wrote:
I don't think so. I grew up with BT parents and my mother plated everything. Our next door neighbor was a BT and she plated everything as well.
We ate by different people all the time because my mother was single so I got to see lots of different type of homes. In a few Chasidish homes we were asked what we want before the food was plated (holocaust survivors,I guess they were concerned about waste) . You were told what there is and that's what was given to you. If you wanted more you needed to ask.
In other Chasidish homes it was dinner style.
I've gone to yeshivish/Litvish homes where it was dinner style.
I've gone to homes where the hostess put everything in front of her and then went person by person asking what they want and she put it in their plate (these people were very calculated and stingy)
My non frum grandmother made platters and always encouraged us to take ourselves (she was American and did not go through the war and always served five times the amount we really needed)
I think everyone is different. It may have to do with which country a persons from. I've noticed that plated food was done in many of my friends homes that were not necessarily Chasidish but either from Hungarian descent or from Oberland.


Why isn't everyone concerned about waste? If I serve a platter of chicken and there are 3 pieces left, than my family has 3 pieces of chicken for leftovers. If I plate up dinners and 3 peoples don't eat their chicken: either they don't like dark vs white, or the way it was prepared, that's 3 pieces of chicken that's going in the garbage. That's so wasteful! Why isn't that an issue for more people?
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 8:20 am
pesek zman wrote:
Why isn't everyone concerned about waste? If I serve a platter of chicken and there are 3 pieces left, than my family has 3 pieces of chicken for leftovers. If I plate up dinners and 3 peoples don't eat their chicken: either they don't like dark vs white, or the way it was prepared, that's 3 pieces of chicken that's going in the garbage. That's so wasteful! Why isn't that an issue for more people?

I agree with you about waste. But it is true , definitely of the older generation that those that did not go through the war in Europe were more wasteful in terms of food. They purchased more and were quicker to discard rather than to serve it as leftovers.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 21 2018, 8:24 am
I think that you are putting a bit too much thought into some of these things, but after reading some of your comments in this thread, I'm thinking that plating is more comfortable for you because its what you see in your community. You mentioned that your guests consist of close family, so I can see how plating would be easy for you to do, you generally know what people like or dont like. When you host couples/friends, it changes dynamics a bit. Also, simcha hosting is not the same as regular shabbos or YT hosting. Here are my thoughts.


pause wrote:


When serving a large crowd, it's very hard to place enough food on platters to be enough for everyone. Then it gets awkward with how much people can take. Saying "There's more in the kitchen" doesn't help with the feeling of if I really want more, but if I take too much, I'm being a pig. Discreetly checking out other people's plates and how much they're loading onto it to figure out how much to take is uncomfortable. Then there's the issue of how many times any individual is asking to please pass a platter. Everyone is painfully aware of how much you are eating.


Honestly, there is a concept in sociology known as the "World Stage", which is the belief that everyone is looking at you. In reality, most people dont, and no one notices how much you take. You dont need to put more than one platter of anything at the table. Again, this is not for simcha hosting, but for a general shabbos lunch (even when you have a large crowd for the lunch). You put ONE platter of cold cuts. ONE platter of kugel. And you pass. And I promise, polite company pays no attention to who is asking to pass what platter how often.

pause wrote:
Besides all of this, when serving a crowd, inevitably someone will get last or second to last or...

So what? Its ok if someone gets last and its ok if its not piping hot. Who is touching the food? Make sure there are serving pieces and you should be ok. Or people are using their own clean forks to take, which isnt polite but ok.
pause wrote:
their hands when they couldn't maneuver themselves with the slice that wasn't cut so thoroughly or the piece of meat that isn't separating from the next piece.

Avoid this by making sure that you have pre cut everything thoroughly before putting on the platter. I host a lot and have literally never had this issue. Now and then a guest will use the serving fork to cut a piece of kugel into a smaller slice and leave half on the tray, but no one touches it with their hands. Why is it a big deal if someone maneuvers a piece of kugel?

pause wrote:
Then there's the issue of the passing around. I know for myself, I can't start eating a side dish if I don't have the main dish on my plate , or the opposite - the main without the side. This means I need to sit and wait (politely and patiently) while the deliciously smelling food is being passed around at the other side of the table. I can be sitting with a piece of chicken on my plate and wait 5 minutes to get the kugel. I'd personally wait 5 minutes and then get a full plate which I can then start eating immediately.

You really think it takes 5 minutes for the platter to make it to you? In this case, I think you are projecting your preferences to other guests. I never occurred to me to be bothered if I dont have a plate with all meal components before starting to eat.

pause wrote:
When you get a plate served in front of you, it's like at a wedding: You choose to eat what you want and leave over the rest. The only issue that I find with this method is that when plates are cleared, there's more waste and work for the hostess. But if I'm thinking of guests' comfort, to me it becomes clear to serve them properly.

The waste doesn't bother you? I'd be very bothered if someone left a whole piece of chicken on their plate because they didn't like it. Say I serve them white meat and they only like dark? Or the white meat is too dry for their taste? Or I serve dark and the person only eats white? That's not just "waste", its money that's being tossed in the trash! And so many people cant afford basic chicken. I cant imagine putting food on people's plates knowing that it may be tossed.

I know your intention is to be as considerate as you can possibly be and that's the reason why you serve the way you do. This is just my opinion, obviously. I am thrilled to be invited anywhere! But when I am served a whole plate, I do find it to be off-putting. I am way too embarrassed to ask for more of something and usually assume that the host is plating because they dont have enough to pass around. Like they assumed 8 people, 8 pieces of chicken. Also, I am not the most picky person, but if something has mayo or beans... no thanks. And I think most people would find it embarrassing to leave food on their plates or ask for seconds.

Also - how does one plate portions of cholent? I'm imagining a plate coming out of the kitchen with cholent oozing into my salad and kugel. That sounds most unappetizing!

End of the day, to each their own and everyone is entitled to make their own minds up for their houses and hosting style. This thread is a good way for hosts to see what other people like or dont like, so thats very good.
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