DD developing an eating disorder

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, Sep 23 2018, 10:18 am

I need chizuk and prayers. My DD, age 13, has developed an eating disorder. In the last month, she has suddenly become obsessed with "being fat" and has started avoiding most foods. She has started exercising and is constantly worried whether she has done enough.

She has always been a little on the "perfectionist" side. When she was younger she would worry about things out of her control and we took her for therapy and it helped.

I think there are a few factors contributing to her need for control now.

For one, she is absolutely miserable in school. She is in her last year at her day school and can't stand going to school. All of her friends, except one, graduated last year. She really dislikes most of the teachers. She doesn't respect them. She feels they are ineffectual. I personally don't think many of the teachers enjoy their job at the school, and it shows. Unfortunately, I think it is too late to switch schools. She had similar feelings last year about her school but at least she had friends there. We offered to let her go to the only other Jewish alternative, a pluralistic school where secular studies were more emphasized, and out of "peer pressure" she decided to stay where she is at now. But she has increasingly expressed regret for her decision.

But, aside from her current school, she is really worried about high school. She doesn't know where she is going to go next year. She has only a few options in town and neither option speaks to her, at all. She is worried she will end up in a place that she is miserable in, like she is now.

On top of the school issues, she has started acting like a "moody" teenager. I think she surprises even herself in how downright moody and mean she can be to her siblings and us, her parents. I think she then feels bad about herself even more.

So, she is really, really not happy and only faced with uncertainty and currently her situation, to her, feels out of control.

Of course, we will get her therapy.

I feel like our tiny community with limited options and pressure to "live up to expectations" amplifies our problem.

Any suggestions, aside from therapy?

amother

Wine

Sun, Sep 23 2018, 10:26 am

I would take her to a psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorders as well ASAP. Early intervention is extremely important for eating disorders, and if you can intervene quickly on the mood issues, the therapy will be much more effective early on. Also, make sure you send her to the right therapist, who has training in eating disorders.

You seem like an extremely caring and attuned mom. Kudos to you. She is lucky to have so much caring and support in her life

debbie321

Sun, Sep 23 2018, 10:31 am

Hugs!
If she doesnt like school, amd her friends left, she probably feels so much is out of her control and there is nothing to look forward to...
Besides for therapy, can you enroll her in an after school/sunday program type event? Something that she finds interesting, and where she will socialize with non school friends? Ie, art class, aerobics, baking class, ice skating classes, ( or some other type of program meant for hobbies out of school)
I work as a therapist in a boys school, and some of the boys I see just do not thrive...they are moody, need a different atmosphere and group of friends. They dont enjoy coming to school. They beed a hobby or some5hing to look forward to every weel thats not school related. ( these are the boys that dont enjoy sports. Ive been talking to a mother about finding a woodworking/ habdon type of program because this kid loves tools. It hasnt gone anywhere)
Its more of something to look forward to; a reason to go to school( 5 more days till karate) and something to feel a little in control of. It might also give her some5hing to focus on besides for weight...

This is not a solution or a bandaid. More of something from the perspective of someone who never liked my school, and needed an out of school outlet to look forward to so I wouldnt snap...
Good luck!

amother

Blonde

Sun, Sep 23 2018, 4:08 pm

amother wrote:

I agree. Do your research VERY WELL. There are many bad therapist and poorly run eating disorder programs out there. Get intervention NOW.
I'm recovered (recovering? not sure if I'll ever be fully recovered) from an eating disorder btw.
Are you sure it's too late for her to switch schools? If it is then try to find ways for her to cope and deal with it. Really try to work with her and whoever else you can think of to try to figure out school for next year. Maybe if she has something worked out she'll have some kind of light at the end of the tunnel- like at least get through this year so...
Seriously try to work on getting her therapy. She may be able to get skills to cope with school. Maybe you can find someone you can talk to about that. I agree with the other poster about finding something maybe outside of school that she would enjoy so she has something fun going on.

Great for you for being on top of this. I wish both of you much luck!

Mommy1:)

Sun, Sep 23 2018, 5:54 pm

Speak with the pediatrician STAT to settle on an appropriate level of care. Often therapy is not enough - especially if it's only once a week, or less than that. Sometimes, when it's first out in the open, a more intensive outpatient treatment like intensive outpatient or partial hospitalization or even a bedded program may be necessary to stabilize. outpatient psychiatric treatment is also a helpful component to treatment. Eating disorders are often further along than parents realize by the time it's discovered.
Refuah shelaima!

amother

Brunette

Mon, Sep 24 2018, 4:14 pm

I wouldn't run to a psychiatrist with eating disorders with her. I would do it myself, to get advice what to do. But I wouldn't want to have her label herself as someone with an eating disorder, or to have her feel that I am focused on her eating.
I think it's extremely dangerous to label kids who sometimes are just in a transitional stage.

You seem to feel by instinct that she is feeling she needs more control in her life. First of all, you can send her to a regular therapist, or go yourself, to see how she can gain more control. But more importantly, think big and out of the box. If there's one thing I regret, it's not doing that for some of my kids. She's miserable? Pull her out of school entirely. Have her homeschooled. Or switch schools if she wants to, even if it is the last year.

Next year? She doesn't like the options? Open up the options. Public school, homeschool, whatever it takes. She needs to be happy and to feel like she has choices.

amother

Copper

Tue, Sep 25 2018, 10:28 pm

Aside for addressing all the emotional/psycho-social factors, I would not ignore the biological/medical aspect of eating disorders. Emerging research points to strong autoimmune and inflammatory components. A functional or integrative MD, nutritionist or psychologist may be a good starting point. http://pediatrics.aappublicati.....-3060 Dr. Swedo is a leading researcher at the National Institute of Health on how autoimmunity affects the brain.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Sep 25 2018, 10:51 pm

thank you for the replies. Aside from the therapy, I too, have thought about pulling her from school and also moving. Even though my DD absolutely hates her school, I suspect she will be just as difficult to convince to go to an alternate school temporarily, because she doesn't want to "quit". I think this also comes from peer pressure. This is such a small community. She knows people will talk. Friends included.

amother

Plum

Tue, Sep 25 2018, 11:21 pm

amother wrote:

I think it's extremely dangerous to label kids who sometimes are just in a transitional stage.

It's extremely dangerous to minimize a dangerous condition that can be life threatening. Eating disorders are not something to play around with. Kids and adults actually die from it every year. OP, please take your concerns about your child very seriously. Like Mommy:) mentioned, by the time you notice it, it's often been going on for a while before. Please seek support and advice from professionals who are licensed and experienced in this area, not from amothers.

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Sep 26 2018, 12:15 am

the woman who wrote about integrative medicine is right on target.

Also, please take her to a cardiologist to see if her heart rate is fine. The early stages of anorexia usually show a slowdown in the heart.

An MRI can show if her bones are thinnig out due to not enought nutrition.

One close family member diagnosed which stage one of anoreixia ,( bone thinning out and heart level 20 points too low)reversed his condition by following food recommendations of
Dr. Peter Dadamo blood type diet. He ate junk food but supplemented with soups made out of kitniyos. This gives immediate energy to blood type B AS PER DR PETER DADAMOS DIET. the added physical strenght made all the difference.

amother

Olive

Wed, Sep 26 2018, 2:48 pm

Please contact Devorah Levinson from Relief. She is an expert on eating disorders and can guide you.
Devorah Levinson 718-431-9501 Ext. 103 dlevinson@reliefhelp.org
Also please take your daughter to the doctor ASAP - they will evaluate.
Like one poster previously mentioned- they can check her heart rate and other symptoms.
Are her fingers always cold? This comes from not enough blood flow due to lower heart rate. This is not something to be taken lightly. These disorders kill. They don’t always come from stress or a body image root - sometimes they start innocently with just trying to eat healthy. Once the body gets down to a certain weight there is a neurobiological switch that sometimes turns on in the brain that can then create an eating disorder in the child/teen.
Please call Devorah and your doctor ASAP.