Hosting large families - tips please

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note

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amother

Wine

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:36 pm

amother

Puce

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:40 pm

Do you have any children?

doodlesmom

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:47 pm

The most important thing to know when hosting a large family is that you need to let go -your house rules might be broken and routines will go haywire, and not be afraid to ask for their help- with serving, cleaning etc.

Simple1

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:50 pm

Buying toys is an investment probably only worth it if they will be coming repeatedly like grandchildren. Otherwise, tell them that you don't have toys and they're welcome to bring their own.

You can ask them about their food preferences.

Tell them your house rules; don't expect that they'll know on their own. You may need to remind them as well as relax your standards a bit.

I guess the best tip would be to relax and have fun, even though it might not be easy 100% of the time.

Last edited by Simple1 on Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:51 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wine

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:50 pm

amother wrote:

Do you have any children?

I have older teens.

doodlesmom

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 2:54 pm

TO answer ur questions:

amother wrote:

I would love to host a large family for a Shabbos. Kindly share tips how to do this successfully.

Kids range from infant to HS. Please help me figure out the logistics as my house is not set up for young kids.

Am I to buy toys to entertain the kids? Is this the mom's responsibility? No, but I feel you have absolutely no toys then do mention it to the mom so that she can bring entertainment.

How do you determine how much food to make?
Make a portion for any kid over 8 and 1/2 for the younger ones. U might have leftovers but it's better than being short.

Is there special food I should make for the for kids? Do you serve shabbos food in smaller portions?
See above- you don't need to make special food but I would advise having basic no need seuda food available for the picky ones and for the ones who are hungry off schedule.
Also remember breakfast etc.nosh...

How do you keep the kids from exploring the rest of the house?
By clearly explaining the boundaries- though it might be broken.

I don't allow food off the table. Should I tell the mom in advance?
No- just tell the kids when serving the food
What age do you give plastic versus china?
Whatever you want-if you usually don't host a big family maybe just get those fancy resposable dishes that you can discard.

Is there anything else you can think of?
It will be noisy!!!!
Stock up on paper cups and tissues and tp
Thanks

[b]

amother

Wine

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 3:01 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

TO answer ur questions:
[b]

Thanks so much. I didn't think of the noise. shock

It is good to be warned.

Should I buy inexpensive toys to take home. That isn't such a problem. Should I set up a play area in my dining room?

amother

Jade

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 3:02 pm

amother wrote:

I have older teens.

So the other family’s teens might hang out with yours. But the younger kids will have nobody to play with. This will be yours (and the parents’) biggest challenge.

pesek zman

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 3:07 pm

As a mom of a toddler, I don't expect hosts who don't have kids to have toys or other kid paraphanalia (high chair/booster seat/bib) and I bring my own. How well do you know the mom? Is she the type to be 'on top of her Kids' (if You see Johnny walking leaving the table with a piece of challah in his hand, and you say, no chalks in the living room Johnny, is she the type to back you up, or is she super laid back?) I think hosting young kids when you're out of that life stage is hard. Make peace with the fact that it might be a stressful meal for you and some of your rules may not be respected

zaq

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 3:15 pm

Kol hakavod to you for even considering such an invitation. Not many people would, which is why large families don’t often get invited out. Kudos to you also for caring enough to ask what to expect. You sound like a special person.

amother

Orange

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 3:18 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks so much. I didn't think of the noise. shock

It is good to be warned.

Should I buy inexpensive toys to take home. That isn't such a problem. Should I set up a play area in my dining room?

Why to take home? Keep them for future guests and grandchildren iyh.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 3:39 pm

Also there’s a big difference between toddlers and school age kids.

School age kids can entertain themselves.
Tell mom to bring a game or books for them

Toddlers need more watching over, but many times the teens help out.

As far as menu, just make what you and your family like.

How big of a family are we talking about

I would calculate whole portions for kids over the age of bar/bat mitzvah, and 1/2 portions for any one younger. Buy extra challah, though, in case the kids are picky eaters.
For day time deli roll and cholent is always a big hit, and a yummy potato kugel.

amother

Puce

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 6:22 pm

amother wrote:

I have older teens.

Okay - I asked because when you posted it sounded like you'd never fed young children - or brought your young children over to play at someone else's house.

Can you borrow some items from a family with younger kids?

For food - have a few really 'safe items'. Chicken fingers, roasted sweet potato.

flowerpower

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 6:30 pm

Ok. My first question is how many people do you consider a large family?

Next... is it for a meal only?

Third- make a lot of quantity of whatever you make but don’t patchke too much!

Fourth- make sure there is enough to drink on the table- water, seltzer( whatever you prefer)
And make sure there is enough seating

I’d give china over the age of 9 probably.. not younger. Give plastic cups as well( unless you want to sweep broken glass)

The little kids may sit nicely by the table until after the first course until dessert is served.

Prepare a toy or two they can all
Play together and tell them that the bedrooms etc is off limits

Good luck and enjoy the meal!

ectomorph

Wed, Oct 03 2018, 8:47 pm

Ask them to bring toys, y should u haveto store it unless you have tons of space .
Expect chaos. Try to make sure dangerous things are not where a child can reach.

Raisin

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 1:42 am

giving china only to the older people in my family would not fly. Toddlers tend to want exactly what others have! I have inexpensive white plates for shabbos, not fine china. Use all paper or all china.

Food is tricky...many of the foods others mentioned as kids liking my kids don't eat. Kids tend to like challah. My kids like cholent (my cholent, they may not like yours) and deli.

sirel

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 1:49 am

Kids don't usually sit at the table for the whole meal. If you have a play area nearby, where the mom can keep an eye on them while enjoying her meal and the adult conversation, I'm sure it will be much appreciated.

Ruchel

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 4:54 am

You definitely don't have to entertain and buy toys.
You can aks if they have a fav to eat but I wouldn't really. If there are allergies they should tell you (I say that as someone who can't eat gluten and do NOT expect people to ask)
Lock up your room
Ouch for the food rule please definitely tell the mom. It would not be easy at all for us
China can be good at 3 or not good at 5 depends on kid...

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