My 10 year old daughter wants to know....

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Oct 04 2018, 11:01 pm

oneofakind wrote:

Even a 10 year old can understand that there are different rules for different people even if it's not logical. Women wear makeup. Men don't. Why is a woman's upper body considered private? Because.

For my other kids “because” might fly. Not this one.

myname1

Fri, Oct 05 2018, 3:07 am

I would just say different cultures have different rules, and just like we say the elbow is a private part for a woman and keep it covered (and our rules come from the Torah), the general secular world's rules say women's chests are private. But I see physical attraction as the only explanation for why, so not sure what I would say if pressed further. I guess since 10 is close to puberty you can say "It's a sign of physical maturity for a woman and kept private," depending on what she knows about that process. But again, no clue about what to say if asked why.

amother

Dodgerblue

Fri, Oct 05 2018, 6:27 am

Men and women are built differently.
Boys and girls are different. (lots of differences you can enumerate if you wish -- roles in yiddishkeit for example as well as having babies and generally the ability to nurse them if appropriate for this child and your family)
Hashem Made our bodies different.
Women and girls have "private parts" on top and bottom.

If you are concerned about further "whys" the answer at some point is "because thats the way Hashem Made it." And we don't always understand it or have to. Teachable moment.
And you can compliment her and encourage her questions and open communication.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Oct 05 2018, 1:40 pm

amother wrote:

In a similar vein. My neighbor put a huge pool in her backyard. All women and girls swim in a shvim kleid but I'm so uncomfortable when her husband or father swim only in trunks.. Am I crazy. I was raised that tznius is important for women and MEN.

Why are you watching her husband and father swim in her private backyard?

amother

Papaya

Fri, Oct 05 2018, 3:09 pm

the pool is so large that it extends right until my kitchen window. I usually keep my window shade down when anyone is in the pool but I shouldnt have to close my shade.. She has a very tall fence on the other side because that neighbor made alot of trouble for her about the pool but as I am in the mountains all summer we decided not to bother them to put up a 10 foot fence. My only problem is that when the men swim in the pool, don't you think since they are swimming in a backyard with neighbors that they should swim with an undershirt also?

princessleah

Fri, Oct 05 2018, 3:12 pm

Because there is a double standard in society when it comes to how men and women dress. Their clothes look different, generally women's clothing costs more than men's, what is considered "modest" is different for men and women (esp. within Judaism).

Why in Western culture are women's tops considered immodest but not men's? It developed that way, maybe relating to nursing. In some cultures women walk around topless and it's not considered inappropriate.

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Oct 05 2018, 3:37 pm

amother wrote:

Well, I think so. And my daughter knows her father isn't walking around outside without a shirt. Ever. So like I said, this isn't a tznius issue. She understands that although there are certainly some differences in the way a woman dresses to be tznius vs. the way a man dresses to be tznius the bottom line is nobody frum is going around half naked. The question is about the "outside world" and why she sees men out to jog in nothing but skimpy shorts but a woman never. Or at the beach, granted the bikini tops are sometimes ridiculously small, but there at least is always a top. So her question is why is it this way. And I can't come up with anything better than what I put in my original post which is that society sees women's breasts as s-xual objects, but not mens. I don't feel this is a message I can convey to this innocent 10 year old right now, so I am still at a loss of what to say that will satisfy her. But the truth is that since I posted this she hasn't asked me again so maybe I'm off the hook.