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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Bar Mitzvah Gift Amount....How Much?



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amother
Yellow


 

Post Sat, Oct 06 2018, 10:40 pm
Hello,
We need to give Bar Mitzvah gifts to a few people...The Bar Mitzvah celebrations all took place on shabbos. Problem is - we have NO idea how much to give! What is the going rate for Bar Mitzvah gifts - specifically in Northern New Jersey.
Thank you!
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 3:07 am
We do $100
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 4:33 am
18 or 36 for family friends... for kids friends we would buy small gifts much less expensive.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 5:31 am
I like to buy a small challah board as gift for bar mitzvah boy that runs about $30-40 for a friend I am closer too. If not that close I chip in with friends for a bigger gift where we each contribute abt $10-15 per person.
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amother
Mint


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 5:46 am
In our community we have large families. Many simchos. Most people not such high earners. Most people make simple events. Not everyone bringing gifts so low expectations. Some bar mitzvas only I get invited not my husband, so the above amounts are considered nice. Really you would need to go according to your neighborhood standards if you can afford it.

Last edited by amother on Sun, Oct 07 2018, 5:48 am; edited 1 time in total
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Batsheva1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 5:47 am
I also do $100
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 6:17 am
$100-125 in central NJ if invited to a meal, $75 if only invited to shul/kiddush. If our child is invited to a peer's simcha without us, $36 or equivalent value gift. There is no real norm, and our child received a wide range of gifts.
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amother
Green


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 6:25 am
We received at least $50 from eveyone except the boys. Even the poorest who we give regular tzedukah gave a gift. The gift's usual range was $90 - $120 for non- relatives.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 6:26 am
I think some of these answers are not given by people living in NJ.

In Northern Central NJ (Not Teaneck) $50-$100 for a couple invited to a shabbos lunch in shul.

If the whole shul is invited to a kiddush, most give nothing. If the whole shul is invited but there are special invitations given to a select few, they do give, but that is because they are clearly very close to the family.
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doctorima




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 6:43 am
As others have said, it depends what exactly you were invited to. You said it was on Shabbos, but does that include a sit-down meal(s), or just a shul kiddush? A gift for the latter could be (much) less than for the former.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 6:48 am
Original OP here...
Thanks everyone for their replies! So these bar Mitzvahs are specifically in Teaneck. I feel like people give more here? But I don't really know...Anyone here from that area who can chime in?
Thanks again!
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 6:55 am
Were you invited to a meal or a kiddush?
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 7:21 am
OP here - 2 of them we were invited to kiddushim by friends (whose son was the bar mitzvah) and one was a sit down meal for a family member being bar mitzvah
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 7:53 am
I don’t think you have to give anything for the kiddush. If you feel like you want to it can be a small $18 gift.

How many of your family members went to the lunch? Figure around $25 per person who attended much less if they were babies.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 8:16 am
We don't give more because it's a big meal. We don't pay the simcha. We actually give more if it's a poorer couple. I would be embarrassed to see someone give 100 to my child and pray they won't miss it.
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 12:27 pm
Still in NJ south of Teaneck, so $50-$72 is standard for a couple at a sit down Shabbos lunch in my city. That's why I said $100 for Teaneck, where everything is just a little more upscale.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 1:32 pm
amother wrote:
OP here - 2 of them we were invited to kiddushim by friends (whose son was the bar mitzvah) and one was a sit down meal for a family member being bar mitzvah

For the kiddush you don't have to give. Or give a small gift.
If you went to the sit down meal, $100.
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