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Puberty talk



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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, Sep 27 2018, 12:54 pm
I've heard that it's best to have the puberty talk with a daughter a year or so before you got your period. I got mine at 11 and my daughter is eight, so I'll probably talk to her in a year or so. I feel like I have an idea of how this works.

My issue is with my son - I'm clueless and dh is SO bad with these things. At what age do you need to have a talk about the physical aspects of puberty with a boy? What should be included? Is it important for dh to be the one doing it or can I?

Thanks for all advice!
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 27 2018, 1:07 pm
This is a great book

https://www.amazon.com/Talking.....02203
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 27 2018, 1:23 pm
I do girls my husband does boys. I have never been a little boy rofl.
Wonder of becoming you is great. In my country it is discussed/given in the year before bas mitsva but I know some countries plan for early periods. Still wishing for a male version for boys as I never found a clean book not encouraging problematic behaviours etc.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Sep 27 2018, 1:24 pm
You also have to do it before they start experiencing changes. True, their changes are not as dramatic as mentruation, but a boy may well be scared if he has an emission and doesn't know what it is. Puberty is happening earlier these days, for boys too. I would say by 10, certainly 11 a boy needs to be told what's in store.

In general, my philosophy is the parent with the matching parts does most of the talking. But you can't make your dh do it, if he's not going to, then yeah, you're going to have to be the one. Since it's awhile off, you could focus on getting your dh used to the idea of talking to his son about it.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 27 2018, 1:29 pm
Start talking to your dh. Ask him about his puberty experiences. Empathize.
Keep the conversation going over the next few weeks. Ask him what he would have wanted to be different.
At another time, ask him if you guys can figure out how to make the difference happen for your son.
You'll be able to figure out the right approach organically.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, Sep 27 2018, 1:32 pm
Thanks everyone! ra_mom, I can totally imagine him shutting down. Or saying I don't remember over and over. But I'll try. He would probably be willing to call a mentor or rabbi for advice on this if I tell him it's really important. So I'll try talking to him and see what happens. Amother Azure - my son turns 11 soon! I've been pushing this off because I know boys hit puberty later than girls but now it's time!
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 27 2018, 1:41 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks everyone! ra_mom, I can totally imagine him shutting down. Or saying I don't remember over and over. But I'll try. He would probably be willing to call a mentor or rabbi for advice on this if I tell him it's really important. So I'll try talking to him and see what happens. Amother Azure - my son turns 11 soon! I've been pushing this off because I know boys hit puberty later than girls but now it's time!

I can give you some starting points.
A boy needs to know about his changing body ahead of time. What will happen. What it means. What's its purpose and the positive side. What halacha says but also what's normal even knowing the halacha. And what's normal at night that they don't have control over and is not looked down upon.
It's not a one time conversation. It's an ongoing conversation that should happen slowly, naturally, over time, building up on the content. Not being pressed for time to get it all in because he's already maturing.

ETA: I wanted to add when talking about halacha, no shame, guilt, fear, only matter of fact, encouraging, positive messages.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, Sep 27 2018, 2:03 pm
Thank you!
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 9:46 pm
Omg. I just happened to come across this post and it really hit a nerve. I kind of knew this convo needs to happen with my son and I’ve mentioned it to my husband but I guess it didn’t dawn on me that it needs to happen now. My son is going to be 11 soon. I guess I just don’t think of him as such a big boy.
Here’s the problem. There’s no way my husband will have this convo with my son and if I do manage to convince him, unless I clarify exactly what should be said, I can’t imagine the conversation going too well. So, how do I go about this? I certainly have no clue... thanks!
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amother
Brown


 

Post Sun, Oct 07 2018, 9:52 pm
It's OP. I talked to my husband and he said he would ask around on what and how to talk to ds but he said it's definitely too soon. He wouldn't be convinced otherwise. Ds just turned 11...
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