What you wish you knew before #2 was born

Rappel

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 4:27 am

If your child is still home with you, find half-day care for number 1 for the first month or two. Save up for it however you have to.

After the birth , you'll be tired, healing, any you'll need time to bond with the new baby.

Your toddler, on the other hand, will be as vivacious and interested as always, and will need more stimulation than you can give him/her.

I got this tip from a friend, and it made for the best transition possible. For a month or two before the birth I sent my son to a neighbor in the mornings twice a week. After the birth, every day for a few months. It was well worth it.

Rappel

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 4:32 am

Also - get your toddler involved in childcare. Have him bring the baby's diaper, hold up a toy for her, throw out the old diaper, bring the pacifier - anything to give him responsibility in her care. That will save your toddler from jealousy.

I found that my toddler loved my baby from the get-go, but was angry at me for paying less attention to him. Create frequent opportunities for other people to care for the new one, so you can have special time with your toddler.

Plenty of activities can be done 3-way. Building blocks, or reading a story, can be done while nursing. Your baby can be sleeping or awake next to you while you play with your toddler.

Mazal tov, and beshaa tova!

amother

Orchid

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 5:03 am

I agree with rappel get baby 1 involved. I had my first 2 18 month apart.
Tip: there will be times you won't know if you should cry of laugh at the scene. Child 1 will be pulling your skirt that he wants you to play with him. Baby2 will be screaming for a feed. DH will pick up no phones. You grab a choc bar and your snood needs major adjusting.
BUT this is a perfectly healthy and functional scene. Know that these 2 are the greatest gifts from Hashem, my 2 oldest are like twin sisters. They love each other and play hours without asking for friends.

thunderstorm

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 8:14 am

I didn't hug my #1 enough or give him enough attention. For example, if he was awake and playing nicely, I just left him playing with his toys instead of playing WITH him, or using the time to cuddle etc. Even before the birth, because I was nausous , pregnant and tired and he was extremely heavy.
My #1 and #2 are 15 months apart. I only realized what my #1 missed out on, when it was too late.
He's Baruch HaShem a thriving teenager but the guilt niggles at me until today.

animeme

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 8:53 am

It takes way more time to get out of the house with two than it did for one, so leave time for it and don't blame yourself for it.

Leave a stack of board books by your favorite nursing spot. Read to dc 1 while you nurse dc 2, or have dc play on the floor in front of you and comment on it. Make peace with splitting your attention during nursing time.

Remember that dc1 is still a baby.

rae

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 8:57 am

Make sure you’re oldest feels he’s not replaced. My first two are also18 months apart. The oldest needs even more attention now. Make it about his or her baby and include your oldest in taking care.
That’s what I wish I would’ve been told.

4pom

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 9:01 am

I made sure to read to 1 while nursing - in a way I gave more attention to eldest and the attention to newborn was more physical. If that makes sense- a baby carrier helped a lot.

I would add that have c1 graduate from crib/ stroller etc. before birth so he doesnt feel like baby is using “my” stuff.
Honestly- under 2 , its much easier for the older child... jealousy isnt as severe.
But remember he’s also a baby and give him as much positive attention as possible. Quality vs quantity

Oh -also when other people fuss about baby I’d divert all the attention to the toddler. He needs it. Baby is clueless...

Edited for typos and spelling

Last edited by 4pom on Sun, Oct 14 2018, 1:34 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cerise

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 11:06 am

Try to make sure you have a good schedule with your older one, so that it will be easier to focus on the newborn (esp the nights). Try to cook & freeze beforehand (and/or if community offers meals to kimpeturin for a week or two, take them up on it). Try to set up everything beforehand so you have energy to focus mainly on the newborn and healing yourself. Ask for help if you need to, don't try to be a superwoman!!

amother

Lime

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 12:44 pm

Set up as much help as you can, now, before you have the baby.

Try not to coo over the new baby when your toddler is around. Spend as much time as possible with your toddler.

nw11

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 2:49 pm

Help isn't a luxury!!!

I also had my first two 18 months apart and I remember it being a very challenging time. I had a very active toddler and a screamer of a baby who were both home with me all day. When I almost fell into a depression, we realised help was a must. I arranged for two hours of babysitting twice a week for both children (initially I may have kept the baby home but I was soon able to time her feeds for before and after). Those four hours to myself were an absolute lifesaver. I always tried to do something nice for myself first (read a book, eat something good etc) before doing chores and I literally became a different person.

In the long run I must admit that the small gap between my first two was very helpful as they became playmates quite young and were on the same schedule very soon.

mommy9

Sun, Oct 14 2018, 4:32 pm

My oldest was 14 months. I went through my pregnancy feeling like I was running her life by having another baby so soon. I wish I would have known how resilient she would be and how happy to have a sibling. They were always close and still are as adults