Staying calm with challenging child

FranticFrummie

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 10:53 am

The first thing I figured out, when DD was tantruming, was instead of yelling, to LOWER my voice, and speak in a monotone. Use short sentences, and repeat what you need to say until her eyes stop glazing over and she's actually listening.

"Honey, I know you're mad about the cookie. I understand you want a cookie. It is not cookie time right now. After dinner you can have a cookie. I know you're mad about the cookie right now." Rinse, repeat.

As she got older and more emotional, I started doing a visualization that helps me a lot. I picture her as a raging ocean. She's swept away by her feelings, and is getting tossed and turned on the waves.

I'm like a huge rock in the ocean. I'm solid, and she can crash into me as much as she needs to, in order to feel me being there. Yes, rocks do get worn down with time, so I make sure that I see myself as a big enough rock, like island size, so that the wearing down won't significantly diminish me.

Doing these grounding exercises while she's yelling at me and telling me everything that's wrong in her life, and that it's all my fault; that's what's kept me relatively sane.

amother

Natural

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 11:48 am

chani8 wrote:

I'm not sure if 'calm and centered' is possible with a challenging child. haha!

Seriously though, focus on directing your child to do what you want them to be doing, rather than what they are doing wrong. "Ignore the bad, direct to do good."

And then there are stress relieving exercises you can do for yourself. Belly breathing and shaking it out are my 'go to' reliefs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg9XYicHqKo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?.....;t=4s

If you can't get youtube maybe another imamother can post them to this thread.

Yesterday my child with adhd and odd slammed my 2 year old, face side down, onto the bed. There was nothing that I wanted him to be doing. He was frustrated about something and just took it out on her. My response was “are you serious?!?!” And then I locked him out of the room that I was in with the rest of my kids.
I didn’t yell or scream, I was very calm.
But it’s not always just as simple as redirecting.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 11:54 am

I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but I find that I have the least patience with my own children, but can be really patient with other people's kids. Can you try to paint a picture in your head - "this is not my child", "this is someone else's child", I'm on duty from 7 AM - 9 PM and just need to manage it & then I get a break from my job. (I"YH Hashem will be the one to reward you for taking good care of His child many times over!)