Manageable home - help!

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 11:19 am

I grew up in a mess home, as did DH. We both said or home would look like that. .

Well now it does. To add to it, we recently moved and just have so much stuff it's all over. I want to declutter, start getting rid of things we really don't need, get things under control. On top of that I'm trying to have a "Do now" attitude- do dishes right away, put stuff in hamper right away, put something away in the proper place the first time ( not on the dining room table...)

I'm far from perfect, but I'm trying. DH refuses to get rid of anything. He doesn't want to feel like he has nothing or want the kids to feel deprived (bH they have plenty). He also leaves everything around. Most things are "I'll do it later." His clothing's are left all over the house, when he helps with the kids their clothing's all over the house. He eats on the couch, which we agreed was a no eating Zone, and leaves his dirty plates and cups there. Dishes get left in the sink, leftovers from what he makes all over the counter. Anywhere is a dump spot.

I feel like for every step forward I take he takes 2 back. He won't hear of decluttering, always says he will do things "later" etc. And things like garbage only get taken out by personal request unless I do it.

We both work outside the home. I get home before him and have the kids to care for -including twin infants. I am prone to depression which has been getting worse with the chaos. I'm trying to find a balance for myself and for him but I get nowhere.

How to bridge the gap between clean and manageable and choas....

amother

Silver

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:51 pm

That's a really REALLY hard situation! I struggle a lot with managing the house and keeping the clutter down and my husband is pretty good about letting me throw stuff out, but when he wants to save something that we don't have room for and things start to pile up I get so irritated. I can just barely keep up with everything even without any extra clutter and he knows that. It's like you're running up a steep hill and someone just slicked the road with oil. What I do is pile all of the things that don't have a place, or that have to do with him (bills, socks, tzitis, sefarim, random recipts,broken fans Wink

etc) right by his bed. If the pile gets really unslightly I cover the whole thing with a blanket. Then he can deal with it on his own time and I can maintain the house. He does get to it eventually if I remind him. I try not to be too naggy about it, but just to share with him how hard it is for me to keep the house clean and how much harder all this extra stuff makes the clean up. Good luck to you- it sounds like you have so much on your plate and are truly being heroic about keeping it all together!!

newbie

Sun, Oct 21 2018, 4:01 pm

I have been there too! What I’ve learned is to ignore your husbands issues with clutter. How did I learn that? When I heard a friend complaining about her husband not giving anything away etc- and I looked at her house and she wasn’t much better! Then I realised I’m probably the same...
When I got married we had NO idea how to run a home. Over the years I tried probably every method there is!
My first one was FlyLady and I still love that one and use many of her principles as well. I’ve recently tried the konmari method which also helped but I had to stop at the cables as most of them belong to my husband.
To change your mindset, “The minimalists” are quite good as well. Remember:
1. Your belongings are worth less than you think. That’s a biggie, I’ve seen that on friends as well as myself. You think because you paid $50 for it it’s worth a lot but usually you could sell for a tenth of the original price. So don’t keep it because it was once worth more.
2. Almost everything today is easy to replace- don’t keep it just in case, it’s just more clutter in the home. Books are a good example, but also clothes- who doesn’t have too many? To “the minimalist mom” for an amazing video on how to get rid of too many clothes!
3. Have a daily routine. I have an app called Habitica which is build like a game so you collect points, animals etc. Yes it’s silly but it helps me and I like it! You can also use the FlyLadyPlus app or a sticker chart or...whatever keeps you motivated. Without a routine it’s so much harder to run a household.

Now I’m far from perfect but I’m sooo much better than years ago!!
Other recommendations on YouTube: Jordan Page (she changed my life!), the minimalist mom. Enjoy and keep us posted how it goes!