Cost of bar mitzvah for 100 people

amother

Violet

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 12:44 pm

You guys are throwing numbers like crazy! I recently made a bar mitzva Bh. I didn’t have half the things that is posted here, and it was beautiful bh.

Even with the minimum it added up quickly.

Lots of things mentioned here is not a must at all, though it really depends from which community you are.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 12:46 pm

We're planning a bar mitzvah soon, greater NY area. Skipping the party. Instead, nice kiddush after davening and sit down lunch for dh and my families and ds's class, probably around 20 boys. Well we didn't decide if we're inviting just his class or the whole grade. Either way, the boys' meal is cheaper than the adults.

Invitations: aprx. $100
bentchers: aprx. $50
hall: $350
photog (erev shabbos pics): $350
tefillin: tbd
clothing for family
kiddush for about 100 people, plus lunch: aprx. $3,000

Total: Under $4,000, excluding tefillin, clothing and leining

thunderstorm

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 12:55 pm

My boys choose to go to Israel with my DH rather than have a Bar Mitzvah seudah in a hall etc.
SO DH pays for the plane tickets with CC mileage that he specifically saves up over a period of a couple of years for this purpose (we pay our tuition via credit card so the mileage adds up quickly )
I then make a Kiddush with homemade baked goods and food and a Seuda in my home on a weeknight all cooked by me, for immediate family only , no friends or neighbors or distant relatives.
No band, (though my kids play and so does DH , so the instruments come out at the end for a little family kumzits)
No photography- mommys camera works just fine
I wear my Shabbos outfit and sheitel and ta-da... the whole shebang is $500
The round trip to Israel for DH and Bar Mitzvah boy for 10 days ends up being less than $4000
The Tefillin $1200
Shabbos hat and weekday hat $400
Shabbos suit and weekday suit $300
Shabbos shoes and weekday shoes $150
New white shirts $150
New black pants $150
New tzitizis and yarmulkas $30

Doing the bare basics here ...still ends up being a few thousand . Even if the catered affair would cost the same as Israel, there is something special about the bonding trip between my boys with DH and it's their first trip to Israel, something they cherish forever.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:02 pm

On one bar mitzva I spent about $10000, the other one a lot less. (maybe half) Not counting tefillin and hat and suit. My husband taught my sons himself. I did a lot of the baking myself. First one we did a catered buffet lunch, second one we did an afternoon tea reception so no real food and I made most of it myself. We made a lunch seuda for my sons class on the day of his birthday. Schnitzle and other food that I made all myself.

I bought myself a new dress, not for my girls unless they needed one. One bm was close to yom tov so we bought in mind for both. We didn't do professional hair dos or make up. No music. Bought a few bunches of flowers and put one or two each in narrow ikea vases. A few hundred on decor. A few hundred for photographer. (for one I found a photographer to come and do a family photo shoot for an hour before the event)

My sons did get quite a lot of money in gifts.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:03 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

You still end up paying a few thousand dollars.... that’s my point of this thread- whatever you do it’s a few thousand dollars
Without sitting down and calculating things I thought I would be paying around $1500 for a smallish affair. How wrong I was 🤢

The person who paid $300 for tefillin... do you know who wrote the tefillin, if they are kosher? I’m asking because tefillin is an important mitzvah for a male. The tefillin we bought our son was $1500.

thunderstorm

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:07 pm

amother wrote:

Yes. It's almost impossible to do it for less than a few thousand. The hall/caterer with a minimum headcount is a few thousand . I researched this a few years ago , calling hall after hall. Once we realized how expensive even the most simple affair would be, that's when we decided that Israel might be an option.

Last edited by thunderstorm on Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:18 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Salmon

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:12 pm

amother wrote:

That's pretty insulting to ask a frum woman.

I could be off by a hundred or so on the price, but we purchase them through our school, which works with a sofer in Israel.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:12 pm

Just made a Bar Mitzvah in Crown Heights.
The yeshiva has a package for less than 6500. It includes: hall, caterer (110 adults and 20 kids), photo, video and musician. However, they have preset vendors and what they include.
The package did not work for us so we had to work it out ourselves and it was about 6500.
We paid separate for the clothing needed for the Bar Mitzva itself.

amother

Aqua

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:25 pm

I really hope I can make my sons bar mitzvah for less although at the same time, I'm planning on doing without some things mentioned.

I'm hoping to make a small simple catered meal on his bday and rent a shul basement...the only thing I didn't call about is how much the caterer charges and if there's a minimum but I will have to use a caterer bec I cant manage to do it myself.

Music we can use our iPod and maybe buy a speaker. Not planning on photography or flowers or...
Besides the above, we have to but tefilin which I just checked is 900 plusa suit (I'm hoping to buy during a Tom tov sale as his bm is near Tom tov time) and we have to buy the hat. The rest of us can just wear reg. Shabbos clothes.

I'm really hoping it doesn't cost as much as others posted as we need that "extra money" for car repairs, dental cavities and braces which my bar mitzvah boy desperately needs. I would not want to spend more money on one night alone if it'll cause us stress from not having money for pop up expenses like medical house repairs car repairs....

However to the person who got tefillin for 300 how many yrs ago was that? The only thing I can't save on is tefillin. Except, I did hear Israel is cheaper is it that much cheaper or is it a few yrs ago? I wish I had a way to get it from Israel for cheaper too but...

amother

Blue

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:29 pm

amother wrote:

That's pretty insulting to ask a frum woman.

I could be off by a hundred or so on the price, but we purchase them through our school, which works with a sofer in Israel.

It's not insulting - it's to make you aware. I would have the tefilin checked if I were you, because the price sounds way too low.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 1:45 pm

For those saying $25,000 is outrageous.... I agree, but that is the base for what is normal here. Some people do self-catered things in their home with standing room only and obviously spend a small fraction of that. But it isn't the norm.
Also I'm in FL. Kosher life here is very much higher than NY/ NJ neighborhoods.

Miri7

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 2:21 pm

Maya wrote:

Agree. We had ours brought from Israel for $975, and were told it’s an excellent price.

I looked at a few websites (maybe hasofer and some others? not sure).

From what I saw on those websites, Gassot tefillin begin at around $800. Then go on up through the $2000+ range.

There are also tefillin that aren't gassot (I think are sold as bar mitzvah tefillin) for the $350-ish range. I think these are the ones where the bayit is wood, not leather. This is equally kosher, just not preferred among many. The leather will last a lot longer, presumably. But these are the ones I'd get for sure if my DS was flaky and prone to losing things.

Note that a sofer may NOT sew tefillin up if the klaf isn't kosher - they have to leave them open. (This according to a relative who is a sofer.)

I don't think it's nice to suggest to a poster that the tefillin she bought aren't kosher - especially when reputable sellers post tefillin at that price point online. Understandably, some parents will wait to invest in more expensive tefillin when the child has reached a more responsible age.

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 2:46 pm

Miri, according to the Torah a boy at the age of 13 is responsible for all the mitzvohs and certainly shouldn’t be wearing tefillin that are not up to par. There is no such thing as starter tefillin. Perhaps her sons tefillin really are 100% fine and as someone suggested maybe the school subsidized the cost. You wrote yourself that you couldn’t find kosher tefillin for under $800. I definitely think she should get her sons tefillin checked by a reputable sofer.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 2:50 pm

A basic pair of tefillin costs $300. (just asked my husband) But we certainly spent more ($1500 I think) especially since we are chabad and use 2 pairs. I think my fil bought them as a gift for one son.

I wouldn't economize on the tefillin...spend less on a party planner and flowers but not on the tefillin.

Miri7

Mon, Oct 15 2018, 6:25 pm

amother wrote:

Going amother to misquote me? Seriously?

Of course I don't want anyone wearing tefillin that aren't kosher.

What I said is that, based on my poking around online options, reputable sofer companies offer tefillin starting around the $300 range.

I did not write that I couldn't find tefillin for less than $800 - I wrote that "Gassot tefillin begin at around $800. Then go on up through the $2000+ range." Those were my exact words.

Now, some people are going to be OK with those $300 tefillin.
Other people are OK with the lower-range gassot tefillin that I purchased.
Others are going to feel that it's necessary for them to have a specific sofer they know write the klaf, or have other particulars that make the price higher. (Still others need two pair - Rashi and Rabbeinu Tam....).

To each their own.

If the $300 tefillin were purchased from a reputable sofer, then I would not feel the need to take them to another reputable sofer for examination.

ETA: I just went back to one of those websites and found that the lower-priced ones are now $400 - I'd thought it was $300. Apparently the difference is the thickness of the leather of the batim. They're thinner and don't last as long.