Opinion please, another bar mitzvah question

salt

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 4:05 am

I can't advise on whether to invite her or not. But I would say, that if you do invite her, select a friend or family member in advance, who will take a little care of her. Choose someone who is a little open minded, a friendly extrovert type, that wouldn't mind chatting to her, sitting next to her, or introducing her to others.
This is what a friend of mine did, when she invited some secular male work friends of hers to her DDs wedding. The wedding was separate seating, so she asked one of her brothers-in-law to look out for them and make them feel welcome.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 5:14 am

salt wrote:

This is a great idea!

amother

Smokey

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 2:57 pm

OP my question to you is- are you having mixed or separate seating? You've already told us your friend won't be hurt if she's not invited, so I wouldn't invite her to an affair where she'll be sitting with men and women. If she'll be sitting with women only I don't see what the problem is. I know my friends would be as polite and friendly as they'd be to any other stranger who was seated with them. If you think your friends are ill-mannered and might ignore her, ask one or two of them in advance to look out for her and make sure she has a good time.

SixOfWands

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 3:52 pm

My non-frum friends generally understand that there might be a dress code that they're not familiar with, and ask in advance. They might not toe the line of your customs, but they also wouldn't show up in a miniskirt and low cut shirt. I've also seen people who have a lot of non-frum friends and relatives send out a little "guide" with the invitation, explaining what it is, customs and attire.

Frankly, I'd be more concerned with cell phone use. That just never occurs to people as problematic.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Oct 16 2018, 4:05 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

This is a great point!

DrMom

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 2:14 am

SixOfWands wrote:

Frankly, I'd be more concerned with cell phone use. That just never occurs to people as problematic.

Do you mean in shul?
Or are you saying it is a problem to use a cellphone at a (non-Shabbat) reception?

I was assuming the OP was inviting her friend for a reception (non-Shabbat evening dinner/dvar Torah/simcha dancing type of thing), and not the bar mitzvah itself.

rydys

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 7:38 am

salt wrote:

Absolutely agree with the above.

As for the dress, I've dealt with this many times. I usually say something along the lines of "I'd really like for you to join us for our bar mitzvah. If you can make it, I'll sit you next to a friend of mine who can help translate the speeches for you. You are welcome to wear whatever you like, but the women will all be wearing dress clothes along the lines of how I do--skirt below the knees, sleeves below the elbows and neckline above the collar bone."