Do you hide food from family member if they eat everyones fo

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 8:32 am

imasinger wrote:

I'm not sure I understand.

You mean, if you say, "Please save a banana for little Ploni," a DH or older siblings would still eat two?

What do they say when you point it out? Are they forgetting the request? In that case, maybe a note on the banana bunch "there is only enough here for one person person, if you take more, someone else will be deprived."

Are they forgetting that they already took? You can try pointing it out -- "I saw you got your banana, the 3 there are for the kids who are asleep right now."

If the food taker is a spouse, any time it happens, you can ask them to stop at the store and replace.

However, if it's a spouse, maybe it's time to have a talk about budget. I think that if a family is at the point of rationing oranges, maybe it's time to see about raising income.

If it's more like an expensive treat like avocados, maybe have a conversation from the store about whether to get that or something less expensive that week. If the taker is part of the decision process, it's more likely to be remembered.

Yes. Older sibling. Struggles a lot with self-control and food (fruit and sweets) is one of the main issues. They are not forgetting the request and most of the time not forgetting that they took. Apparently just cannot control themselves. This is part of a wider picture that we are working on and getting treatment, but meanwhile other siblings are losing out and upset. Not easy.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 8:34 am

animeme wrote:

In my house, the chief taker is a teen with impulse control and attention issues. He genuinely forgets each time; even a note goes unnoticed. And when a kid forgets they took, I am not always in the kitchen to notice when they take again.

So yes, I have been known to hide things.

How do you manage to hide things? Our kid has a genius for sniffing them out, even if he doesn't know I have bought them.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 8:39 am

DD and I don't hide food from each other, but we each have our own private stash, and that is sacred. LOL

We both tend to get intense sweet or salty cravings, and if you had a stash and then found out that what you wanted was gone, there would be WAR!!!

StbxDH used to stash all kinds of food under his bed, but he was hiding it and hoarding. He had cakes and cookies and candy and all sorts of things. I only found out about it when one of my dogs got into it and spent two days throwing up all over the house.

I refused to clean his room (separate bedrooms) for Pesach because of this. It was his responsibility to make sure everything was out. He has huge food insecurity. He buys 20 boxes of shmurah matzah for a household of 3 people. What didn't get eaten over Pesach got stored in his room, too. What I found odd, is that he's never been poor a day in his life, and never missed a meal. He's quite overweight actually.

Metukah

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 8:50 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

DD and I don't hide food from each other, but we each have our own private stash, and that is sacred. LOL

Growing up were there food issues at home (not necessarily a poverty issue)?

Seems like a deep seated psychological issue.

ShishKabob

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 11:21 am

Most of us don't like to hide food. We feel weird doing it. However, sometimes there is no other option.
Children need to be taught to leave over and have the other family members in mind. When one of my kids would eat another kids treat or an individual snack meant for the other, I would ask them how they would feel if the other kid ate theirs. It doesn't feel good.
There are foods that are unlimited like cereal and milk or cheap fruits and cheap vegetables. Other foods like yougurts, snacks, expensive fruits and individual portioned treats gets rationed.
I tell the kids, you can have 2 of these and the rest are for the others.
For children that need to eat more I point out the stuff that they can have without limits.

It doesn't even make sense to have everyone eat unlimited amounts. What happened with learning self control? eating healthy amounts? learning to live with others?

I sound so rigid in this thread. uh oh

imasinger

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:17 pm

There are two posters with this issue. For OP, it's hard to say who it is, maybe her DH, there might be one answer.

For amother dodgerblue, with a 12 year old DS with issues, there might be another.

Dodgerblue, what are the current consequences when your DS takes food that has been designated for siblings?

dankbar

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:38 pm

It's sad people have to ration or hide food bc of money. People that are finding the hidden or eating double are hungry. Seems like not enough food is bought for their empty bellies. Hope they dont grow up hoarding food under their beds as adults like other poster wrote. I understand with cake & nosh you wouldn't want them to overload or expensive things u buy only as shabbos treats one per person....
But stuff like avocado are healthy....if it's too expensive buy cheaper healthy stuff or make sure there are other options in house as well.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:44 pm

I have prob with my teenager now home after years of dorming. Hes always hungry. Im used to feeding only young kids that dont need too much. I buy more to stock up when hes home. Prob is a day I make a full meal for supper he eats out by simchas of friends or going out w friends. A day that I have more limited he wants to join....Dont know in advance whether he'll join us for dinner or not. If I save a portion for him....he doesn't eat it....when he comes home later.....someone else could've eaten it or ends up going to garbage.

amother

Black

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 1:06 pm

dankbar wrote:

I think u are taking this too far"" . There are some kids or adults who dont stop to think of others and just take additional bec they dont have self control not bec they are hungry. I am one of the posters who have to hide food, but I can assure u that I have plenty of cheaper foods available in abundance for anyone who is hungry.

Like someonelse posted here, how will kids,learn self control if they can just eat and eat without thinking of leaving for others in the family??

groovy1224

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 2:07 pm

Is this the latest craze on imamother? Seems like I missed something- what is with people doing this?

1)Post vague question with all the important/relevant details left out.
2)Respond to every 4th or 5th poster with a short sentence supplying perhaps 1/2 detail each time.
3)Randomly reply to more posters saying their advice doesn't apply to their situation, but not really explaining why.
4)Ignoring posters who ask directed questions so as to give better advice.

I don't get it. If you want input, ask. If you don't, don't. OP could be talking about her pet gorilla for all we know, in which case I would say yes, hide those bananas! But a hungry teenage boy? Different situation! Why waste your time and everyone else's? Genuinely curious..

amother

Jade

Fri, Oct 19 2018, 3:44 am

Chocolate - I have the exact same problem with my ds. - so frustrating!

Also, my dh has an issue with overeating (which he sort of acknowledges). he could eat a whole bag of twizzlers, doritos, container of ice cream or whatever. He'll eat the kids shabbos nosh. or 10 cookies at a time. So if I don't hide the nosh, comes shabbos and one or more kids won't get their shabbos treat cuz tatty ate it or what I planned to serve for desert I suddenly realize is gone. my kids all realize this which is kind of uncomfortable. I often hide nosh in places where ppl know where it is (like my closet), but by the fact its there they know its off limits.
out of sight out of mind is my motto. don't look at the chocolate cake and you won't want to eat it.
as one poster above mentioned, self control and thinking of others is good to learn.

imasoftov

Fri, Oct 19 2018, 9:49 am

groovy1224 wrote:

Been that way as long as I've been here ...

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Oct 21 2018, 1:25 pm

OP you say you buy 10 avocados for 4 people for the week. That makes 2.5 avocados per person for the week. When said person consumed 2 avocados in one sitting....why can't you tell him that he can only have another 1/2 avocado this week. If he has eaten all & not leaving over for others....make him go to the store to get more

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Oct 21 2018, 1:41 pm

2 scenarios in my house this week. My teenage son who was away all week, arrived home, at end of week, before my grocery order was made, for half an hour, without prior notice, walking into the house starved. All my kids were home that day. I had only 3 eggs left. I wanted to make 3 poached eggs for 3 little kids for lunch. He used all three for himself. What did I do? I served my other kids cereal for lunch instead

Second scenario. I bought takeout for supper.
Got 16 oz sesame chicken nuggets.
16 oz batter fried chicken nuggets.
16 oz broccolli salad. 8 oz cabbage & noodles. It was supposed to feed 2 adults. 3 small children. After I gave my kids to eat. My hub asked if the rest is also for me? I responded that he can eat as much as he wants. He ate up all. What did I do? I took out some frozen mini cabbage eggrolls for myself for dinner.

amother

Aqua

Sun, Oct 21 2018, 1:51 pm

amother wrote:

It doesn't always work when I say that.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 12:20 am

imasinger wrote:

.

For amother dodgerblue, with a 12 year old DS with issues, there might be another.

Dodgerblue, what are the current consequences when your DS takes food that has been designated for siblings?

Thanks imasinger, but the truth is I'm not looking for parenting advice on this issue, since like I said it is part of a wider picture that we are working on. I was just chiming in to say that we have this struggle too, and also wondering if anyone has practical (as opposed to chinuch) solutions.