How do ppl have an extra"" 20k or more to make weddings?

amother

Amber

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 11:16 am

I made funds for my kids that as of now bh we can afford to put away monthly in. If needed I will take this money and use it for weddings iyh. I hope to be able to gift them that money but if I need it, it's there for me to use. I also have my own life insurance policies I can take out of if needed. In addition, I own my home and hopefully will be able to pull out money if needed.

amother

Mint

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 11:41 am

I have made 4 chasunahs so far, B"H, and am about to make my 5th. I can tell you from experience, that most people who haven't saved up (because there is just not enough $$ after monthly bills get paid) usually will go into debt. I have been in debt since my first child's chasuna. When we get close to paying it off (either a loan or credit cards) the next one comes along. A person can borrow from gmachim or family, but if that isn't an option, you borrow from a bank (home loan, etc) and daven to Hashem to help pay for it all. My children all married in "discounted" halls so the costs were not high, but all the extras do add up. Clothing, car, furniture, shaytl (depending on if son or daughter), gifts, etc, so we end up usually paying ~$10,000 - $15,000 regardless of son or daughter for each chasuna. I try to keep costs as low as possible, but haven't succeeded in going less than this so far, even with help from community gmachs (ie-they give $$ towards clothing, house set up, etc)

Don't forget that your children are Hashem's children and he will help you in your time of need. $$ comes from Hashem!! Just daven to him Very Happy

amother

Papaya

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:01 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for sharing and giving a realistic idea of how much money I need.

csa123

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:15 pm

I think the potential of compounding interest and saving a little early on is missed often when it comes to these kinds of expenses. The week that my baby was born I started an automatic deposit of $20 a week into an Acorns fund. BH I'm in a position where I don't notice it but according to the projection on the app, by the time my daughter is old enough to get married I should have $50k in the account with just the $20 a week.
I'm planning to do this for every child. I'm also hoping to be in the position soon to up my deposit, but I think if you have the ability to do this now, it can make a huge difference later on.

SixOfWands

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:23 pm

cstone3 wrote:

$20 a week with one kid who isn't in school yet doesn't sound like much. But if you have 5 kids, that's $100 a week, $400 a month, on top of tuition. And on top of your retirement savings. That's not chump change.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:27 pm

My kids are still too young for me to join from the perspective of the parents... but I can speak to my own experience.

My parents had no money. I mean zero. I knew since I was a kid that I had to save for my future, and my parents conditioned me to save for my own wedding from when I was little. Every dollar I earned or was given from when I was born went into a gemach/savings account (minus 10% for maaser). It's just part of how I was raised, so I never thought it was strange.

I also worked for a few years after high school, saved just over 10 grand BH, and we made the wedding and set up the apartment for that 10 grand. My husband is an orphan, so there was no money from his side of the family. But we were ok because I had the savings to make our wedding. Cheapest possible hall, cheap gown from $99 rack at Davids Bridal, all used furniture (mostly craigslist finds in the free section), free band from someone who wanted experience, free photographer from someone who wanted experience, no video at the wedding, etc.

After the chasunah my parents surprised me... someone collected the full amount for the wedding costs, so I was able to save my savings for me to go to college. But even if that hadn't happened, every choice about the wedding was mine and I understood the financial ramifications of the choices.

I think of it like I think about college... If kids think their parents are going to bankroll their college education, they're not motivated to choose colleges/degrees that are in their best long term interest, let alone their parents best financial interest. Give them ownership and responsibility, and the choices will be better.

csa123

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:34 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

No one said it was. But no one starts out with 4 kids in school. The point is that you don't start saving when you have 4 tuitions. If you start saving earlier you have more room to ease up when you have tuitions etc and still have some cushion when the marriage comes.

SixOfWands

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:45 pm

cstone3 wrote:

Sure. No question about it.

But if you put in $20 a week until the child is 5, and then when tuition hits, you can't do it anymore, you wind up with less than $20,000 at age 25. That's still real money, no question.

Still and all, its not that easy for a lot of people. Especially when you add in the savings they should be doing for retirement. For bnai mitzvahs. And for college.

amother

Green

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 12:48 pm

A certain amount of money goes directly in to a savings account every month.

In Boro Park, Viznitz is the cheapest hall. Tiferes Rivka, has a takana night on Thursday. Torah V'yirah, is also supposedly on the cheaper side but I never looked in to it.

For a kallah gown there are gemachs - Ehrenfelds, Satmer.

sequoia

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 3:13 pm

My best friend just got married. She and her husband paid for it themselves. They both work full time - nothing fancy, nothing glamorous. He’s an accountant, she’s a speech therapist. They wouldn’t dream of asking their parents to pay for their wedding, even though hers are doing ok and his are downright wealthy. They’re adults. Different world...

amother

Amber

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 4:25 pm

amother wrote:

Thats how "its done". The girls side pays for each persons plate. The boys side pays for the one man band, flowers, and photography part of the package.

Not always. My wedding and most of my siblings were a 50/50 split. The one wedding where it wasn't was my brothers and my mother said it cost her way way more to marry him off as the presents costs a ton.

amother

Red

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 6:10 pm

amother wrote:

Good point its not aways FLOP but I do think its pretty standard and not weird that thats the way the hall splits it. I do know someone though who got married in beis faiga but the boys side still said they'd do 50/50. I guess it just depends.

erm

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 6:14 pm

It is terrible that people have to go into debt to marry off their kids. It is a party for one night. Think of all those extra quality time hours you can have with your kids instead of working to make that kind of money we spend for that one night. Most people are not even interested in going to all the weddings they are invited to. I think weddings should be made small with a lot less guests. The only ones who look forward to the wedding are the chosen and Kallah's friends and very close family anyways. Who needs all the people who stand around waiting to see if they could leave yet and are there because they feel like they have no choice and are just waiting for the main dish to come.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 7:28 pm

erm wrote:

I completely agree and my son told me he is okay to do a smaller cheaper wedding. The problem is that many times the other side wont agree. I would rather spend less on one night and let the couple use the money to save for a house or...

amother

Papaya

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 7:32 pm

cstone3 wrote:

This is a great idea but realistically if a family is struggling with tuition and basic expenses, it is not possible especially with large families. Also, it is hard enough for ppl to save for downpayments or bigger cars when families grow that it is impossible to save for everything when the income is not that high in the first place...

Also, if a family has money saved up even for weddings, would the tuition officials allow that family to keep the savings and still get a tuition deduction or say that they have this money so they can pay more tution?? Yes, it depends on the school but if I am frugal to put money away for future expenses, the school wants to see it and may not allow it"".

amother

Papaya

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 7:34 pm

erm wrote:

Actually, I have another question to you. If I invite less ppl, I dont think it is cheaper bec in a cheaper hall, they have a minimum amount of ppl you pay for anyway. So, tell me how I would be able to make a cheaper wedding if the caterer has a minimum??

I am interested in ideas.

Mommyg8

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 7:36 pm

erm wrote:

love this post!!!