How do ppl have an extra"" 20k or more to make weddings?

amother

Lilac

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 10:37 pm

cstone3 wrote:

I think the potential of compounding interest and saving a little early on is missed often when it comes to these kinds of expenses. The week that my baby was born I started an automatic deposit of $20 a week into an Acorns fund. BH I'm in a position where I don't notice it but according to the projection on the app, by the time my daughter is old enough to get married I should have $50k in the account with just the $20 a week.
I'm planning to do this for every child. I'm also hoping to be in the position soon to up my deposit, but I think if you have the ability to do this now, it can make a huge difference later on.

Is this a regular savings account or some other investment type of account?

amother

White

Thu, Oct 18 2018, 11:57 pm

We set up direct deposit mutual funds for each kids to save monthly.
Direct deposit makes sure it happens.
Monthly rather the. Yearly makes it a bit easier. And we sometimes buy when market is high and sometimes low so it evens out.
My older kids have a nice amount already so I cut their amount and apply to new babies.
We aren’t rich and wouldn’t have money for weddings otherwise.
I’d rather put money toward this then vacations or expensive purchases.

amother

Lemon

Fri, Oct 19 2018, 12:16 am

My parents married off their youngest child last year. It was in the most expensive hall, very very lavish event with huge band, a choir, loads of flowers etc... The bride had a custom made gown for 15,000.

I had a baby that year and they didn't even give me a pair of pajamas. Sad

Or send me a meal. Nothing.

It's sad.

amother

Peach

Sat, Oct 20 2018, 8:01 pm

When ppl say it costs 40k and up to marry off a child, they aren't including only wedding night costs but also everything else included such as furniture, other stuff to set up the apartment, presents for the chosson/kallah, outfitting the chosson/kallah with new clothes for sheva brachos and beyond...

trixx

Sat, Oct 20 2018, 9:09 pm

One of the Jewish magazines had a fiction piece on this recently.

There were 3 friends, one poor, one rich and one middle class. They all got engaged the same time. As expected, the rich girl got everything.

The poor girl was pleasantly surprised to receive full aid from a hachnasas kallah that provided an entire apartment set up and even money towards a shaitel.

Only the middle class girl used her own savings to pay for everything - like another poster mentioned, she had always known her parents wouldn't help - she scoured Craigslist, got the lower quality essentials, etc and got a real blow when she heard that her only slightly poorer friend was getting a free ride - including extravagances and top quality brands that she would never consider being able to afford.

One day the middle class girl's father got a phone call from that organization. "Mazel tov, we know your daughter is engaged" - she waits hopefully for the offer of assistance - "can you sponsor another kallah?"

amother

Pewter

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 10:34 am

I know a couple who started saving right after their wedding for their kids. We put away as much money as possible every month for education/weddings. Small amounts add up over the years. I started saving 4 years ago and we have 30 k. So I hope in 10 years we will have triple that. And we aren't wealthy , were actually not well off at all. I just save everywhere I can. Grocery shopping, electricity, water, furniture. All the money I save is put away for the kids.

icebreaker

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 10:39 am

I don’t plan on spending that much. The only thing I got from my parents paid for was my dress. Everything else, ex-dh and I paid for ourselves. So here’s to hoping my kids don’t get married until they have good careers and can pay for most of it themselves.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 10:44 am

amother wrote:

This is a great idea, but unless a couple has a certain income, its impossible to save for everything. What I mean is u said u saved 30k but did u also save for a downpayment?? I saved a lot and would like to save more for downpayment but I'm finding it very difficult to pay my bills(we are frugal) and also save for a downpayment and for the weddings and for tuitions for retirement...u do have to have a lot of income so that if u buy cheaper foods, less cleaning help...u can save and also still pay all ur tuition...not everyone is able to do that

amother

Salmon

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 10:45 am

mom39 wrote:

If you can get tiferes rifka or mordechai (same caterer) on takana nights, those are the cheapest but they are booked well in advance.

Yes I had a beautiful wedding at tiferes rivka takanah night, on a Thursday (most people do not want Thursdays). Was a takannah package and was excellent!!

amother

Amber

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 11:08 am

amother wrote:

Personally I first bought a house that I can live in for many years Iyh. Once we recovered from that we started a fund for the kids. Hopefully with the funds I put together by the time each of my kids are 18 we should have 30k towards that child to either gift them or be used.

amother

Ruby

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 11:34 am

HI I am a Rebbetzin in community "X".
You don't daven in my shul but still feel obligated to invite the Rabbi and myself to your chasunah. We know you are going into debt for this wedding. We are happy to attend the aufruff or kiddush. Please feel free not invite us to your simcha, or only to the chuppah.
We have many social obligations, and I for one don't really want to spend the whole night "waiting for the main". Just cross us off your list...unless you feel REALLY close to us!
Thanks!

amother

White

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 11:41 am

amother wrote:

That sounds great but not s typical. We bought a small starter home and it was still 60 k down (we got married later and both of us were working decent jobs with no debt - it’s not the typical) . That is hard for most people. Most forever homes were I live you need minimum 100k. Most people don’t just have that type of cash when marrying or early in life. (We are huge savers but I feel our start in life helped a lot otherwise it would’ve been impossible)

amother

Beige

Tue, Oct 23 2018, 11:48 am

amother wrote:

Can you recommend such a fund? Looking for an easy online DIY type of investment vehicle.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 1:22 am

I set up mutual funds after we got married for weddings.....put in $5000. Went up & down over years but after $20 years it's basically same amount as we put in.

blessedjmom

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 2:47 am

cstone3 wrote:

How can I start this kind of thing? How does it work?

blessedjmom

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 2:52 am

amother wrote:

Can you please explain how this works? Oh s somehting we should be doing! Smile