"Indecisive" two year old driving me crazy

amother

Copper

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 12:46 am

my oldest is two-and-a-half. very recently, maybe two weeks ago, he started getting into "indecisive moods" - for example, I'll tell him it's time to drink milk before his nap, which he has ALWAYS happily done, and he'll scream, "No milk!" I'll put the milk away and he'll say "yes milk!" I give him the milk and he says "No milk!" I tell him he doesn't have to drink it and he says, "yes milk!" ANd this can go on for 5-10 minutes and I have no idea what to do.

He does it with everything - socks, shoes, food, bath, school, sweater, backpack... It's driving me crazy. Before this, he would sometimes complain but none of this yes-no back and forth. Nothing has recently changed, so I don't know what it is.

Has anyone had anything like this? Any advice?

TIA

dankbar

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 12:57 am

It's not indecisiveness. It's testing you & his independence so whatever you want he'll say the opposite. Welcome to terrible twos!

Amarante

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 1:23 am

Is this your first child - because as dankbar wrote, it's completely normal behavior for a two year old and you would be worried if he weren't doing this.

I would suggest you read a few basic books on child development to help you recognize what is normal - actual positive - behavior and what isn't. Also it would help provide you with parenting tactics for the next 20 frustrating years :-).

flowerpower

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 9:06 am

Give him a choice of two and whatever he chooses you stick with. No changing his mind once he chooses. Otherwise he will have you wrapped around his cute little pinky.

amother

Copper

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 10:24 am

Amarante wrote:

Yes, he's my first. I've read some books ...obviously hasn't helped...c an you recommend one?

I always tried to give him choices but now I'm wondering if the choices are overwhelming and that's why he's acting like this? Or is this just normal 2 yo behavior?

Chayalle

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 10:27 am

flowerpower wrote:

Give him a choice of two and whatever he chooses you stick with. No changing his mind once he chooses. Otherwise he will have you wrapped around his cute little pinky.

This. And more than that - a two year old is still a baby! He's too young to be expected to make too many choices, really. It's not fair to expect a two year old - unless they display a huge proclivity to do so - to choose between too many choices, it's overwhelming and a recipe for disaster. Best to stick to your guns and say, it's either this or this, and don't get to overwhelmed or upset if he decides to exercise his lungs (or his arms and legs, too) as a response. That's also normal.

Chayalle

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 10:28 am

amother wrote:

Both. The choices are overwhelming. AND it's normal 2 yo behavior!

FranticFrummie

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 10:45 am

OP, some of these incidents are going to be really funny later, so make sure you write some of them down in his baby book.

I really wish I had done more of that with DD.

I also agree with the posters above. 2 choices, and stick to your guns. Stay calm, take deep breaths, and don't let him pull you into his drama. He actually NEEDS you to stand firm and not give in, because you are his source of security.

DD used to go through major boundary testing phases, and when she saw that I was gentle but firm, she'd fight me at first. Once she realized that I was the grownup in charge, she would become the sweetest, happiest child you could imagine... until she found something else she wanted to push back and explore!

It goes in cycles. I don't think it ever really stops, until they get married. LOL

melbee

Mon, Oct 22 2018, 3:58 pm

Just wanted to offer some solidarity, OP. My almost-2 year old twins are doing this too and it's driving DH and I up a wall trying to figure them out. We started offering two choices and if they say "Yes" and then change it to "No", we walk away. Usually they follow along after a brief temper tantrum. They're just testing their newfound words and decision-making power.