How would you respond to your daughter in this situation?

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 2:08 am

So you're all invited to a nephew's bar mitzvah 2 hours away, but there's no room in the car for everyone to go. Your 17-year-old daughter is quick to say that she really has no interest in going and she's happy to stay home and watch the 2-year-old and the 4-year-old so the other kids can go. You thank her profusely and take her up on it.

The day of the bar mitzvah, as you're heading out the door, you give last minute instructions to your daughter, who says it's all okay. But then, when you remind her to change the 2-year-old's diaper before putting him to bed, she says, "Sure, but if he's dirty, I'm not changing him."

How do you react?

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 2:18 am

Borrow my 3-year old for the evening. I once caught her changing her younger sibling's dirty diaper shock

Seriously, though, I wouldn't react. If anything, say something like, "Yeah, changing dirty diapers can be gross, but it's easier than having him wake up miserable in the middle of the night with a rash!"

She'll mature more with time, and for now hopefully will man up and deal with it IF there is a dirty diaper. If not, just pretend that it happened after the 2-year old already fell asleep and cast no blame. She is already doing something very kind and responsible by offering to watch 2 toddlers, praise her for that and ignore what she isn't doing.

amother

Beige

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 2:20 am

This may be an unpopular opinion but I'd say "I wish you would have informed me of that before, so I knew to make other arrangements. I really don't want yossi going to sleep in a dirty diaper." And then I'd leave. OF course I'd make sure to check the kids diaper upon arriving home, and of course change it ASAP if it's dirty but honestly nothing's gonna happen to the kid if he has a dirty diaper for an hour or two, and at that point ( on your way out of the house) there's no time to arrange a babysitter who DOES change dirty diapers. Your daughter has plenty of dirty diaper changing years ahead of her I'yh. I wouldnt make a big deal of it right now.

Teomima

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 2:20 am

"Oh yes you are, young lady. And if I come home to discover he's sleeping in a dirty diaper, you'll find yourself grounded/lose phone privileges/*whatever appropriate punishment you use in your house"
Eta: it's nice to see so many other moms responding with such nice, calm, thoughtful responses. I'd like to think I'd do that, too, but I know in the rest of the moment I'd be feeling rushed and frustrated and the above is how I'd respond.

Last edited by Teomima on Wed, Oct 24 2018, 2:27 am; edited 1 time in total

salt

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 2:23 am

"Oh I know it's a bit yucky. Hey, who knows, you might just be in luck, and he'll stay clean till we get back. But if he is dirty, I know you'll rise to the challenge. Just hold your breath, breath through your mouth, and half close your eyes, think about something else, and you'll be just fine. And we'll bring you something delicious from the bar mitzvah"

amother

Taupe

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 5:08 am

It's difficult because you were already out the door and put on the spot.
It's definitely easier for me to think about it now sitting on my couch wondering how I'd have reacted. Well to be honest if I was in a hurry and counted on her help if have said: WHAT? Are you joking???? You offered to stay home, I counted on you.. what are you thinking? You're 17 .. you wanna get married in the next few years but you can't change a diaper?

But here's what a calm me sitting on the couch would have said: not changing a dirty diaper isn't an option. You know this is part of babysitting or watching your siblings, so when you offered to help out you knew this was part of the deal. If you weren't okay with it you shouldn't have offered the help or at least told me then, so I could have organized a babysitter. If I have to find a last minute babysitter I will, and I will pay half of the amount from your pocket money.
If you work in a gan you can't say " I don't change diapers" . You'll get fired. So this is my consequence and I expect an apology.

Has your daughter ever helped with her siblings? Ever changed diapers? Because it also depends on her upbringing. I expect my kids to help each other and even my 5 year old once changed the babies nappy. So I doubt I'd be hearing this from my daughter when she's 17. But there's different families where the kids don't help in that way and in that case her reaction isn't surprising. I personally would be very upset if my daughter expected the little one to sleep in a dirty diaper because she's too much of a princess to change it. We are a family and we make sure everyone in the family is cared for...

devash1

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 5:34 am

I would probably just ignore the comment and say have a good night. Most likely she would probably not want to see her siblings suffer and would change the diaper anyway.if she was nice enough to offer to stay home and watch everybody else I would think that she cares about them enough to change it and if not a few hours will not be the end of the world.

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 6:03 am

OP here. Interesting replies running the range from not saying anything to threatening punishment. Smile

DD does help in the house and with the kids and is no spoiled princess, but I guess changing diapers is just outside of her comfort zone. I don't ask her to change diapers at all when I'm home even though I have 2 kids in diapers, but obviously if she offers to babysit when I'm out, I understand from that that she will step up and do what has to be done.

I had a feeling she wasn't really grasping the significance of what she was saying at that point, so my response was a little different than the ones in this thread. I said, "So should I stay home in case he has a dirty diaper, or should I tell your brother, who's already sitting in the car in his suit and tie, that he has to stay home so we can take Yossi along even though we told him he would be able to go?"

She answered, "Would you really do that? Never mind, just go." And that was that.

I suppose next time she offers to babysit, it should be stipulated in advance that that includes dirty diaper changing.

DrMom

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 7:57 am

amother wrote:

"Of course you're changing him is he's dirty. That's part of babysitting a child who is still in diapers. You can't leave him in a wet or soiled diaper; he'll get a rash and be miserable."

Notsobusy

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 8:23 am

amother wrote:

OP here. Interesting replies running the range from not saying anything to threatening punishment. Smile

Your response was perfect.

Knowing my teens, I can see them saying something like that, but not actually being serious about it. They don't want to change a dirty diaper, but they wouldn't leave the baby with a dirty diaper.

Although I once got a phone call from my nephew, he was babysitting his younger siblings and the baby had a dirty diaper, and he begged me to come change him. If I wouldn't have gone over he would have done it himself, but he really, really didn't want to, so I was a good aunt and I went to change the baby.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 8:42 am

Notsobusy wrote:

Yes, this is a typical teenage response. They want to show that they still retain some control of the situation, so instead of just following all the instructions, they'll choose something to say to the contrary. Usually its more of a figurative statement than a literal one. You've gotta know your kid though.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 12:20 pm

amother wrote:

Borrow my 3-year old for the evening. I once caught her changing her younger sibling's dirty diaper shock

And um, my three-year-old was once wiped by her playgroup mate, because she knew was too young to do it alone... (I guess she didn't realize that the age rules applied to the OTHER wiper as well!)

Cheiny

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 12:23 pm

amother wrote:

I agree, but I’d add that she absolutely must change the dirty diaper as needed, and not let her have her choice. She must learn that once she committed herself, she must fulfill everything that comes along with it.

ShishKabob

Wed, Oct 24 2018, 1:32 pm

You responded really well.

I think it's just the way a teenager speaks. my dd hates to change diapers. But, she will do it if she needs to. Like the other poster said, she has a bleeding heart, in the end she will feel sorry for the kid and do it even if she feels like throwing up while she's at it.

Our kids rock! Let's have faith in them! Let's believe in their goodness!