Dreams about death

Forrealx

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 6:44 am

Hello,

My grandpa died 2.5 weeks ago. I was very very close with him, he was sick for a long time. I'm still sad about it but I don't cry yesterday I cried because I saw pictures about the city he was born (I'm also from their city) and I cried for a few times.
Now it is this... I was not in his room when he was about to pass away I find it too shocking, my mother stayed the whole night with her dad till he died in the middle of the night.
Every night I'm dreaming about him, he never says anything he is just there. And it is hard for me, yesterday I dreamed that my mom said to me that DH or she will die soon, I dream that he is sleeping and last night I dreamed that my dad showed me a picture how my granddad looked like when he was dead. It was totally not nice... This is happening now every week. And I want to stop this but I'm also afraid that there is more, is he mad at me because I was not at his deathbed? I really find it difficult but I'm really wondering why I'm dreaming about him.

Love,

Forrealx

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 8:54 am

amother wrote:

Chill. You’re traumatized by his death and feeling guilty about staying away when he died. He’s not sending you bad dreams—your guilty conscience is.
You need to come to terms with what happened. When you do, your bad dreams will go away.

Yeah I need to chill but the dreams are so worst and bad and I think why I dream this way. Dh says: “you are just in a bad grief he was not only your grandpa he was also your friend. And you took care of him, took him out bed and dressed him. Give yourself time to grief.” And I try to at day I’m sometimes nostalgic and I talk about funny things I had with my grandpa but every night I have horrific dreams . And I hate it

thunderstorm

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:02 am

When my grandmother passed away , thoughts of her consumed me day and night. I had a dream about her the night before the levaya . It was her preparing and serving the meal for all of us that we would have after her levaya. It was beyond creepy. I repeated my dreams to her children and they said it would have been typical of her to do it that if it were "possible". For the first 8 months she was in my dreams all the time.
She was a big loss to me and I've never felt so sad in my life like I did then. But HaShem sends a Nechama and after about a year it gets easier. Allow yourself to be sad, to feel guilty, whatever feelings you need to feel. Maybe doing something special to honor your grandfathers memory , may also be therapeutic .
May Hakadosh Baruch Hu comfort you very soon.

dankbar

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 11:21 am

You probably dreaming about him because you're thinking about him all day. The advice if you dream about a nifter then you should give tzedaka leilu nishmas. To know if he's really coming to you in your dreams, & not just bc of your thoughts.....then he would be like clouded like knowing it's him but not seeing him in total form entire time. Also a nifter doesn't have menucha if you are so depressed about his passing. Sometime they appear & show you that they are fine up there so you should calm down. Did he look radiant happy or sick? If you see him sick the way you saw him before he was nifter then it's your own memories & thoughts that haunt you. If you see him looking young & happy then relax & know he's fine. Any mitzvos you do in his name is a zchus for him up there.

Forrealx

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:32 pm

dankbar wrote:

Wow thank you! Did not knew this. I mostly dream about him while sick or he is just asleep. He is not doing things. My other grandpa who passed away 10 years ago appeared in my dream a year after his death and we were rowing in a boat in Thailand (he loved to travel). Another time he appeared very clearly at my other grandparent's house he was full of light and only I could see him. Very special. This is totally different and it is more haunting me.
My mom had kinda the same when her first cousin died from cancer. She was his favorite cousin he was 13 years older and he was always cuddling and playing with her and protecting her. Once my mom dreamt that he was on a ladder and said '' Your cousin is dead I don't like it, I'm lonely I can't be here why don't you get with me on this ladder?'' and my mom said '' I can't go with you, you are indeed dead, go on that ladder yourself you are not coming back''. FTR, all these men (both grandpa's and this cousin) were not jewish (my mom is though)..is. will it still be zichus if I do things in his name.

Forrealx

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 2:44 pm

dankbar wrote:

Dont know anything about non jews & oilam habah. I hope his nashama is not lingering down here to haunt you. You should talk to a rav if this doesn't let you function & see what you can do so you don't have these bad dreams & if there is anything you can do for his soul.

I'm totally OOT don't know a proper rav for this. I hope u have ideas?