My kids have a strict bedtime, AMA

Reality

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:42 am

Reality wrote:

It was not mean. It was truthful.

I agree with you. A mother has to do what a mother has to do. I am not a perfect mom at all. But I am not giving out advice about my poor mothering techniques!

Where did I say you were a bad mom? I said I thought your bedtime routine was a poor mothering technique. That is not the same thing at all.

I also have poor mothering techniques. But I didn't start a thread about them.

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:46 am

SixOfWands wrote:

You didn't address that to me, but I'll answer.

Yes. I feel like I lost out.

Our bedtime wasn't as early as yours, but it was before my father got home. We never had dinner as a family. We never got to spend time with my father. Turns out he's a pretty cool guy, but we never really knew that until we were adults.

He lost out as well.

Fortunately for him, he's got a second chance with his grandkids, and he's a rockstar with them.

And we missed out on other things. On activities that other kids got to do. On just hanging out when we were in elementary school. Lots of things.

While I'm sure I've made plenty of other mistakes, an early, strict bedtime isn't one of them. Strict bedtime for younger kids? Yes. But much later than 6.

Sorry to hear your experiences but my husband is very close with the kids and they spend time together on weekends. They def know him as a person and love to spend time with him.

During the week he works probably 9am-12 am with a few breaks so its not really practical to keep the kids up at night anyway. He comes home after 8 but working from home then. Even if they were up he wouldn't be able to play with them.

Right now my kids don't miss out on anything. We'll see what happens when theyre older. Im open to changing our routine. Right now thus works for us.

kneidel

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 9:59 am

oliveoil wrote:

Do you like your kids?

How much time per day do they get with you?

I don't think there's necessarily an inverse correlation here. I was reading in one of the papers about 'bedtime-struggle' and was taken aback that it exists to that extent. Bedtime has always been a highlight for my kids (think games, stories, songs, one-on-one time) and they relished it. Bedtime and mornings have always been my favourite two hours of the day.

(I didn't like it [understatement!] as a kid. Wink

Then again, my only good times from childhood were spent either at school or at friends'.)

Maya

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 12:52 pm

keym wrote:

Curious. Strict like what time?

The seven year old is in bed by 7:30 and can read until 8:00.
The twelve year old is in bed by 8:00 and can read until 8:45.
Even if they go into bed later, they need to stop reading at the usual time.

They wake up at 6:15 am on school days.

My older one has been attending bar mitzvahs this year so of course I make an exception for those, but not happily. Im the one who has to wake him the next morning. Very Happy

jkl

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 4:11 pm

Maya wrote:

The twelve year old has no complaints?

DREAMING

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 4:58 pm

Maya wrote:

My son is about the same age and goes to bed about 8:40/9:00. Wake up at 7. He is very unhappy going to bed "early" but is complaining of being tired. Does your son ever complain about bedtime? Whoever I speak to it ones seem I'm on the early side

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 5:32 pm

Mommy1:) wrote:

Do you have any children who nap? General age range of napping kids, how long they nap for, and what time do they nap?

Love this thread! I thought I was alone in a strict bedtime.

My infant obviously naps. I nurse on demand and do not sleep train until 12 months. I have a young toddler who naps from 12-1. My others dont nap at all.

My kids drop naps young.

Im so glad someone likes my thread!! I grew up in a home with no bedtime and am thankful to be able to provide that for my kids. I was always tired.

Mommyg8

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 6:38 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Interesting how often we do the opposite of how we were raised!

I had a 6:30 bedtime that was set in stone. The only problem is that I just couldn't fall asleep. I would just lie in bed feeling more and more lonely and scared....

I started the same for my oldest but quickly realized that he has the same problem I do. So my rigid bedtime flew out the window... and never flew back in. Because once one kid stays up (and the oldest), how can I get anyone else to go to sleep early?

jkl

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 6:38 pm

DREAMING wrote:

I think a lot of this has to do with what time your children come home from school. When my boys were 12, they arrived home at around 6:30. Putting them to bed at around 8 would have been really unfair to them. Even if they woke at 6:30 am (bus came at 7), the kids needed to have some downtime too.

Now I have a house full of teens. Bedtime is a concept that doesn't exist anymore shock

Mommy1:)

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 6:39 pm

I didn't always have a strict bedtime. Once I instituted it, my kids were better able to function. Less cranky, better academics, less colds and illness. And an early bedtime for the kids helps me actually keep up after the housework and laundry. Once I saw the benefits for everyone, I became a fan!

ectomorph

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 6:42 pm

newbie613 wrote:

What’s your bedtime routine? How did you get your kids to actually like going to sleep?

I serve early dinner then bath then snack. Then I turn off the light and we play quietly until 6. We say shema I give them a kiss they go to sleep.

My kids happen to love routine. They get stressed when they dont know whats coming next. They're so happy to be able to predict the next thing that is going to happen.

Tonight one kid couldn't settle so I let him go into my bed. He was asleep by 615 and I transferred him into his own bed.
Another one pooped twice and ended up going to sleep at 730. The others were perfectly on schedule.

I always say if they stick to it 70% of the time thats great. Out of several kids if 70 percent of the time theyre all down at 6. Thats amazing.

Maya

Mon, Nov 05 2018, 8:06 pm

DREAMING wrote:

He complained last year when his bedtime was earlier so we let him stay up later, but he doesn’t complain now because he’s realized that he needs this sleep in order to function. We know he probably goes to sleep earlier than the other kids but right now we’re still good.

L25

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 6:01 am

dreaming- I can't answer about bedtime but I've found that my dd is ok with the fact that we are stricter then her friends parents about certain things because she realizes it comes from love. We make her use a booster still because she's not tall enough, yes she is chalishing to be tall enough not to use one but we explained to her why she needs one and so she uses one. She wouldn't go without one at this point. We left it at home one time and when I went to pick her up from school she right away told me that she didn't have her booster seat. I ended up going home (we live close by) and getting it. She recognizes it's importance. Same thing with other things like eating healthy.

I think the problem is when they don't see it as a form of love. I would explain to him the connection between amount of sleep and tiredness. I would also explain that different people need different amount of sleep. You are raising "him" not his friends and make your decisions based on his best interest.

ectomorph

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 6:04 am

L25 wrote:

exactly. I would love your post of I could

momsrus

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 6:30 am

It's nice that your kids have a strict bedtime. Your kids are very little. Wait another few years. If you an still say when your kids are 12-15 that your kids you have a strict bedtime THEN I will have questions for you. Right now I can just say enjoy it while it lasts.

bookie

Tue, Nov 06 2018, 8:41 am

[quote="momsrus"]It's nice that your kids have a strict bedtime. Your kids are very little. Wait another few years. If you an still say when your kids are 12-15 that your kids you have a strict bedtime THEN I will have questions for you. Right now I can just say enjoy it while it lasts.[/quote

This my kids were in bed at six thirty until my oldest was in second grade. And they woke up on their own in the morning whatever time. Now she doesn’t go before nine fifteen and us in sixth grade.