Do DILs try to take away sons from their families?

zaq

Thu, Nov 08 2018, 11:18 am

amother wrote:

Is that what you did with YOUR husband????

Why are you attacking OP? She asked a simple question. Nowhere did she say that her dil is doing this. My guess is she heard someone say that dils do this; she has a ds in shidduchim, engaged or newly married; she is worried that this might happen; and wants to know how to avert such a situation. No need to be nasty.

amother

Peach

Thu, Nov 08 2018, 6:21 pm

Something so important is not to knock your dil to your son. So many woman make this mistake thinking he’s my son he can handle it but they don’t realize that once he’s married his loyalty is to his wife and by insulting his wife or criticizing her all the mil is doing is alienating herself from her daughter in law. The repeats the conversation and obviously the daughter in law will have no interest in a relationship with the mil plus the son will avoid his mother because he doesn’t want to hear bad about his wife.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Nov 08 2018, 8:44 pm

Perspective is certainly important. If you ask my in-laws, I am a cold, calculating, controlling, toxic person who tore a father and son apart and refuse to allow them any access to their only grandchildren.

But

If you ask anyone else who knows them, you realize that something is majorly "off" with my mother-in-law. Many people believe she has Borderline Personality Disorder. We have suffered through a lot over the years from her. She is not even DH's mother - but she thinks of herself as such. Meantime he hates her guts. My FIL, sadly, is too wrapped up in her drama to see the pattern, over decades, where she has systematically alienated and cut off every significant person in her life.

We respectfully attempted to set boundaries, and she cut off all contact with us. But demands access to our kids. We have made it clear repeatedly that there must be, at minimum, a civil relationship, if they want to have anything to do with our kids. But they literally will not have so much as a phone conversation with us.

So I am the evil daughter-in-law. Ironically, it is Dh who felt much more strongly on the issue. But as far as they are concerned, it's all the daughter-in-law.

For those who know me and recognize my story (I know it's pretty easily identifiable!) - I debated whether to go amother, as I generally don't like to do it, but I felt if there is someone reading it who DOESN'T know, I should spare my in-laws the publicity