What does bedtime look like in your house?

amother

Copper

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 11:22 pm

When do you start?
Do you have a routine - and do you stick to it?
Do your kids actually stay in bed? If yes is it bec there will be consequences/a reward/ you'll get angry/you sit there till they fall asleep?
Do they constantly come out of bed for a drink, or to eat something?
Are you able to put to put two kids sleep in the same room at the same time? or do they talk and keep each other up? (if yes, do you give different bedtimes, put one in another room and transfer them later or sit there till their asleep?)
Do your teens go to sleep whenever they want? What age do you stop being on top of their bedtime?
And mainly - on most nights to you manage to do bedtime without getting angry or threatening anyone?
Be honest!

Zehava

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 12:02 am

Not much of a routine
It really depends on my stress level that day. If I’m really really stressed and know I’m likely to yell I bribe them with screentime when they’re all ready for bed if it’s before their bedtime.
If I’m calm then I’ll ditch the screentime and just start early enough.
They usually don’t give me much of a hard time.
They do talk in bed, sometimes up to an hour, but it’s so adorable to listen. As long as they’re in bed their talking doesn’t bother me they eventually fall asleep when they’re tired enough.

crust

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 7:40 am

amother wrote:

1. When do you start?
2. Do you have a routine - and do you stick to it?
3. Do your kids actually stay in bed? If yes is it bec there will be consequences/a reward/ you'll get angry/you sit there till they fall asleep?
4. Do they constantly come out of bed for a drink, or to eat something?
5. Are you able to put to put two kids sleep in the same room at the same time? or do they talk and keep each other up? (if yes, do you give different bedtimes, put one in another room and transfer them later or sit there till their asleep?)
6. Do your teens go to sleep whenever they want? What age do you stop being on top of their bedtime?
7. And mainly - on most nights to you manage to do bedtime without getting angry or threatening anyone?
Be honest!

Good morning Op.
To answer your questions in words;

1. Between 7 and 9.

2. Basic routine.
Do I stick to it? Sometimes a child is too tired so its only the pasuk Shema. Sometimes a child wants to eat an apple after brushing teeth.
No. I am not rigid about any routine like timing etc except for bathing.

3. No. They don't stay in bed. They are swift and they like fun.
Sometimes I tell the younger ones a story and then all of a sudden the entire family is there listening.

I am there with them till they fall asleep. Very often if I see that their shmoozing with me makes them too alert I tell them we are all closing eyes now.

4. Yes. I also feel thirsty sometimes when Im about to get into bed.
Sometimes I decide that its better if I bring them the cup of water so they dont get lost on their trip out.

5. Depends on the children and what type of talk they have. Wink

Of course I put each child to sleep at a different time except when they are very young.
And yes I have put kids in different rooms and then transferred them.

6. Its hard to say an age but at around teenage it becomes their achrayis.
I do discuss this with them.
Some ask me to help them and remind them to get into bed.
Some go to sleep when the house quites down and there is no more action to be up for.

7. For the younger ones I usually give money or another small gift (doctor sticker etc) for being ready on time. I reserve the right to change the defintion of 'On time' accordingly.

I hope this helps op.
I'm not sure this is what you were looking for.

ectomorph

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 7:44 am

[quote="amother"]When do you start? 4
Do you have a routine - and do you stick to it? Yes and yes
Do your kids actually stay in bed? If yes is it bec there will be consequences/a reward/ you'll get angry/you sit there till they fall asleep? Depends how they're feeling. Lately we're going thru a spate of ear infection colds strep and they can't sleep without motrin
Do they constantly come out of bed for a drink, or to eat something? No. Usually if something isb bothering them
Are you able to put to put two kids sleep in the same room at the same time? or do they talk and keep each other up? (if yes, do you give different bedtimes, put one in another room and transfer them later or sit there till their asleep?) Depends how tired they are sometimes I have to separate them. Ill put one in my bed in that case m
Do your teens go to sleep whenever they want? What age do you stop being on top of their bedtime? I dunno
And mainly - on most nights to you manage to do bedtime without getting angry or threatening anyone? Yes. That is why I have such a strict routine. So that im able to stay calm. The kids love the predictability.
Be honest![/quobte]

nicole81

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 8:02 am

When my kids ranged in ages from 4-12, it was very routine. Everyone went to bed at the same time, we did a story and songs, and they all stayed in bed.

Now I have two more and they range in age from 6 months to 14, and it looks very different.

The 2 and 8 year old have a set bedtime of 8pm. Sometimes we don't make it and it ends up being 8:30. Before we put them to bed, we crowd around the 6 month old in my room and everyone sings to him and says good night. Then off to the next room where we sing to the 2 and 8 year Olds and say goodnight. They say in bed but often talk for a good 30 min before their night is over.

The 14 yo boy's routine is that he learns with dad once the littlest ones are in bed. Then he says goodnight but doesn't really go to bed until about 10.

The 13 year old girl has an electronics off by 9pm rule and bed by 9:30 rule. She's great with that BH and is usually trying to get one of us to come up with her and shut her lights early since she's in a loft bed.

The 12 year old girl... Idk... I take her phone at 8:30 but she always finds some reason to stay up. Last night she begged me to brush through her hair and braid it at 9pm. I finished around 9:30 and then suddenly she needs a drink, then the bathroom, then another drink, then she needs to find a doll, etc... I usually have to just keep repeating I love you now go upstairs. After about 3 times she finally goes. Once she's in bed she's good for the night but getting her up there can be a challenge. But it makes sense, since I think she also needs the attention.

We aim to have all kids off the main floor and in their respective rooms by 9pm. We make that goal twice a week. We make it by 9:30 another 2 or 3 times a week, and the rest is 10 or later. Usually if it goes past 10 I completely lose my patience and just keep saying go to bed NOW and not interacting til they get the message 😳

MiracleMama

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 11:36 am

My least favorite time of the day. Always tears and tantrums involved. (Sometimes my tears and my tantrums Wink

). Children are suddenly not tired, thirsty, hungry, feeling sick, need to finish just one last thing, need to read one more chapter, remember a homework assignment due tomorrow, have papers for us to sign, are itchy and need another shower, want to pack their snacks for tomorrow right away now, want to negotiate a day off from school tomorrow, etc. And even if they get in bed and stay in bed, when we come to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight, after a whole day of having nothing to say, they suddenly want to discuss the deepest/ heaviest topics on earth.

thunderstorm

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 11:56 am

My kids go to bed based on the time that their Rebbe requires. Not a minute sooner. But , when I say "Shloimy, it's 8:30" my 8 yr old son takes the cue and goes to bed no questions asked.
My 12 yr old usually goes to bed even earlier and reads until he conks out.
My 16 yr old comes home from night Sefer at 10 and is usually in bed by 11:00. I'm usually in bed before he even gets home.
My oldest is at a dorm.
My baby goes to sleep between 7.30 and 8:30.
We don't have the shtickthat happens in lots of homes. Baruch HaShem , the one above knows exactly what I can handle and what I can't . I'm usually asleep between 9:30 and 10:30 myself. I have always been "an early to bed and early to rise" person. My kids take after me in that regard.

mha3484

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 12:17 pm

My kids are 2,4 and 8. The 4 year old is a really difficult sleeper so getting him to bed is the most involved of all of them.

I start with him first usually around 7 or 7:30. He will go to sleep decently with a combo of 1) 1mg of melatonin 2) relaxing music or this CD where the woman does relaxation methods for little kids and 3) massage that he calls rubs. It takes about half an hour. He also can not nap or bed time will make me cry. He is finally at the point where hes up once a night. If its between 4a-6a I usually just let him lay with me if its before 4am I go to his room and put him back to bed.

Once he is really asleep I put the 2 year old to bed. He kvetches for about 10 min then hes asleep. He will only wake up in the night if someone wakes him. Otherwise hes a pretty decent sleeper.

My 8 year old goes in next usually around 8. He likes to listen to music and have me sit with him. I give him 15 min or so and if hes chatting more then sleeping I tell him I am leaving the room. Unless he needs the bathroom he sleeps like the dead.

Bli ayin hara its not terrible. I think if all of my kids were my 4 year old I would have a nervous breakdown. One I can handle, more then that I'm not so sure....

amother

Aqua

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 1:13 pm

My kids at 2,4,6 and yes there is routine and yes we always follow the routine and one stays in bed the other comes out if My husband isn’t home. If my husband is home there’s no talking and no monkey business. There no rewards and punishment.

My two older kids both boys get into pajamas at 6:15 and are in the bedroom approximately 6:45 they get stories and singing and Krias shmah till 7:00 7:00 pm is lights out and they go to sleep.

The two year old also gets into pajamas at 6:15 and she goes to bed a 8:00-8:15 she also is sung to and rocked with her bottle and then put into her crib awake same as it’s been since she was a baby. For naps we put her in the crib with out as much singing and rocking but either way she puts herself to sleep.

I don’t stay with any of my kids till they fall asleep and Baruch Hashem they all have healthy sleep habits.

To note the 4 year old travels for school and naps in school and the bus so he’s not really as tired which I believe is why he comes out if bed. When he does I often let him play just wait till hubby comes home when he hears the key in the door he runs to his bed before hubby is even in the house Smile

Thats my bedtime schedule and routines no teenagers so I can tell you yet how that will be.

amother

Yellow

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 1:15 pm

Zehava wrote:

Thanks for making me feel good. That's exactly how my bedtime looks

jewishmom6

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:02 pm

amother wrote:

Thats my bedtime schedule and routines no teenagers so I can tell you yet how that will be.

This made me lol. in my house if my kids hear my husband unlocking the door. They make a mad dash toward the door.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:06 pm

I have three kids, aged 7, 4, 2. There is never screaming involved in bedtime. We do not do rewards or punishments or threats. It is just the way it is done. I explain to them the reason for the rules--they need their sleep or they will feel bad the next day or be late to school and miss davening (big motivator, bless them). It took us a while to get into this routine, but by now the kids listen. Dinner at 4:45 or 5. then quiet play and reading, or bath time every other day. Pajamas at 6. My husband starts to help around 6 on most days. Teeth at 6:30. In bed at 7, when each kid gets a story, shema, and cuddle. My oldest, who has a history of trauma needs a mellowchew to fall asleep. All kids asleep by 7:15. very occasionally, like about once a week, one kid will test the limits and come out laughing. I say in a firm but loving voice, "I love you, and now it is time to sleep" and place them back in their bed. My kids wake up on the button at 6:45 am.

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:47 pm

Bedtime ... ahh the memories. Oy, the memories.
it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Kids saying the cutest things, sweet singing, bedtime stories, clean yummy heads to sniff.
And sheer utter frustration, the feeling of playing whack-a-mole without a proper stick!
Add to that a DH who usually was not home at that time because of davening or a shiur....yeah.
I found Dina Friedman had some nice ideas for bedtime. I did bedtime fun 10 minutes or so for each kid. Either a game, story, or a schmooze. Of course that was assuming the baby went in ok...sometimes we ran overtime....but each kid felt that they got their attention.
Now I have teenagers - one dorms...one is at home and phone is off by 10:30. Youngest is really old enough to put himself in, but he likes when I come along and shmooze, say shma etc. We have nice conversations and I usually don't mind because I know that soon soon it will be over....