Bariatric surgery for my 18 yr old DD

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amother

Brunette

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 1:20 am

My daughter is in Seminary now. She is 45lbs overweight. She has had weight issues since she’s 12. She has tried every diet out there. She is miserable about her weight. Despite me telling her she’s beautiful and has so many other talents etc.
She is begging to do the surgery. I know it’s drastic. But I feel like very few obese people lose the weight and keep it off.
What is your opinion ?

Chana Miriam S

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 1:24 am

I can’t say for your kid but many who have tried everything do well on low carb.

familyfirst

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 1:41 am

Sounds drastic for 45 pounds overweight

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 1:51 am

OP, its not this easy fix. First of all, there is definitely a minimum amount of weight one has to be over to be qualified for the surgery. And there are many tests and checks that one has to do before even beginning to think about being qualified as well. Also, she would have to make a life style change, even with the surgery. The surgery in and of itself will not make her loose all of the weight. It has to come from her.
This was not written in any sort of judgement but just to make you realize that, yes, your daughter might want this desperately, but it will not be magic.
(said by someone who has been thinking on and off about this surgery for the last ten years but has not gone through with it yet for soooo many reasons and also has been over weight since I was a child and am quite a bit older than your daughter)

chanchy123

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:05 am

Where do you live? In Israel, for example there is no way anyone would operate on a woman who is only 45 pounds overweight.
My husband had bariatric surgery nine years ago - it was extremely successful and he has been a healthy weight ever since. However, he was a lot more than 45 pounds overweight, probably more than twice that.
I understand where you are coming from though. My DD is also overweight. She is 13 now, and you can tell that she has the same genetic makeup as DH causing her to gain weight, my other children are average weight. She probably needs the surgery as well in order to maintain a healthy weight, however the requirements for surgery are very far from her current situation, BH.
You are right, it is very rare for obese people to keep off extra weight. Speak to her medical practitioner about noninvasive solutions. My DH was suggested (by his doctor) appetite suppressant pills to help him lose the weight, this might help your DD.
I think you should help DD accept her self as she is. She should learn to love herself and her body and buy clothes that look good on her (maybe take her to a personal stylist). As long as she leads a healthy life style, eats well gets enough exercise etc. she will be healthy and she should learn to love herself as she is.
If she has bad eating habits - the surgery won't cure her obesity. Surgery is good for people like my DH and DD who just have an enormous appetite and slow metabolism. It doesn't help people who eat all the wrong foods all the time, who nosh, eat emotionally etc. (people like me unfortunately:( ) Those kind of people though could probably lose weight with a good diet and better eating habits.

Jewishmom8

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 2:46 am

many many people who do these surgery gain the weight back and they have health issues the rest of their lives.
why not get her an amazing trainer.

amother

Olive

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 6:14 am

My husband and I both did it. Over 12 years ago. My dh has kept it off and eats very differently than he used to. He cut out certain bad foods (soda, regular or diet), skips bread, most refined foods, eats tons of veggies. He fills up quickly. He enjoys a bit of it and then can forget about food. Doesn't emotionally eat anymore. He lost around 100 lbs, a good goal weight and no one believes he was ever heavy when they see him now. No real health issues from the surgery other than he needs supplements. Digestive enzymes help him a lot but I don't know if it is related to the surgery.

I lost around 80 lbs but gained 25 back or so when trying to get pregnant again. I had three pregnancies after the surgery but it has taken such a different toll on me. Permanent malabsorption issues. I can't just swallow vitamins. They don't really help. I get iron IV infusion and B12 shots. I eat a lot of added in powdered whole vitamin foods in shakes and still my tendency to be anemic or deficient is serious. I only changed my eating habits 6 years ago when I decided to go Paleo for life. I lost the 25 I gained but plateaued there so am thinking of going on Keto to lose the rest. It's a lifetime commitment to change the way you eat. I must go low carb as I am insulin resistant and keeping your sugar levels steady is the only way to good health. I would HIGHLY suggest she try Paleo or Keto for 6 months and see what happens. I really wish I would have done that first. The surgery really can have awful complications for the rest of her life. Doctors brush off these things but it takes a toll on your health to constantly maintain your proper and necessary vitamin/mineral balance. It probably can cause many issues that you'd never think were related. I also tried every diet but not those two and it's amazing how they work for me. The priority has to change. You have to want to change your life's health more than you want to enjoy food. I haven't touched gluten or dairy in these 6 years. Not a lick. I just decided once and for all that I am ok with never having them again.

Some can have a bite here and there and maybe I would if I ever lose all of the weight. I can still lose 50 lbs now so I'm no where near ready to start playing with adding in harmful foods for me. I still get full quicker than most but as I get older (am over 40 now) I have to watch my diet even more as my body is more sensitive.

45 lbs isn't enough to warrant surgery IMO and as well as the opinion of most doctors.

imasinger

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 6:24 am

Poor kid! You sound like you've tried so hard to help her to like herself, it's heartbreaking to feel so out of control.

I agree that a) she probably won't qualify for the surgery, and b) it's risky.

If she has always tried dieting herself, maybe you can help her find a nutritionist or trainer. You might want to look for someone who suggests this approach: regular exercise, a good way to start, followed by cutting out whatever her trigger foods are for a short period, then learning about Intuitive Eating.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 6:34 am

First of all, has she had a full and comprehensive thyroid panel done by a specialist?
Next, check to see if she is hypoglycemic or insulin resistant.
Does she get enough exercise?

I am not a doctor, but 18 sounds way too young for drastic surgery, and as you've read, things can go wrong with vitamin absorption for the rest of her life.

Has she tried Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig? Research shows that the most effective diet plan is done in a group setting, where you have lots of support, and you are accountable to someone besides yourself.

I lost 65 pounds with the HCG diet, and my sister lost 90 pounds. You can search forum topics, there is a very long thread about it.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 6:38 am

Whether she qualifies or not depends on her BMI and any related health issues. A tiny person could qualify if they were 45 lbs overweight and health issues due to their obesity.

DH had the surgery. He lost over 100lbs over 5 years ago, and he eats junk and drinks. He has mazones for breakfast with his coffee, and it is downhill from there. He keeps candy in his car for the commute and eats nosh when he gets home nightly. He was insulin dependent and got off his insulin.

Most people don't have such good results and gain the weight back.

amother

Green

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 7:31 am

I live in NY and I did the lapband procedure when I was 18 yrs old. It did a lot of justice to my confidence. If shes up to it let her go for it. Its not sucha crazy procedure. I lost about 45 lbs on it.

Loads of luck

groisamomma

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 7:38 am

I would let her start the process, and if she's not eligible then let the doctor be the one to tell her. He'll send her to a competent nutritionist. It will do world for her confidence.

I lost 100 lbs with the sleeve (it was too much, I looked emaciated at first) and kept 90 off for the last 5 years. Not easy, I still have to watch what I eat but I'd say let her go for it.

rachel0615

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 7:46 am

My mom had gastric bypass . she developed really severe epilepsy from it, as did many others. Apparently they touch a nerve during it that goes to the vrain that can trigger Neuro issues for some ppl. She did lose a ton of weight but the Neuro issues gave been devastating for the the family- she can't work , brain damage from seizures, etc. If u do go through with it for your daughter, I urge u to do it in the very least invasive way possible ie Lap band vs full blown gastric bypass. Best of luck to ur daughter!!

amother

Brunette

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 7:55 am

Op here. Thank you all. Of course we have been to Doctors to rule out any issues. She has been to 7! well recommended nutritionists. Besides weight watchers. She went off carbs. She is super motivated but has a huge appetite. 45lbs overweight is now when she’s young and trying so hard. I’m afraid once she starts with having babies etc. It will be so much worse.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 8:12 am

Amother green, did your surgery post any issue with shidduchim or later on in life?

amother

Brunette

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 8:15 am

amother wrote:

Amother green, did your surgery post any issue with shidduchim or later on in life?

This! Would love to know!

watergirl

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 8:19 am

amother wrote:

The surgery wont help her with the huge appetite. She will need to control it or she sill get very sick once the surgery is done. And I echo others who said that most drs wont do the operation for 45 lbs.

amother

Green

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 8:38 am

amother wrote:

Amother green, did your surgery post any issue with shidduchim or later on in life?

Im chassidish, I got married about a yr later. Bh have a few kids. I did have complications from the lapband at a certain point. But it can happen to anyone. I removed it and put it back almost 3 yrs later. What I like about the band is that it's reversible. I basically kept my weight off.. Im still not skinny but maybe if I start a strict exercise ritual and make healthier food choices ill be losing more weight

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 8:38 am

Watch some Chef AJ videos and show her one about nutrient density. When you have a big appetite this really works. Concept is about filling up on low calorie foods. .

happyone

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 10:13 am

Please PM me I have information for you

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