Thanksgiving at in-laws

westchestermom

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 1:58 am

I usually cook thanksgiving for my husband's entire family (maybe ten to 12 people) but this is the first year my mother-in-law will not be out of the country. My sister in law and her husband recovering from foot surgery live across the street from me. We'll all be in traffic at least an hour. Last night my mother in law called to say that it will be at her house, I'm expected to make sweet potato casserole and can I do the turkey as well. I work overnight so ill be home after 730 am thanksgiving morning, plus my sister in law works thanksgiving night so its a narrow window we can all be there anyway. I'm not arguing with her but I feel terribly inconvenienced. Realistically we'll arrive at 5 and by 8 my little one will want her bed, and we'll be expected to stay until midnight at least with cranky tired me and the kids because everyone else will have left for work or to stay with brother in law whose dog needs walking. I know I can't make her do it at my house but any ideas to get through it?

Last edited by westchestermom on Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:52 am; edited 1 time in total

tachles

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 2:08 am

You all have to travel to her , and she wants you to make the turkey??
I would suggest to her all the reasons why you’d love to host her at your place.
If that doesn’t help, go- but find a balance between leaving at 8 because your kids are tired and staying till midnight when you yourself will be tired too.
I’d try to get my kids to nap, or assume they’ll nap in the car rides. I’d try to let them fall asleep there and transfer them to the car sleeping. It’s a once a year thing so a little flexibility helps.
I would stay till 9:30 give or take. Not 12.
You should nap too since your getting off a night shift. No idea how you’ll manage the cooking! But I have no experience roasting turkey and how long it takes.

westchestermom

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 2:16 am

My husband said he told her I couldn't do the turkey. Ill do some sides Wednesday evening before work I guess. The turkey (20 pounds) takes about 6 hours but I think she wanted me to do it because she didn't want to pay for it. Every time we go there she is disappointed that we leave before midnight- she routinely stays up until 4 am. I just don't drag my kids around in the middle of the night. If it was at my home they could go to bed when needed and I'm used to hosting all the time.

zaq

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 9:56 am

Your dc, come first. If your sister in law can't understand that you must leave to get your children to bed at a decent hour, too bad. Your children's well being comes before your sister in law's socializing. And if she can't understand that you work night shift and can't socialize the way day shift people do, double too bad. Let someone else walk her dog.

But I'm confuzzed: If your sil who is hosting lives across the street from you, why will it take you an hour to get there? Why can't your sil make dinner earlier in the day, esp if she has to work that night? what does your mil being in town or oot have to do with anything?

If you're talking about two or maybe even three different sisters in law, how about skipping the pronouns and assigning fake names so readers can follow your cast of characters? Call them sil A,B and C or Esther, Schwester and Lester.

Cheiny

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:23 am

westchestermom wrote:

Ridiculous that she expected you to cook and then shlep the 20 lb turkey! That’s up to the hostess!

Rutabaga

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:27 am

Is there a possibility of sleeping over at your in laws? If so, then maybe go early enough to put up the turkey and then take a nap so you won't be so tired the rest of the day. And you can put your kids to bed there at a reasonable hour.

If you can't sleep over then definitely don't stay until midnight because that's really ridiculous. Can you change your kids into pjs when they get tired and find somewhere for them to sleep for a while and then transfer them to the car for the ride home?

zaq

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:43 am

So who is the person who stays up till 4 am? Who is telling OP to make the turkey? What relevance does the sil across the street have if OP is going to her mil? OP, forgive me, but your post is so garbled and full of extraneous information that I can't make head or tail out of it. Applause to the mind readers who can.

westchestermom

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:51 am

My mother in law is the one who stays up late and wanted me to cook. My point about my sister in law is that if we had thanksgiving at my place, everyone could spend more time together. We work 15 minutes from home, so we could all be together from 3 to after 8 pm when she has to go to work. Now that we're all traveling, sister in law has to leave dinner by 7 pm, I won't arrive until 5 pm, and we're all stressed out over a quick 2 hour family dinner rather than a relaxing long evening. Since my brother in law is recovering and can't drive, sister in law has to take him plus sister in law number 2 to take care of him and the dog before she can even go to work.

I wish we could sleep over but its not an option. The kids may possibly fall asleep for a nap. I guess I'm the cranky tired one more than them.

westchestermom

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 10:54 am

I edited the post, I was up in the middle of the night because working nights is ruining my sleep and I wasn't awake enough to make sense, sorry. I can see how it was confusing.

MiracleMama

Tue, Nov 13 2018, 11:05 am

I really feel for you, OP. I have a MIL with many good qualities, but who often makes holidays stressful and unpleasant because she tries to keep everyone together for hours and hours and hours. It's not normal. Particularly staying until all hours of the night with kids is super not normal and there is nothing wrong with leaving at a normal time.
Glad you got out of making and schlepping the turkey. That's crazy. Bring a side or two and if that too is stressful nothing wrong with picking up from the store. Keep life as simple and stress free as you can. And focus on the good things about going to MIL... like at least no mess to clean up at home.

westchestermom

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 12:37 am

I would totally have let anyone sleep over who wanted, but I think everyone is tired of coming to my house. My mother in law comes often because there is no way she would see the kids multiple times a week if she didn't. But she prefers everyone go to her and she knows special occasions are the only times she can push for me to actually pack everyone up and go to her. Actually my husband told her we would buy a sugar-free dessert because she turned down my offer of a homemade apple crisp. She complained it makes her blood sugar go up, but meanwhile I've seen her buy full sugar pies and eat half of one herself! I guess I just got used to the tradition of this being the only holiday I make by myself each year and I'm a little sad that it got taken over now that she'll be around.

gold21

Wed, Nov 14 2018, 9:56 am

I'm taken aback by a number of the details you shared regarding your family dynamics.

I would like to suggest that no matter what is going on in the family, you put the well being of your children first & foremost. Fancy food is unnecessary- all that's needed is enough filling tasty nutritious food to fill everyone up. And try to get the kids to sleep at a decent hour.

Good Luck.