Unpopular Opinions

SuperWify

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 4:43 pm

adding to my points- instead of calling it mandatory- I’d say very strongly recommended.

For those saying rabbonim won’t let - I spoke with my Rav two years after I got married and he said nowadays he recommends this to his chassanim. Bother that this was only two years after my marriage.

tsc3

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 5:09 pm

Cheiny wrote:

So how do you explain all the choshuve rabbis who live in the US? Are they all wrong?

I don't think they are there taking advantage of the gashmius. They're there because that's where they need to be right now.
Its very different than all the Americans who talk down about Israel/Israelis and would never live in our chosen land because they're too comfortable.

ccwife

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 5:20 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

So here will be an unpopular opinion: Yes, they are wrong. They should be telling their communities to come to Eretz Yisrael.

Or the other side of the same coin is that right now, thats where they believe they need to be.

What about all the people doing kiruv, starting yeshivos in cities where there is little to no Jewish education or opening kollels to educate unaffiliated Jews and involve them in Torah learning? We should ignore the hundreds of thousands of Jews in the US who need us?

(Seriously asking, as I am part of a "sect" of Jews -not Chabad- who believes this to be how one should live their life after kollel. As oppose to people who belive that learning forever is the ultimate ideal, in that case it can be asked why it has to be here.)

sky

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 5:45 pm

allthingsblue wrote:

What about 3 years, a happy medium?

. No. 3 is hard. At 1 1/2 - 2 they are too young to care there is a sibling and on a similar schedule. At 5 they are so excited to have a sibling and old enough to help.
At 3 year the older one is just old enough to realize she is no longer the baby and to also able to express her displeasure.
And having your 3rd kid when your oldest is 9 can bring its own set of adjustments.

I’m not saying breaks aren’t wonderful. They are and there are benefits for parents and kids. But thinking there is a perfect magic break number of years is a mistake.

allthingsblue

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 6:39 pm

sky wrote:

My 3 year old was very excited to have a sibling because he was very lonely without one. He was also the of enough to bring diapers, and to know not to touch the baby. So it worked very well for us.
On that schedule, technically the third kid would be born when the oldest is 6. (Oldest six, middle is 3, baby is 0.)

allthingsblue

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 6:43 pm

SuperWify wrote:

I had my baby exactly a year after I got married. Shana rishona was extremely difficult as I adjusting to being both a wife and soon a mother. Lots of my friends where in the same boat. BH it all worked out but believe me life could have been much easier. (Nowadays we make up by having “Shana rishona” every night after baby does to sleep. Whether we go out or even stay in- most nights- play a game or watch a movie or just talk , it’s a great time to bond. It may be crazy that DH isn’t by night Seder to half of Lakewood but Sorry to with all them other jealous wives...)

Anyway my point is, that not every 18 year old (although I was older- it by wasn’t much...) is ready for a baby the minute she puts on a wig🙄

And yes some woman can go year after year producing another child and I’m in awe of them. However, there are a lot of other woman rgat simply can’t do that- because they’re human and normal- but unfortunately feel like they too must be on the baby race because look at chani - her youngest is 6 months old, she pregnant again and her “big” one is 18 months.. while my baby's *gasp* is already a year I must start tying again...

So my experience was a bit odd. After we got married I was niddah more often than not. I was bleeding after s-x each time. So when I got pregnant right away (a month after we got married) I was relieved because I thought now there's no way my husband will divorce me (I had heard that if the wife bleeds every time the husband could divorce her). I know this logically doesn't make sense but it was a relief to me at the time embarrassed

allthingsblue

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 6:50 pm

My opinions are probably popular with women here, but are not popular with many people in my community and family in real life:
Comfort trumps style/fashion.
Long wigs look silly and fake.
When you don't want to wash dishes on yom tov, use nice disposables.
Kids shouldn't look like magazine models. Why start the materialism at such a young age?
Bar mitzvah kiddushes for the women (with fancy cakes and decor) are a waste of money.
Gum chewing is not polite.
Puffy metallic coats make you look heavy.

OBnursemom

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 6:51 pm

I hate wearing black.
I don’t get the point of Bugaboos (not nice strollers, just this brand)
Making your kids help around the house is not child abuse.
I fully support going back to the 1950s, so I don’t have to be expected to go to work and raise children at the same time.
Buying 7 matching dresses to the tune of $50 each is silly. What is your wardrobe budget?
I hate shaitels. Mine separates in the back every time I put it on, and I look like a freak.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 1:40 am

ccwife wrote:

I did write, that on the other side of the same coin, many believe that that is where they need to be right now.

imasoftov

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 3:44 am

Cheiny wrote:

And the Torah tells us that eisav sonei et Yaakov

"The Torah" (I loathe "The Torah", not the book chas veshalom, but the expression, tell us where or go to the library and find out) tells us that Esav the person hated Yaakov the person, and in the very place it says that (for example Sifrei Bamidbar 69 although there are many parallel versions) it says that this one time Esav was overcome with mercy (it's the contrasting opinion that the kiss was insincere). There are drashot on the midrash (nothing wrong with that) based on the use of the word "halacha" but that may be a copying error, it could be that the original text said הלא ("is it not") rather than הלכה and either could have been shortened to 'הל and then expanded into the other.

gingertop

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 4:46 am

imasoftov wrote:

I think a better phrase to describe what Cheiny was trying to - how antisemitism is ubiquitous and always with an ever changing face- would be בכל דור ודור עומדים עלינו לכלותינו.

gingertop

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 4:53 am

Another unpopular opinion that I have, which I didn't think was unpopular, is that Jews should not carry water for antisemites. There's always a "legitimate grievance" at the heart of hatred. The serfs in Russia hated the well to do money lenders and the Germans hated that their country was flooded by Polish Jews. Father Coughlin was worried about Jewish bolsheviks.
We don't have to justify the ethnic cleansing of 800,000 Sephardic Jews. They did no wrong, had no connection to the skirmishes in Palestine, and justifying the pogroms and intimidation that made the vast majority of them lose their homes is despicable.
Arab antisemitism should not get a pass. Black antisemitism should not get a pass. Alt-Right antisemitism should not get a pass. We should not tolerate it and we should not justify it.

dankbar

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 6:15 am

Ginger top I thought its pretty obvious that Jews side with the Jews & not against, but seems like some have differing opinions here.

Smart teacher. I always wondered why we can't incorporate study times during school hours for the girls just like they do for the boys. My son brings home chumash translation papers to study at home but its not like a must with parents Sig to send back next day. An entire day he's drilling that. Comes home needs to unwind. Usually after unwinding, playing & supper....when he needs to go to bed already he would study with my hub because he likes the private attention & wants to delay bedtime. They don't get marked, no tests, no report cards on it, no punishment if you didn't do the homework. It's not official. It's just a bonus that if they want to know it better at end of week....

Ruchel

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 7:40 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Huh? Ruchel, this might very extremely unpopular, but when someone makes aliyah, they need to come with a financial plan, not hope that people will pay for them for everything...........

Yes, I agree 100%. Yet for some people there is NO plan that can give them the life they want in Israel. So if we want them to move anyway, we have to pay. Or accept they are their own person with their own choice. If they are ok with their rav, then they are right.