Which mesivta takes cool boys and they end up yeshivish?

Rappel

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 1:45 am

Just posting here to high-five the OP. It can't be easy for her to see her son rebelling, but she is willing to give him whatever he needs to do well, and even labels his behavior as "cool" in private, instead of any number of negative terms she might have used. Kol hakavod!

amother

Crimson

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 9:56 am

amother wrote:

I think he might be a good candidate for one of the Chofetz Chaim branches. WITS in Milwakee, MTI in St. Louis, PTI in Vacouver come to mind. I don't think the Miami branch takes too many dorm boys for high school so probably not that one. There are more branches too, including one in Staten Island, if you are looking for the TriState area.

I always remembered there is a branch in Boca which might be a good fit for him as well. Definitely worth looking into if you are willing to send out of town.

amother

Coral

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 10:11 am

I'm the one whose son ended up doing very well in Chaim Berlin. Just want to throw out that one name that came up that he spoke very highly of (and had friends at) was Calabasas, just outside of LA. It wasn't right in our case (we wanted to keep DS in-town if at all possible), but it sounds like an excellent program with the mix that OP is looking for.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 10:15 am

amother wrote:

My son is going through a stage ( I hope it’s a stage)
He’s trying to be a bit rebellious and wants to be cool.
We are yeshivish and understand that we have to let him figure things out on his own to a certain extent
He is capable of learning well but doesn’t want to apply himself these days.
Trying to find a high school for him. Don’t want to send him to a place with all cool boys..., but can’t send him somewhere where he’ll feel stifled.
Need a yeshiva that can handle boys going through this stage but they turn out fine at the end.
Does such a place exist?

The first thing I think you should do is stop referring to behavior which you obviously disapprove of, as “cool.” This sends mixed messages to your son as if it’s a positive thing. While he and his friends may call it cool or think it is, you do not and shouldn’t use that term. Rebellion is not cool.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 10:16 am

amother wrote:

Try Rabbi Walletstrin’s yeshiva, our yitzchok.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 10:27 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

You really need to be honest with yourself and think about what you really want...

Do you want your son to be a carbon copy of you and follow your derech to the exclusion of all else or are you more concerned that he has a happy, healthy, productive life.

If it is the first, maybe consider Neemus HaTorah in Baltimore, or any of the so called "Chiller" places in Lakewood.. He will go through high school, and hopefully when he is 19/20 and has no solid education or career path, he can be "encouraged" to behave and play the game , especially if you have money... Often, when is in his late 20s, he realizes that he really wants to be like his family...

OTOH, if it second and he is a very smart boy, I would look into a place like TABC.. It might be your hashkafa exactly, but they will give him an excellent education and self-esteem..

In the end, he can be "cool", with an education, career path and a life... Or he can be "cool", and in the street, Chas V Shalom...

. Being on the street isn’t cool and I wish people would stop referring to bad behavior or rebellion as cool.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 10:42 am

OP you really need to define what are the behaviors that you define as "cool." There is such a huge range of what people will think that the suggestions are all over the place. I think most yeshivish ppl in Lakewood would call my son "cool" and the only thing he does is like to wear clothing with a little more style than the norm. He goes to a more chilled out yeshiva, learns extra with a chavrusah, learns on his own all the time, and likes to read secular crime novels and watch a ball game every now and then. To me its fine, totally normal and not a big deal and anyone from outside the Lakewood community can easily identify him as a frum orthodox Jew. In Lakewood, though, its "cool" with a frown. Sometimes the problem isn't a kid being cool, its that you might have to expand your horizons a bit...

amother

Aqua

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 11:15 am

Every parent raises their children how they think best. Seems to me the OP is keeping an open mind and looking for a place where her son can thrive and be the best him. With the hope that he will end up turning out like the family in the end. I’m going to assume that’s what most parents hopes are, whichever end of the spectrum you are on.

amother

Coral

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 11:29 am

One other really important thing to look into: Many yeshivos that have a reputation for catering to a "cooler" crowd have serious issues with drugs, smoking, drinking, and sometimes Chillul Shabbos. When investigating potential options, make sure you find out what kind of crowd it attracts, to make sure they don't end up pulling down your sweet innocent son with them.

gold21

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 12:24 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Agreed. I think there's also a Chofetz Chaim location in Rochester.

amother

Charcoal

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 12:34 am

amother [ Darkblue ] wrote:

Lancaster yeshiva

I looked into it for my son, I don’t think it exists anymore.
My some is in 9th grade in tiferes shmuel (the high school of Ohr Yitzchok, which I believe is beis medrash)
It’s in Brooklyn, so maybe that won’t work for the person who bumped this thread.
I also want to mention belle harbor, eatontown, and Waterbury, only because I don’t know where your son falls, so I don’t know if any of them would be worth looking into.
Chofetz Chaim in Miami (actually in North Miami Beach) which was mentioned DOES have a high school dorm, but I don’t think their thing is dealing with out of town boys who are going through stuff.
There’s a great new-ish yeshiva, also in NMB, called yeshiva of Miami, but I don’t know their situation for out of town boys.

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 12:49 am

Chofetz Chaim places aren’t going to take a kid like your son, and he wouldn’t like them anyway because they’re not “cool.”

Have you considered Y High in Cleveland? Yeshivahigh.org. Or there’s a similar place in Baltimore I think. My son is a few years older so I don’t have current info.

amother

Snowdrop

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 1:25 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

(I don't think Neimus Hatorah is the right fit for such a boy.)
A lot of these suggestions seem to be for kids who can't sit still or are not so yeshivish and don't seem so on the mark to me.

By rebellious do you mean slacking in halachic observance, or do you mean slacking in school and dressing cool? Very different scenarios.

I would look for a smaller yeshiva that the rabbeim can work with the boy and make a kesher with him and also overlook some of the externals that don't really affect a boy's yiddishkeit. I actually have been looking into yeshivos for my son, but for other factors but it could be that some of what I heard could help you.

For example, Minneapolis came highly, highly recommended. We know a few of the rabbeim, really top notch. They are smaller and form a kesher with the boys and the boys are good boys. But I was told they have a more "with it/cool" crowd which may work in your favor. (It doesn't for me because my son is not with it, and needs a smaller yeshiva for other reasons Smile

)

I know this is old but I was going to write similar that neemos hatorah doesn't sound at all like the right fit. From what I know the boys have learning issues and it's not cool kids.
I think Minneapolis might be a good idea.
There's also a place in Miami I don't know much abt it though

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 2:21 am

Minneapolis isn’t going to take a boy who has an attitude. It’s a very well regarded oot mesivta that’s hard to get into because so many families want a solid yeshivish lite option. It’s not for boys who are struggling or rebelling.

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 4:42 am

This post is a few years old. At the time, it wasn't as hard to get into and op never clarified what she meant by rebelling, if it was just being cool vs straight laced.

At this point, I don't think someone with a similar situation will find it the best option.

If the new poster wants to describe her son and his needs a little more, maybe the wise women on this forum can help suggest relevant options.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 8:46 am

My son is not really rebelling rather struggling...he has been going to reg yeshiva mainstream schools...unfortunately he got bullied many times over his elementary years and never got accepted by his yeshivish peers...now he is trying to be "cool" hoping to get accepted by the more open minded crowd...therefore I think if we would find a solid frum, not yeshivish, very warm, loving and accepting small oot place that would be ideal.
TIA