Neighbours toddler screaming at night

33055

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 9:30 am

SuperWify wrote:

My baby would not go to bed. DH and I were at our wits ends.

We used the CIO method. He’d cry for about 20 minutes and fall asleep. Every day after less and less. BH it worked very nicely. After a few weeks he was able to self soothe.

Once in the middle of the process I was away for shabbos and all DH aunts and his mother were screaming at me that I’m cruel. My mil went so far to take the baby out of his crib. She said I can’t leave a baby crying.

Op and all other do gooders of the world- leave each mom and dad to make the right decision for their child.

OP is also entitled to make the best decision for her kids. If she doesn't think them being woken at midnight and kept up for 2.5 hours by a screaming neighbor, then she can say something to the neighbor. If there is a repeat, then she should go to management.

A screaming child is louder than a live rock concert by 20 decibels. Would you think OP was in the wrong if she asked a neighbor to lower rock music playing for 2.5 hours at midnight?

OP is on the right here. The neighbor is not entiled to disturb others in the middle of the night. I don't know where OP is, but she probably has the law on her side.

ectomorph

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 10:05 am

She for sure does not have the law on her side. Parents sleep training a baby in their own home are not going to get much trouble from the police.

The same way you cant call the police on the people upstairs for walking around loudly late at night.

Squishy you clearly haven't lived in an apartment building for a lot of years. I've had babies crying people walking doing laundry using a mixer vacuuming. Its not nice but its not illegal.

amother

Peach

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 10:08 am

Op here
I understand all of u who are pro or against letting babies cry it out . I'm against it and I do suffer from children sleeping with me in bed sometimes but my approach is showering the children with love . They stop at a certain age.

My neighbour text me this morning explaining that she's trying to wean her baby off the formula bottle . I think it's a wrong thing to do right before giving birth . She's planning to send her toddler out to a family member for 2 weeks after giving birth . I think the toddler can use a bottle as comfort . But I'm not mixing in
She asked me if she woke up my entire family. I haven't texted back because I'm not mixing in to her approach .
I only hope that tonight will be easier for both sides of the wall .

SuperWify

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 10:19 am

amother wrote:

Superwify, it's not mentchlich to let a child cry it out when a guest at someone's home.
Its also not mentchlich let your child cry it out for hours on end in middle of the night when you live in an apartment building. Letting a child cry at bedtime is understandable, but after midnight its just rude and not considerate.

Your right. I have slept places where baby wouldn’t sleep and DH stayed up all night with him.

But I was in the basement of my in laws house it was about 8 and no one was sleeping yet. I don’t think that’s a problem....

Chayalle

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 10:19 am

My kids would never have learned to go to sleep had I not done something about it. Sheer exhaustion on my part and DH pushed us to do something.

Personally, I prefer the Ferber method to the CIO method, because you feel like you are trying to do something for your kid, and not just abandoning them to scream for hours on end. The idea is, you keep going in to the child at various intervals to let them know you are there for them, you just don't take them out of the crib and you make it clear to them that they have to go to sleep.

However, to a neighbor, it probably sounds the same as the CIO method.

None of my kids ever screamed for hours on end, though. It took maybe an hour the first night, and progressively less and less.....

Chayalle

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 10:21 am

amother wrote:

They have their reasons for doing it now. This sounds rather judgemental. You don't know all the reasons why this works for her right now, even if it might not be your way.

Many times there are things we do before birth because it works for us then. I remember that I night-trained my oldest and moved her to a bed when I was in my 9th month with my 2nd. It just made sense for me, right then and there, for alot of reasons.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 10:26 am

By the time a baby reaches toddlerhood, you've missed the sleep training boat. You sleep train a one year old, it's much harder to sleep train a 2 year old. I think if a 2 year old still wakes at night, there must be a reason why.

SuperWify

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 10:28 am

Sebastian wrote:

Superwify 20 min is not an hr and a half multiple times in the middle of the night

Yes. And I completely understand op for getting frustrated. That being said, she cant make their child rearing decisions for them.

Sebastian

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 10:29 am

If it s disturbing the neighbors and waking their kids then they need to rethink their childrearing methods imo.

Letting a kid cio at 7 is ok
Past midnight is not if it ll wake the neighbors

33055

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 11:03 am

ectomorph wrote:

There are noise ordinances where I live. Sounds above a certain decibel are not allowed after a certain time.

A baby periodically crying wouldn't bother me enough to have a conversation with its mother. A baby screaming for 2.5 hours in the middle of the night waking up my kids is a situation I would address. If the mother wouldn't cooperate, then I would escalate how I would address the situation. I would do whatever I could to prevent my children from being up in the middle of the night due to noise.

You can't blame a mom for advocating for her children.

Chayalle

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 11:09 am

amother wrote:

Yeah, but the reason can be pretty simplistic....I nursed my kids for 18-21 months, and never managed to get out of the night feedings. As long as I was nursing, I was getting up at night, sometimes several times. I never managed to sleep-train any of my kids until I weaned them.

So my toddler crying at night being sleep-trained was not for any deep psychological reason.

I also found that kids can regress....for example, one of my kids had the flu at age 2 1/2, and I was up with her every night...once she got better, I had to totally re-train her for sleeping, since she had once again gotten used to being up at night.

If you think there must be a "reason" why a 2-year-old wakes up at night, count your blessings. Not all of us have such easy night kids.

33055

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 11:10 am

SuperWify wrote:

Yes. And I completely understand op for getting frustrated. That being said, she cant make their child rearing decisions for them.

She isn't making their child rearing decisions for the neighbor. She is making them for her own kids. She has no interest in how the mom quiets the baby that screams for 2.5 hours. But 2.5 hours at midnight is unacceptable.

gamanit

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 11:43 am

I do "kvetch" it out; I take care of the kids needs and if the kid is "kvetching" then I'll let them kvetch as long as they want. If they cry I'll give it between 1-5 minutes before taking them out and calming them down again. I do put them back in the crib again and again and again though until eventually they kvetch themselves to sleep. After a while they learn to settle themselves without kvetching.

heidi

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 12:22 pm

amother wrote:

This!!
I sleep trained my 9-12 month olds with the pediatrician's blessing and approval. But the whole point is that they are young enough to be sleep trained. A toddler screaming for hours night after night is being emotionally neglected. If he finally learns not to scream it will be because he's given up on his parents answering his needs. NOT bcz. he's sleep trained.

Sunny Days

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 5:52 pm

Its a hard call.
Lets see how many nights ops neighbor will scream. one night even for a while (while not my method) is I think ok.
giving in to the child also has its repercussions.
you can't know for what reason the child was crying and how often the parents went in to try and calm kid down. it does sound different through the wall when you cant see if/how much intervention was given to child.

Hopefully child is not being scarred for life!
Wishing you a peaceful, quiet night op!

Sunny Days

Wed, Nov 21 2018, 5:56 pm

heidi wrote:

A toddler though understands more. so if mommy or totty comes in every now & then & says how much s/he is loved & gives a kiss etc but now its sleepy time & you'll come out of your bed when its not dark anymore etc. may be stubborn for a couple of nights and cry and scream to get parents to give in, but I don't think there's emotional neglect.
Again, it all depends how its done. we don't know what was going on behind neighbors closed doors.