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Does anyone really have a good life?
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Mommyg8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 28 2018, 7:46 am
pause wrote:
I absolutely believe that some people do have a good life. There are people who don't have any major nisyonos. It's not only about attitude. Someone suffering will feel better by thinking that they're not the only one suffering, so even if they don't see others' problems, they feel better thinking that they have problems.

Now, don't get me wrong. Every person is here on this world to fulfill a tafkid. Everyone has spiritual work to do. But for some people, Hashem decides to give them objectively harder circumstances for them to accomplish their task, and other people get an easier set of circumstances.

We don't know or understand why some people have to suffer more to fulfill their purpose here. But it's naive to think that everyone has something major they're suffering with - even with a cloth laundry bag. Tzaddik v'ra lo and rasha v'tov lo is a discussion as old as our existence.


I agree with this 100%.

I really do know people who objectively have much harder lives than me.

Some examples (I'm going to be a bit vague because we're on a public thread:

Mr. A. Not born particularly bright, had a hard time in school, and had an even harder time finding his place in life. Finally got married at 35, had two kids, but his wife was mentally ill and they got divorced. His children were brought up in foster homes. They did not have a good experience. Got married again to someone wildly unsuitable, was divorced within a few months. Never got married again. Struggled with finding jobs, being able to keep a job, lived in dire poverty and has numerous health issues besides.

Mrs. B. Born into a large and dysfunctional family, she was abused by a family member for many years, was finally taken away and adopted by another family. Her new parents did not turn out too much better. She finally got married but he was extremely abusive due to mental illness, she got divorced pretty quickly and then lived alone rasing her child on minimum wage for many years. She was too traumatized by her experiences to be able to maintain normal relationships and she has only one or two friends. Add this up - no family, no friends, supporting herself and her son on minimum wage - literally nothing. She was recently diagnosed with cancer (she's young) and I hope she has a refuah shelaima very soon.

I know plenty more stories, I could spend another hour writing them up. Objectively, there really are people who have very, very hard lives.

And then I know people who were - almost literally - born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Talent, charisma, beauty, brains, money, the right family, are happily married, have reasonably successful kids - and like pause said, they're not really hiding any deep, dark secrets. These people really do exist.

Personally, I think my life has been somewhere in the middle. I have had some very serious challenges in my life, but on the other hand I have also received - completely matnas chinam - a huge amount of blessings. So I think my life is somewhere in the middle.

But I do think that there are people who really are objectively on the bottom or on the top of the tzaras pile.
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 28 2018, 8:01 am
amother wrote:
I think some people have it much worse than others. They seems to have one excruciating hardship piled on top of another and it just doesn't stop, the pile keeps growing and toppling.

Yes. This.

They can be positive and optimistic etc etc and someone who has everything can still be focused on the small "problems" which to them are nearly insurmountable. But that doesn't change the facts that they do have more problems.
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Wed, Nov 28 2018, 8:21 am
We dont know everyone's life from beg to end.
Some might struggle now & others enjoy. ( we don't always know, but seems like it) Then later things reverse the ones that were struggling are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel & others fall into the pit. Whatever we see at a given moment, is not the complete picture ( both ways full truth or long term vision)

One might be rich one day & next day lose his money. One can be a pauper & win the lottery the next.

Everyone struggles at some point.

I see by my classmates, the ones that were the quiet ones, barely noticed during school years are now successful ones. One such, leads every endeavor in my class today. One quiet one, her hub is a principal of a cheder today. One her hub is administrator of a yeshiva. Some have many friends today or made it financially even if they were struggling in school socially or academically.

Where as, otoh the loud mouths, popular girls that everyone was jealous of who were leaders in class or picked to head every event, the rich ones.....barely anybody cares today what they have to say...they have no voice....minimal friends....they suffer their own troubles.....

The valecdetorians in school don't necessarily have the top kids
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SmileNow




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 28 2018, 8:36 am
amother wrote:
Me too.
I think this way too.
Seems almost cruel to bring a sweet neshama into this world of confusion and pain and suffering.
I surrender to hashem, and daven anyway for a child....we need moshiach.
Feeling beat up


I once learned something very beautiful that helped my viewpoint.
Q:Why bring so many children into the world, when they use up so much energy and resources???
A: are we looking at children as givers or taker? IF we are looking at children as super-needy, then we focus on the lack they bring to the world, why bring about more lack to the world.
-> or we can look at it, with some effort, that children are givers. So yes they are born into a world of confusion and pain. But they can give. We can raise our children as givers of clarity and joy. With this mindset, how can we not bring givers of beautiful potential clarity and joy into a world of confusion and pain. Now its up to us to show the next generation how to give, and we can only do that by giving. We need Mashiach, and we need to get there, and we can by giving in a way that enables others to give.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Wed, Nov 28 2018, 10:24 am
Thank you OP for this thread. Crying Crying

Going through a rough patch in life right now and finding this to be very validating
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 29 2018, 8:55 am
amother wrote:
We dont know everyone's life from beg to end.
Some might struggle now & others enjoy. ( we don't always know, but seems like it) Then later things reverse the ones that were struggling are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel & others fall into the pit. Whatever we see at a given moment, is not the complete picture ( both ways full truth or long term vision)

One might be rich one day & next day lose his money. One can be a pauper & win the lottery the next.

Everyone struggles at some point.

I see by my classmates, the ones that were the quiet ones, barely noticed during school years are now successful ones. One such, leads every endeavor in my class today. One quiet one, her hub is a principal of a cheder today. One her hub is administrator of a yeshiva. Some have many friends today or made it financially even if they were struggling in school socially or academically.

Where as, otoh the loud mouths, popular girls that everyone was jealous of who were leaders in class or picked to head every event, the rich ones.....barely anybody cares today what they have to say...they have no voice....minimal friends....they suffer their own troubles.....

The valecdetorians in school don't necessarily have the top kids


Everything that you say is true.

Yet it's also possible to see the popular girls in a class continue being successful in life with good kids and great jobs etc etc. and the nebs in the class continue suffering in life. I've seen such.

There's no point in trying to make it even steven and convincing yourself that everyone suffer if not now then at some other point - "I'm suffering now, but neh neh kish kish, you're gonna suffer later..." Or, when you see someone who is outwardly successful, you convince yourself that "Oh, they probably don't have shalom bayis" or "who knows what secret problems they are hiding?"

To me it's an immature perspective. It's possible that they have SB and parnassah and good kids and health too. Yes, some people sail through life with easier nisyonos than others. Why? We don't know. Trying to make sense of it is painful. There are answers, but here on this world, we don't have them. All we can do is accept the life we were given and not look around so much at others.
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spice




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 29 2018, 9:42 am
amother wrote:
I struggle with this very much when I think about bringing another child into the world.
I’m very grateful for the much good in my life Baruch HaShem, but to bring new life into this works of suffering and unknown, I just have a hard time justifying it.
I’m always feeling bad when new babies are born (and I haven’t own babies).


Check out this forum: https://okclarity.com/forums/t.....-5503
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amother
Olive


 

Post Thu, Nov 29 2018, 10:58 am
When I’m an old lady towards the end of my life, I’ll be able to asses whether I had a good life or not.
What currently seems like unbearable challenges may seem trivial in retrospect.

On a side note, telling someone to change their attitude and think positively comes across as condescending and a way of minimizing someone else’s pain. It’s fine to work on oneself to be more optimistic, but please don’t invalidate another’s pain by telling them to “be more positive”.
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