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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Would you assume your children are invited
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If the invitation is addressed to Mr and Mrs
I assume only me and my husband are invited  
 94%  [ 347 ]
I assume my children are invited as well  
 2%  [ 11 ]
I know it means just me and my husband but I bring my children anyways  
 1%  [ 5 ]
Other (please explain)  
 1%  [ 4 ]
Total Votes : 367



essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 3:56 am
When I got married I specifically put & family on the invitations when I wanted the kids to attend.
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Metukah




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 4:08 am
Amelia Bedelia wrote:
Strange


Me or her?

LOL

We just got used to her. It's a shame because the rest of the siblings are extremely close, to the point that when my other siblings will marry off kids all our children will be flower girls, page boys. The baal Simcha would be offended if not.

If it was her family they would all be invited with their kids and grandkids, but her family live abroad. (There were still more members of her family at the wedding than of ours; she's married to my brother, because so many of them travelled in. Her family is huge, we're a smallish famy).

The only one who loses out because of her behaviour is her kids who don't get to be a part of our amazing family.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 4:09 am
Also in Israel, Torani. IME:

Americans in Israel tend to make their weddings at night, and don't expect children unless expressly invited.

Israelis in Israel tend to make their weddings during the day, would be surprised and possibly hurt if you left your children at home.

Guess which weddings I choose go to... Wink
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ROFL




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 6:23 am
When my daughter recently got married during day time hours she invited everyone and children. It was a wonderful happy time for all .
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 6:47 am
For a sibling or someone really close to you, I would question. Other than that, I would assume the kids weren't invited.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 7:44 am
ROFL wrote:
When my daughter recently got married during day time hours she invited everyone and children. It was a wonderful happy time for all .


Mazel tov!!!!!
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 9:18 am
To me it matters how closely related I am with the baal simcha. If I am closely related and it's a wedding, I reserve the right to bring my children even if it doesn't say "and family" simply because they don't eat a meal (or they share with me) and it's not like the atmosphere of the wedding will be ruined by one or two extra kids. If it's a bar mitzvah or sheva brachos, I ask the baal simcha if any kids are invited because portions are more accounted for, there might not be a kids table, and the baal simcha might not want kids there to "ruin" the elegant atmosphere of the simcha.

If I'm not closely related, I don't even think of bringing my kids!

That being said, I have relatives who always bring all their kids regardless of the simcha or the invitation. By now it's a given, if you invite this couple, their kids come along. They don't think kids ruin a simcha's ambiance and in fact when they make a simcha, there are more children than adults... so it's definitely also a family culture if kids are generally welcome or not.
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amother
Red


 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 9:23 am
pause wrote:
To me it matters how closely related I am with the baal simcha. If I am closely related and it's a wedding, I reserve the right to bring my children even if it doesn't say "and family" simply because they don't eat a meal (or they share with me) and it's not like the atmosphere of the wedding will be ruined by one or two extra kids. If it's a bar mitzvah or sheva brachos, I ask the baal simcha if any kids are invited because portions are more accounted for, there might not be a kids table, and the baal simcha might not want kids there to "ruin" the elegant atmosphere of the simcha.

If I'm not closely related, I don't even think of bringing my kids!

That being said, I have relatives who always bring all their kids regardless of the simcha or the invitation. By now it's a given, if you invite this couple, their kids come along. They don't think kids ruin a simcha's ambiance and in fact when they make a simcha, there are more children than adults... so it's definitely also a family culture if kids are generally welcome or not.


Sorry but I have to disagree that anyone has a right to bring any uninvited child (other than nursing baby). If you feel strongly that it's appropriate for your kids to be there, and that it doesn't affect the atmosphere of cause the host more expense, still run it by them and get an okay. I'd feel very upset if I invited couples only and they brought their kids anyhow. Even if they were close to me. Even if it didn't cost me. If I wanted the kids, I'd invite the kids.
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 9:34 am
amother wrote:
Sorry but I have to disagree that anyone has a right to bring any uninvited child (other than nursing baby). If you feel strongly that it's appropriate for your kids to be there, and that it doesn't affect the atmosphere of cause the host more expense, still run it by them and get an okay. I'd feel very upset if I invited couples only and they brought their kids anyhow. Even if they were close to me. Even if it didn't cost me. If I wanted the kids, I'd invite the kids.

So I guess it boils down to family culture, as I posted in the last paragraph of my last post. I know that if an aunt or sister-in-law of mine marries off a child, and doesn't write "and family" that they would have no problem if I bring some kids. I'm not going to parade in with 10 kids (I don't have that many anyway!), but one or two, they would think it's strange that I ask. If I did think they would have a problem with it (some do make more elegant affairs), then I simply wouldn't bring them; I wouldn't even ask.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 11:27 am
OP here, I have a question for the 5 people who voted "I assume it means my children as well"
why do you assume so? and would you assume your children were invited if it was NOT a family simcha? Like if someone from shul or around the block made a simcha would you bring your whole family along even though the invitation was only addressed Mr. and Mrs.

FYI I am in total agreement with the 150+ who voted that they assume it only means them and their spouse. I started this thread because I am trying to understand why people would bring along children to a simcha when I only addressed the invite Mr. and Mrs. and I am not talking about family, these are random people
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amother
Red


 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 11:33 am
amother wrote:
OP here, I have a question for the 5 people who voted "I assume it means my children as well"
why do you assume so? and would you assume your children were invited if it was NOT a family simcha? Like if someone from shul or around the block made a simcha would you bring your whole family along even though the invitation was only addressed Mr. and Mrs.

FYI I am in total agreement with the 150+ who voted that they assume it only means them and their spouse. I started this thread because I am trying to understand why people would bring along children to a simcha when I only addressed the invite Mr. and Mrs. and I am not talking about family, these are random people


Some have expressed it's cultural. I don't disbelieve this. I just don't understand why if you're in a culture where that's the thing done, they don't just write "Cohen Family" or "Mr. & Mrs. Cohen and family" instead of "Mr. & Mrs. Cohen". But okay, for some it's cultural.

But for others, sorry to be so cynical, but I think they just either feel entitled or find it easier to take the family along for free food then to find and pay for a sitter.

We made a very upscale party last year and I was very specific how I addressed invites to adults only and even wrote in bold ADULTS ONLY and still people asked if they can bring their kids. NO. And those that I thought were the type that might just bring them anyhow I had my husband call to emphasize adults only.
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 30 2018, 11:47 am
If anyone clearly states adults only, or even if I just think they would mind if my kids come, then I wouldn't bring them.

I was only saying I'd bring them when I know the person doesn't mind because I'm close enough to know how they feel. Why they don't write and family? Maybe because they don't want me to feel obligated to bring my kids. I know someone told me that if her kids see "and family" on an invitation, they assume they'll be going. So she omits it from her invitations and leaves it up to the parents to decide whom they want to bring along.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Sat, Dec 01 2018, 4:15 pm
In.my family it was a mistake. In my DH family his cousins do sometimes because they feel its more important to pay and filler up for friends. Gotta respect
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Sat, Dec 01 2018, 4:45 pm
amother wrote:
OP here, I have a question for the 5 people who voted "I assume it means my children as well"
why do you assume so? and would you assume your children were invited if it was NOT a family simcha? Like if someone from shul or around the block made a simcha would you bring your whole family along even though the invitation was only addressed Mr. and Mrs.

FYI I am in total agreement with the 150+ who voted that they assume it only means them and their spouse. I started this thread because I am trying to understand why people would bring along children to a simcha when I only addressed the invite Mr. and Mrs. and I am not talking about family, these are random people
to save on.baby sitter
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 03 2018, 1:13 pm
Rappel wrote:
Also in Israel, Torani. IME:

Americans in Israel tend to make their weddings at night, and don't expect children unless expressly invited.

Israelis in Israel tend to make their weddings during the day, would be surprised and possibly hurt if you left your children at home.

Guess which weddings I choose go to... Wink

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding during the day. Probably most of the weddings I've ever been to were dati torani. Maybe some before shkia in the summer. But I wouldn't consider that day.
I've been to a handful of casual weddings where a lot of close friends brought they're children but I assume they got a "family" invitation. It was quite common when I was getting married for the bride to add a few personal words on the invitation - some of my friends asked close friendd to bring their kids.
But we are at that age where we hardly go to weddings. Maybe things have changed.

The people who brought all their children to our wedding were into attachment parenting. They didn't go anywhere without them and all slepped together in one bedroom full of mattresses. I guess this could be the reason peoples bring uninvited guestd to your simchas too.
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