How should I discipline my son?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Slateblue

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 11:53 am

Someone sent us sufganiyot today and we gave them out to the kids after we lit. There was exactly enough for one for each child. My 9-year-old ate and then left to Avos Ubanim. Shortly after, my 5-year-old asked me where his sufganiya was, as he had not yet had any yet the box was empty. After asking around, it turns out that the 9-year-old ate one and then took another one along with him to Avos Ubanim, knowing that he was only supposed to get one. He will be back soon. Any suggestions as to how to handle this?

amother

Red

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 11:57 am

non emotionally. I would say "since you chose to eat two, you are choosing to spend your money to buy another one for your brother." I would prefer he o to the store and get it. Deduct it from his Chanukah Gelt if need be. Hatzlacha!

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 12:01 pm

This is a great idea, but I already sent another child out to buy him one since he was very distraught about not having one and the guilty one wasn't home. I paid for it, but I probably should have him pay me back for it.

amother

Red

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 12:03 pm

Yup so reword it to reflect that you are expecting repayment!

simcha2

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 12:31 pm

He should also apologize to his brother.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 12:40 pm

simcha2 wrote:

He should also apologize to his brother.

Absolutely.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 3:38 pm

Ill be following as my child does this often and wouldnt have any money if he had to buy to replace. I have not figured out a good way to discipline yet for this.

Op, does ur son do this often? Is this a one time thing?

amother

Black

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:14 pm

Are you sure he was aware that his taking another one meant someone else wouldn't have?

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:27 pm

I grew up in a family that doled out treats very sparingly. I.e. 2 cookies exactly per kid as after school snack, if you wanted another you had to "snitch" one and be nervous about getting caught (and parents who overreacted when somebody did snitch, crying aloud about having a child who "stole"), and in retrospect this was not an emotionally healthy way to grow up. Maybe to the above poster, he can do a chore around the house to earn the money to replace the sibling's treat...but maybe also consider if his needs are truly being met.

amother

Mustard

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 5:54 pm

Can you explain your comment, tangerine, about "considering if OP's son's needs are being met?" Why would you turn the situation around and make a comment like that? The child obviously doesn't need two donuts. Most bakery donuts that I see are so large, no child really should be eating a whole one. Are you suggesting that the OP may be normally stingy with treats so when her son saw an opportunity to have two he just couldn't help himself?

It is amazing to me nowadays that there are so many people who just need to jump on the "the parents must be doing something wrong raising their kids; that's why they are misbehaving" bandwagon. Maybe her kid did something naughty just because he is a kid.

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:01 pm

I would have been happy to if you had asked in a kindly manner, rather than a belittling unkind way. Your tone does not deserve a response.

PinkFridge

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 7:55 am

amother wrote:

I would have been happy to if you had asked in a kindly manner, rather than a belittling unkind way. Your tone does not deserve a response.

I was going to say something to mustard but I will respect your wishes.

Edited for the correct amother color.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Fri, Dec 07 2018, 10:35 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 8:45 am

OP here. Our kids get treats galore, probably too many. Turns out he took because he mistakenly thought everyone got sufganiyot the day before as well and he did not. I explained that even if that were the case, he should have spoken to us about it instead of taking his brother's donut. He apologized and will give us 2 shekels from his Chanukah gelt.

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