Advice needed pls I'm going crazy with my toddler!

amother

Rose

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 4:57 am

Hi all I'm new here, had my second baby few weeks ago.. my daughter who's almost 3 was out for 2 weeks at grandmother and was happy slept well etc. But since she came back to me she's letting it all out and I'm not sure how to deal with her anymore. Our biggest problem is bedtime she screams and cries unless my husband or I sit with her until she falls asleep. We figured it's worth it, she's having it hard and stayed with her to hold the peace. But now she's waking up in middle of night and having slept abit will not go back to sleep easily...last night she held my husband captive for 2plus hrs till he had enough and she screamed herself to sleep, another 45 mins. Our days have been impossible, due to us all being overtired and I'm struggling to show her love and keep up with her demands on so little sleep and with a newborn to look after as well. Anyone experienced this and has any advice or chizuk? That would be very much appreciated!

amother

Ecru

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 5:01 am

It made me think of this analogy. Imagine your husband send you to a nice hotel for 2 weeks. You had an awesome time thought you'd come home and everything would be as it always is. You come home and your husband has a new wife. She gets all the attention.. wouldn't you scream and want him to stay with you for 2 hours? Wouldn't you have ridiculous demands just to get the "normal" life back? I'd definitely throw a fit! So as much as it's annoying.. it's so understandable. She lost her throne... Her position in the family as the only one. Poor thing is just fighting for her throne Sad

amother

Rose

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 5:07 am

amother wrote:

Op here. Thanks for you're response. I've heard this analogy and appreciate it and that's why we're trying in every way we can to tell her how much we love her and make her feel special though it can be very hard to when she's tantruming about everything and is super overtired.. however at the same time I'm worried about the way she's getting manipulative and controlling us, don't kids need boundaries too? Where do you draw the line?

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 11:39 am

amother wrote:

I don't think now is the time for boundaries. She is probably scared to go to sleep at night because she is scared you wont be there in the morning. You need to give her a lot of love and attention now to gain back her trust.

amother

Vermilion

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 12:03 pm

It's very normal for kids to act out after mom has a baby. Even my 8 & 11 year old acted out. Give her as much attention as possible, even if it means letting the baby cry for afew moments. Try to include her in baby care and treat her as a baby, not as a big girl. Maybe get her a gift from the baby. It takes time for the whole family to settle into a new routine post baby.

groovy1224

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 12:08 pm

How long has this been going on? A few days?

It's too late now, but maybe being away for 2 weeks was too much for her- that's quite a while for a 3 year old. And as a PP stated, to come back and find everything different- seems natural that there will be an adjustment period.

I would react to her tantrums the same way you always would (my prefered method is to ignore) but shower her with praise when she behaves, give her 'big sister' jobs, be extra affectionate even when she is driving you crazy. This too shall pass.

jewishmom6

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 12:14 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

I agree with this. Give her loads of attention, try to sit and play with her during the day and give her tonz of love. I find my 3 yr old acts out when she needs more ATT, love. When I talk to her in a calm, mature and loving way she thrives. I also make her my big helper. She bakes with me, cleans with or for me, we shmooze together. She loves when I treat her with respect and care.

Also, I just want to add that the book Joyful Toddlers was a changer for me. It made me relate to my kids so much better. I became a much calmer mother. I know it can get crazy stressful when one kid behaves like this.

amother

Ecru

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 2:46 pm

amother wrote:

I understand your worry. But now isn't the time for boundaries because I think she would misunderstand it and think it's because of the new baby. So if you can cut her some slack... Try to spend time with her and hold her, sing for her etc. Once she feels secure again she will be a sweet angel again. Insecurity makes people behave in ways they never behaved. Hatzlacha!