Teaching children to own their problems

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Brunette

Mon, Dec 10 2018, 4:40 am

Anyone have ideas how one can teach a child to own his/her problem? Whenever this child misbehaves its always everyone else's fault. I need the child to understand that regardless of whatever else is going on s/he is responsible for their reactions and behaviors. In other words they can choose to act or react. They're not as helpless as they think they are.

amother

Lime

Mon, Dec 10 2018, 8:17 am

Youll need to talk then and role model. Walk the child through the thought process many many times.

For ex, the child does the behavior again. When you and the child are calm tell them I noticed that you felt xyz caused you to act that way. But I want you to see how powerful you really are. So when they happen to me this is how I do it inside my head. So and so did this. I feel .......I can do .. ........ but When these things happen there is a big OR. Or I can do this, OR I can do that. Model, talk.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Dec 10 2018, 8:45 am

Heap on the praise when they don't blame others.

amother

Maroon

Mon, Dec 10 2018, 10:23 am

following

dankbar

Mon, Dec 10 2018, 10:29 am

If you make him apologize but forgiving him after that. Dont make him feel bad that he did wrong. Tell him everyone makes mistakes & it's ok & if he says sorry he comes clean & you accept that. When spills juice on floor, instead of yelling at what he did. Say, I know you made a mistake, so here you have a shmatte & let's clean up the mistake you made. That's means giving him a chance to rectify his wrongs. He will feel better if you accept it instead of blaming & making him feel guilty. If they get punished & labeled & can't come clean, then they won't admit they're wrong.

nchr

Mon, Dec 10 2018, 10:32 am

There also needs to be discipline. You have chosen to behave in a way that is unacceptable and therefore you need to sit on the ottoman, in the corner, in a different room, etc. Afterwards, do you know why I had to take your toy away and send you to a time out? Then the child will answer and if the answer is somoene else you say, You know only you control your behavior, you are a smart girl/boy, please tell me the real reason why. Then you talk to the child about other acceptable behaviors they can do when under similar circumstances.

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