I constantly worry if my children will turn out fine!

amother

Bronze

Tue, Dec 11 2018, 4:19 pm

I constantly worry about them...and they're all below the age of 9!

I worry about my husband's tough personality and his occasional inappropriate way of handling a misbehaving child.

I worry about my occasional unhappy, anxious state of being.

I worry because there's so much pain and suffering in the world and so many opportunities to trip up.

I worry because so many wonderful parents have dealt with the painful situation of their children suffering greatly or choosing a different path.

I get nervous thinking about mental health issues, addiction, community pressure, s-xual abuse and poverty.

Just the other day my 7 yo daughter was nagging me endlessly and interrupting me to ask a million (repeated) questions. I got quite fed up and instinctively yelled "you're driving me crazy!"

Beating myself up for that now, cuz they're so resilient and innocent now but who knows what things will look like in 12-15 years? Speechless

Cheiny

Tue, Dec 11 2018, 4:23 pm

amother wrote:

I constantly worry about them...and they're all below the age of 9!

I worry about my husband's tough personality and his occasional inappropriate way of handling a misbehaving child.

I worry about my occasional unhappy, anxious state of being.

I worry because there's so much pain and suffering in the world and so many opportunities to trip up.

I get nervous thinking about mental health issues, addiction, community pressure, s-xual abuse and poverty.

Just the other day my 7 yo daughter was nagging me endlessly and interrupting me to ask a million (repeated) questions. I got quite fed up and instinctively yelled "you're driving me crazy!"

Beating myself up for that now, cuz they're so resilient and innocent now but who knows what things will look like in 12-15 years? Speechless

That’s normal, for thoughtful, sensitive and caring mothers. Daven a lot, send them to good Yeshivos, apologize if you snap and show them any behavior you’re not proud of, and teach them right from wrong. The rest is only in Hashem’s hands.

Miri7

Tue, Dec 11 2018, 4:37 pm

I agree with Cheiny here. All people make mistakes, and showing you kids what to do when you’ve done wrong is so, so important. Apologizing to them, and identifying the behavior, gives them a good model and also demonstrates that you care.

amother

Black

Tue, Dec 11 2018, 5:01 pm

I have children of all ages ka"h, from 2 to 22. I didn't really stop worrying until my older kids became adults and I realized that they are good people. Not perfect people by any means, but fine decent human beings. I still worry about how things will work out for them when they get married and have their own families, because we struggled so much in this area, both with parnasa and issues in our marriage. But I have to accept that this is not something in my control. My husband and I did our best with the personality and tools we had to be good parents to them. We definitely failed in certain ways and I hope they will learn from our mistakes, but will probably make some of their own mistakes. My younger kids are being raised with a lot less anxiety, both because we're older and more mature and because we see that the older ones didn't turn out so bad after all.

crust

Tue, Dec 11 2018, 5:11 pm

Welcome aboard.
We all do this. Don't try to convince yourself to stop worrying because then you will worry that you are worrying...

Its our need to control the outcome (having children being what we subconsciously imagined) that causes the anxiety in first place.

In a nutshell;
Face; your subconscious desire to have great perfect studious (fill in the blank) kids.

Think; what are the things that are within my power to help them get there? Diligently do whatever is within your power. (I.g. Tfilla and a balanced chinuch.)

Acknowledge; what's God's territory and become aware whenever you are trying to step into it.

Realize; your powerlessness over the outcomes.

Accept; that our kids will only be as ____ as Hashem wants.
Most fears dissolve after realizing what's within our power and what's up to Hashem.

amother

Pearl

Tue, Dec 11 2018, 8:59 pm

It's a common fear and concern. One many parents have and for me it sometimes drives my reactions or decisions. One of the things that life has taught me is that I don't know how actions/reactions or events will effect my children. That is out of my control. And my actions don't necessary dictate the outcome, it's not cause and effect but the journey in life that God has for my child. I need to do my best and do my part, forgive myself for being human and not perfect and trust that the rest is in His hands and he determines the outcomes regardless. Give yourself credit for being a caring and loving parent who is doing your best for your children and they are lucky to have you for that!!

dankbar

Tue, Dec 11 2018, 9:17 pm

Change your mindset. Start thinking that they're good & will grow up fine , then they will. If you keep thinking how will they grow up, when theyre misbehaving when they are little, you are just feeding into a negative emotional connection with them & becomes power struggle & they will continue to misbehave. Believe in them....take parenting classes if you feel you need to upgrade....& daven to Hashem....& hopefully you will have nachas!