The number one parenting question

yo'ma

Thu, Dec 13 2018, 8:54 am

aish article, why don't my kids listen to me and what should I do about it?
Do you agree and if not, what is yours?

Personally I do not agree or rather that is not it in my case. My issues are more not between me and my children, but my children between each other, like how do I get them to play nicely with each other? I'm not asking for an answer because I know for the most part, but that was always my type of question.

What's yours?

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Dec 13 2018, 10:32 am

Lolololol if only it were that simple! Ya, I don't give in to tantrums. One of my kids still tantrums to get what he wants even though it hasn't worked the last 862 times he's tried it. A different child is the type to need to be told everything 30 times before he does it. Done all the things she's said and more, we are working on it. He still needs to be repeatedly told everything. Each child has their "stuff" where for whatever reason, the usual advice just doesn't work. I always find these articles so condescending.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Dec 13 2018, 10:38 am

amother wrote:

THIS. All of it.

amother

Yellow

Thu, Dec 13 2018, 9:18 pm

Hm, I have 5 kids who sometimes listen and sometimes not. Sometimes they are too absorbed in their activity. One has a decided lazy streak. One is a toddler showing healthy defiance. My oldest has difficulty finding his stop button when he is overtired. Sometimes any of my kids can be straight out defiant. Sometimes I or a kid is in a difficult stage and our relationship isn't at its best. There are too many variables for pat advice to work.

amother

Turquoise

Fri, Dec 14 2018, 3:48 am

Yes every child needs diff approach. To my smart alec, defiant child, explanations & discussions didnt work because it only escalated into arguments, with him thinking that he's always smarter than mom. No reason was to be given, just dry discipline because I said so or disconnecting the neg emotions to avoid power struggles helped. Letting him learn on his own was sometimes needed.

To my sensitive child, harsh discipline overwhelms him. For his perfection we had to teach him that's it's ok if not everything is perfect. He does enjoy discussions & lengthy explanations & tries to follow suit & listen. Hes more of a reflective child.

For my hyperactive aggressive emotional child I have to help him regulate his emotions, give him outlets to release his energy. Calm him down by taking him on my lap or teach him how to self soothe with his blanket or send him toilet he should be normal.

For my kvetchy, super sensitive girly I need to teach her to express her wants in a normal fashion & show loads of empathy by listening, repeating back to her, tons of hugs & kisses.
So every child has their challenges that we parents have to work with

Aylat

Fri, Dec 14 2018, 5:27 am

amother wrote:

Question? What could you do to make kids grow up fine?

What do you mean by fine?

My question would be, how can I help my kids grow into emotionally healthy adults who find personal meaning and purpose in their lives.

imasinger

Fri, Dec 14 2018, 6:56 am

It's easy to sidetrack this thread away from yo'ma's question about what is your #1 parenting question, because of the flaws in the article, which, I agree, misses the boat in a lot of ways.

I'm not sure I can offer a #1 parenting question. I have different concerns at different times.

urban gypsy

Fri, Dec 14 2018, 9:46 am

amother wrote:

This sounds EXACTLY like my three!!! You are an amazing mom, I'm taking notes!!!