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People pleasing and salary



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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 5:20 pm
For a long time I worked many many extra hours, did extra work that was not mine to ease the burden and generally helped work flow. What you would call people pleasing. This did in fact give me a salary boost and endeared me at my place of work. I am now trying to be more balanced and true to myself. My question is how can I balance being a top worker to justify a high salaty with not being people pleaser. If I wasn't people pleasing all these years I would never be where I am? Or would I?
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Careers




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 6:21 pm
Its a good thing your company recognized your devotion and efforts and compensated you for it.

Usually a company that appreciates an employee will be protective of her so she should not burn out.

I don't see the people pleasing as an issue here. So you are naturally devoted? No big deal. It's only a plus.

I think the real issue is if you can assert yourself?
You can start soft. Maybe you can say- I've done A B and C till now but I realize that in order for me to excel with A and B someone else will have to do C.
I don't want to get burnt out. Is it ok if from here on I do only this and delegate this?

It might take time that all your extra responsibilities should be distributed but it's highly unlikely that they will totally refuse to relieve you.
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momsrus




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 6:33 pm
Your boss doesn’t see you as a people pleaser. He sees you as a devoted worker.

Will you still be devoted then you still deserve your salary.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 6:49 pm
Thanks for the replies. My question is maybe more of a mental health question. I hear so much about not being a people pleaser and the importance of setting boundaries and being assertive however people pleasing got me to where I am. If I hadn't slaved away as I did I would not be where I am. How do you reconcile working hard to make money and build a career with not being people pleasing?
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Careers




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 7:00 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks for the replies. My question is maybe more of a mental health question. I hear so much about not being a people pleaser and the importance of setting boundaries and being assertive however people pleasing got me to where I am. If I hadn't slaved away as I did I would not be where I am. How do you reconcile working hard to make money and build a career with not being people pleasing?


Most people have to please someone.
While an employee pleases her employer an employer works hard to please and satisfy his costumer.
There is a fine line though between devotion and over extending oneself.

I think its safe to let your gaurd down and stop pretending you can do it all. Just be a little bit more honest with yourself every day.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 7:06 pm
That is my question. What is the difference between being devoted and where it becomes toxic people pleasing.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 7:12 pm
If you were a people pleaser and didn’t get compensated for it or got taken advantage of because you were willing to do more work, then it would be a problem. Since you were compensated and this quality got you far, I don’t see what the issue is. You worked hard and got paid for, recognized, and appreciated for it which is the way it should be.
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Careers




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 7:25 pm
amother wrote:
That is my question. What is the difference between being devoted and where it becomes toxic people pleasing.


Devoting yourself to someone that doesn't appreciate you, ignores your efforts or even worse, abuses or exploits you is unhealthy people pleasing behavior.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 9:49 pm
Never feel sorry for being a nice devoted caring person or worker no matter what it's called.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Sat, Sep 28 2019, 6:23 pm
Just bumping this up. I still struggle with the idea of asking for a raise if I am not doing "people pleasing" activities. For example in the past I would work day and night, weekends holidays - non stop. I also took on a lot of work that was not mine. Naturally that led to me neglecting my home, family etc. I do want to go to a place where I work a regular 9-5 day but without all the "people pleasing". If I do that I am worried that I won't get a raise because I am actually not doing as much as I used to. How do I justify getting a big raise if I don't work beyond the norm expected.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Sat, Sep 28 2019, 6:51 pm
amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:
Just bumping this up. I still struggle with the idea of asking for a raise if I am not doing "people pleasing" activities. For example in the past I would work day and night, weekends holidays - non stop. I also took on a lot of work that was not mine. Naturally that led to me neglecting my home, family etc. I do want to go to a place where I work a regular 9-5 day but without all the "people pleasing". If I do that I am worried that I won't get a raise because I am actually not doing as much as I used to. How do I justify getting a big raise if I don't work beyond the norm expected.


You can't have it all. You have to decide which one will mean more to you.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Sat, Sep 28 2019, 6:59 pm
You did
A =x
AB=xx
Now you want to do
A =xxx?
Sorry you can't justify that and you will just get the boss pissed
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Sat, Sep 28 2019, 7:05 pm
The actual work that I am required to do by my job will be the same. It's just that it will be condensed into normal business hours which means that there will not be a response the minute a call comes in at 6pm but rather 9am the next day. As for doing extra tasks - those too can be done during work hours. The work is essentially the same - it's just that my "people pleasing" will go away so the work will not be done the minute it comes in.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Sat, Sep 28 2019, 7:10 pm
amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:
The actual work that I am required to do by my job will be the same. It's just that it will be condensed into normal business hours which means that there will not be a response the minute a call comes in at 6pm but rather 9am the next day. As for doing extra tasks - those too can be done during work hours. The work is essentially the same - it's just that my "people pleasing" will go away so the work will not be done the minute it comes in.


I don't know, bosses like workers that extend themselves. Even if the work gets done, there's a certain dedication that is appreciated when you respond 9 pm.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 28 2019, 9:30 pm
It can be a tricky line to draw, because really, the same action can be either people pleasing or devoted-worker, depending on motivation.

If I stay at work into the evening because I love my job and think my work is important, and see that staying late will be helpful, and decide it's genuinely more important than whatever else I had to do right then - I'm devoted to my job.

If I stay late at work because the boss asked me to, and I feel like I can't say "no"... Or if I decide to stay late even knowing that my family needs me at home, because the thought of being anything less than the ideal worker is terrifying to contemplate... that's people pleasing.

(Although - side note - I wouldn't call this "people pleasing" necessarily. Maybe something more work-specific. Depends on the dynamics.)

The question is, what do you want to do? And what is it that makes you think you need to still be working at 9pm?
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Sat, Sep 28 2019, 9:33 pm
I'm very similar, and I very much believe I was able to advance due to this. You don't have to do all or nothing, though. Can you check in each evening for a couple of minutes, and a couple of times over weekends, instead of being available 24/7? I think that often is being responsive that counts more than actually doing a task, so you can reply to an email: Sure thing, will do 1st thing tomorrow. You don't have to do it now.
You can also be proactive about taking care of things DURING WORK HOURS and then, when the task is sent to you, you'll say "I took care of it yesterday." Or, you can send your boss updates, showing what you did about sticky situations or high priority situations you've discussed.
Staying late during prime season (or coming early). Not dashing out of a meeting bec. the clock hit 5, and other such things show devotion and make you valuable, but don't have to impact your personal life much, if done in moderation.
Good Luck!
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 28 2019, 9:41 pm
amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:
Just bumping this up. I still struggle with the idea of asking for a raise if I am not doing "people pleasing" activities. For example in the past I would work day and night, weekends holidays - non stop. I also took on a lot of work that was not mine. Naturally that led to me neglecting my home, family etc. I do want to go to a place where I work a regular 9-5 day but without all the "people pleasing". If I do that I am worried that I won't get a raise because I am actually not doing as much as I used to. How do I justify getting a big raise if I don't work beyond the norm expected.

Do you need a big raise?

For a lot of people, working ridiculously hard to establish themselves in their career comes with the expectation that, at some point, they get to step back and stop trying so hard. I think a big part of getting over people-pleasing at work/ workaholism/ whatever you want to call it, is being able to say at some point, "yes, I would get the (raise/promotion/etc) officially proclaiming me a Good Worker if I put in 12-hour days, but that's not my priority right now."

That's #1.

#2 is - you've been doing other people's work. If you still do your own work, and do it well, you're still bringing plenty of value to your company and still "deserve" to ask for raises, etc, as usual.

and #3 - working 9-5 can actually make people more productive, if it helps them be more rested and happy. And if the choice is burnout or fewer hours, fewer hours wins from all points of view.

#4 - did you notice that you, yourself, aren't anywhere on the list? Work, home, family, etc... make sure you fit you onto the schedule. (exercise, relaxation, friends, hobbies...)
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 28 2019, 9:46 pm
Just going to put this here, in case it's relevant: If You’re So Successful, Why Are You Still Working 70 Hours a Week?
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