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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note
Do you tell your kids/dh when you are not fasting?
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Tue, Dec 18 2018, 6:14 pm
I don’t fast on the minor fasts. Dh knows. Kids don’t know. Because all their friends mothers fast... so I know they will complain to me. The preteens etc.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, Dec 18 2018, 9:44 pm
I’m wondering how many girls past bas mitzvah were fasting? Isn’t it a big deal in 7th 8th grade when the girls start having to fast? When I was in school (Bais Yaakov) it was a major thing who was fasting/ who wasn’t... And if your daughter was fasting, were you fasting too?
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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, Dec 18 2018, 9:45 pm
amother wrote:
I don’t fast on the minor fasts. Dh knows. Kids don’t know. Because all their friends mothers fast... so I know they will complain to me. The preteens etc.


So you pretend you are fasting the whole day? How do you sit down and eat when they are home?
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amother
Teal


 

Post Tue, Dec 18 2018, 9:52 pm
I’m the op- at the end, dh said he assumed I wasn’t fasting today... kids are sick and he thought he told me yesterday that I shouldn’t fast so I can take care of them.
Kids were under the weather and weren’t paying much attention but dd who is close to bas mitzvah asked me at one point if I was fasting. I told her it’s personal and not so nice to ask- especially for ladies
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Tue, Dec 18 2018, 10:12 pm
amother wrote:
I only fast yom kipper.
I dont know any women that fast asara b'teivos.


Are you from a chassidish background? In many chassidish communities, women don't fast except for Tisha B'av and YK.

In the non chassidish world, many women, including myself, do fast all of the fast days.
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erm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 18 2018, 10:25 pm
amother wrote:
I’m the op- at the end, dh said he assumed I wasn’t fasting today... kids are sick and he thought he told me yesterday that I shouldn’t fast so I can take care of them.
Kids were under the weather and weren’t paying much attention but dd who is close to bas mitzvah asked me at one point if I was fasting. I told her it’s personal and not so nice to ask- especially for ladies

I don't agree with answering like that to your daughter. You can say the truth. You need to take care of sick children and wasn't feeling strong enough to do it while fasting. She doesn't have to feel guilty, thinking you were this superwoman, for breaking her fast when she is a mother and taking care of her children.
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CHAYA R




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 18 2018, 10:27 pm
I only fast yom kipper and tisha bauv. I dont feel guilty about not fasting since I never fasted this day and no women in my family fast. Just wondering why it is that a lot of chassidisha people dont fast the "minor" fasts and the rest do. I mean I am sure not everyone but I believe a bigger percentage not chadsidish women fast
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erm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 18 2018, 10:27 pm
amother wrote:
I only fast yom kipper.
I dont know any women that fast asara b'teivos.

Most women I know fast. The only times I missed a fast was when I was expecting and not feeling well enough to complete the fast.
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aliavi




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 18 2018, 10:48 pm
erm wrote:
I don't agree with answering like that to your daughter. You can say the truth. You need to take care of sick children and wasn't feeling strong enough to do it while fasting. She doesn't have to feel guilty, thinking you were this superwoman, for breaking her fast when she is a mother and taking care of her children.


When I first read your post I thought it was harsh. It’s important to teach not to embarrass. But quickly I had the thought that the OP wouldn’t have felt awkward and “needed” to post if she had someone around her that was honest, like you suggested. Her dd may be more comfortable in the future, if an honest response was given.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 19 2018, 6:14 am
I used to think only some chassidish don't, then I went away for TBA and so many had heterim for this or that etc and when my husband went down to pray he saw them having coffee etc.
I don't even attempt minor fasts. Heimish plus kids plus migraines.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Wed, Dec 19 2018, 11:48 am
amother wrote:
So you pretend you are fasting the whole day? How do you sit down and eat when they are home?

Before they get up they go to school and they are out with friends. I don’t eat a major meal on a fast day. Just coffee and grab some fruit or cereal or small protein like cheese etc. I still try not to indulge myself on a fast day.
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 19 2018, 1:15 pm
Your question bothers me....dh and kids are two VERY different stories.

Of course I tell my dh, and we often discuss whether I should or should not fast, depending on the circumstances. I certainly do not hide it from him.

Kids do not need to know. Sometimes I will mention that I am fasting, and sometimes I say that I'm not for whatever reason, but I may be in early pregnancy and not want them to know yet, or other personal reasons. So I try not to always tell them or discuss it.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 19 2018, 1:58 pm
DH and kids know I’m not fasting because I’m nursing.
Even so I try to eat in private and no ‘treats’ to remember it’s a fast.

I’m always surprised when I see women walking around drinking and eating in public. I feel like of course you may have to for whatever reason but it would be more correct in private (unless of course you can’t wait ...)
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