Why are chasidishe weddings so expensive?

amother

Brown

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 12:57 pm

southernbubby wrote:

Broken is when it becomes so difficult that the majority have to scrap the status quo. An example is when yeshivas are full and parents are forced to put together another school. As long as there are customers for the $2K linen sets, people will still feel like that is a necessity. It will take enough people to demand lower price merchandise for it to be the new normal.

As far as the age of shidduchim, in some circles the average age has crept up due to the difficulty in finding shidduchim.

I never felt like 2 k linens are a necessity. I also don't feel like I need dior shoes or a Chanel bag. Because that's not what I can afford. People who want these things even though they have no money are superficial and spoiled and it's their parents fault. I'd never go I to debt for my kids weddings. Either we can afford it or we can't. If he doesn't wanna marry you because you don't get 2 k linens, well then I guess you're lucky because you missed out on marrying a complete idiot! 2k linens are for people who don't miss these 2 k on necessities.

amother

Brown

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 1:06 pm

amother wrote:

I was married off with tzedukah money. I was against the linens because of the expense, but I ended up getting swept along by everyone. I like shalom and don't like to push back. The linens are gorgeous and still in pristine condition. I got a set of white sheets and a set of summer linen and a heavy set for the winter. I was told this was must haves. I was offered a jewellery package which I turned down because I think the jewelry is only suitable for a teenager. I was older. I definitely would not have worn the jewelry which I told the people sponsoring my wedding. In time DH bought me the requisite jewelry and then some.

DH was given a job by a wealthy member of the community, and then his salary was doubled when we got married. We were set up in a home which we later bought. I would say we were given the equipment to go fishing and fish to eat.

So basically they sponsored your wedding and told you to buy expensive linens instead of buying cheap ones and letting another kallah have a nice chassunas aswell? If I would sponsor a wedding I'd rather sponsor 2 simple ones than 1 fancy one.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 2:27 pm

amother wrote:

You are complaining because we were married off to the same standards the community would have married off a daughter instead of praising the generosity of the community.

Some people will always find something to be miserable about and complain about. I feel bad for you for being so mean. You would rather shame a couple and make them feel less than the others.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 2:33 pm

[quote="amother"]

amother wrote:

I don't see how this is fair. Every Chassidish, I know, shops there and supports the store. Why should Vitznitz get a discount above Satmar ?[/quote
If every Chassidus would go and make that deal, believe me they'd succeed
ETA and the discount is to encourage people to go there as opposed to spending so much more money

The stuff is put together in packages. It isn't fair that one chassidish gets a bigger discount than any other chassidish.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 3:14 pm

amother wrote:

so ask your chassidus to make a deal. Its fair.

Basically the discount is because they are guaranteed more customers. Nothing stopping you from putting a similar group together

Exactly!! You're an individual.. so if let's say you have even 10 kids and you do the mall they're not making as much money as when a few hundred families are guaranteed to marry off their children, shopping by them for all their kids..

thunderstorm

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 3:58 pm

sky wrote:

I recently went to a linen store for my bedroom. The first set she showed me was $400+ (I didn’t even like it). She was like all the kallah are getting this. I was just think of the poor mother of the bride being told this in front of her daughter. And then they must buy the most drab no color or personality linen that costs a small fortune because everyone else somehow does (plus a few added throw pillows and monogramming- when I didn’t like it she started showing it me with lots of addons). When I didn’t like that they showed me s $600+ set. How is this even normal?

My MIL who lives extremely simply had me go pick out a set of linen as a housewarming gift when I purchased my house a few years ago. She sent me to a specific linen store because she already spoke to the owner and told her the price range etc.
The store is in this tiny basement in a house. She began pointing to different sets, that I could get. I never looked at the prices since it was a gift . I chose a simple cotton set with a print of a pretty flower on it ... no bed skirts , throw pillows... just two fitted sheets, two duvet covers , 2 shams and 2 pillowcases and it was $500!
I sleep on $500 linen and the quality is terrible . It washes so badly, wrinkles and doesn't lay nicely. My other set of linen is from IKEA and I spent about $160 total on two beds.
I do have to say , I had close neighbors and family friends that married me off to "their" standards as a form of chesed to me. I'm forever grateful. But I did get 6 sets of Ben Barber linen (19 yrs ago) and it did amount to about $2200 in linen sets. Those sets (because I had so many) lasted for about 15 years. I still use some of it for extra guests etc when I have lots of people sleeping over. Those sets that I had , were definitely better quality than the $500 set that I have now. And if you've read my other posts you know that I am a plain Jane, simple, no frills and frugal woman and I sleep on $500 linen ...
So to those that think only rich people buy expensive linen, that's not true. My DH even called my MIL from the store to make sure it wasn't a misunderstanding. She said she knew , but those were the prices.
I bought an $80 set there too on a clearance sale for my guest room. The rubber around the fitted sheets popped after two washings. So that was not worth it either.
Don't know what to say, but purchasing linens in frum stores is expensive.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 5:02 pm

amother wrote:

I buy linen in Israel for 350-500 NIS a set, solid cotton, and it lasts a decade at least. (At that point it's still good, but faded). And I wash them on 60 degrees all the time.

I shop in the regular stores here. Is the linen so bad in America?

I don't think the linen is so bad. I buy high end linen for my kids. It is cheaper than the frum stores. They do sell kids linen for good prices especially before Pesach.

It is a certain look they have. DH wants suede color block monogrammed linen. I can't bring myself to spend the money. Nor do I want to sleep under a suede covered duvet. It defeats the purpose of buying a high end down comforter with a high fil level. I rather have a plain cotton duvet and enjoy the benefits of the down.

amother

Cerise

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 5:31 pm

Cornflower, I would really appreciate if you would share with us how your husband developed a desire for that particular type of linen. Is this something that he "learned" about from people he learns with, works with? His family? I've been married for over 20 years, have purchased all my own linen during that time and have never even heard of suede linen. Thankfully, my husband's doesn't get involved in such things. They are completely unimportant to him. Where do these "needs" come from? Of course, we don't have high end comforters or blankets. I've never spent more than $20 on either and have been using the same ones since I've been married.

southernbubby

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 6:05 pm

As far as expensive weddings go, years ago we used to get people from Israel collecting tzedukah to marry off their kids. Eventually these people became very numerous so some people were probably forced to reduce the amount that they gave each one. It now seems like we get fewer people collecting for their children's weddings, although I am sure that some posters never saw a decrease in people knocking on the door for that reason.

So if all of these excessive expectations are depending on tzedukah, are g'virim meeting these expectations?

amother

cornflower

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 6:27 pm

amother wrote:

We were guests in someone's house, and DH loved the linens. There is no question they are beautiful.

The questions I have concern how practical they are. I wash my duvet covers weekly. Is suede washable? What happens if something spills on them? What happens if a kid plays with the nap? Do they allow the duvet to breath?

A good down comforter will keep you cool in 85° weather and warm in 0° weather. Will the duvet still work properly with a suede duvet cover?

chanchy123

Wed, Dec 26 2018, 4:47 am

amother wrote:

I was also wondering how one would wash suede linen, that seems so unpractical. I've never even heard of suede linen.

amother

Brown

Wed, Dec 26 2018, 4:52 am

amother wrote:

This!
My husband couldn't care less about linens and so do I. I want them to look pretty, like I wouldn't get Brown and yellow linens with green dots lol but ours are cheap and we sleep very well in them. Yes we've slept over at a families house that must have had expensive ones, they did feel much softer. But that didn't make me wanna spend more than 20$ on ours. Sitting in a Porsche with leather seats is also nicer than sitting in a Toyota.. it's still not a need, it's just luxury.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Dec 26 2018, 9:44 am

amother wrote:

By the same token, much of what is taken as a need is a luxury. The sibling gifts, new clothes, the khallah jewelry, silver, furniture, etc...

But the standards of living keep increasing. Cell phones used to be a luxury of the wealthy. Now, even the poorest have them thanks to government programs.

If ALL your friends and family live a certain way, then it is mean spirited to marry off a poor girl with less than what every single other girl has.