Unsolicited advice

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Unsolicited advice

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FranticFrummie

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 12:13 pm

I'm 53 years old, I've had a hysterectomy, and I'm post menopausal - BUT, I look young.

Why do so many people need to bentch me that I will have many more children? Fortunately I'm past the stage where it feels like a dagger in my heart, but it still makes for an awkward situation all around. I usually just smile and say thank you, but deep down I think "That's awfully personal."

Oh yeah, don't even get me started on Chronic Fatigue. "Have you tried..." At wits end

or "Why don't you just..." Banging head

and "My cousin's boss's stepmom's mailman tried... and it cured his terminal pancreatic cancer!" Confused

There's a reason why I'm a pretty quiet person IRL, and I tend to keep to myself. Some days I just don't have the energy to deal with it all. I know everyone means well, and I don't hold it against anyone, I just... blargh. Sooooo tired of it all. Sad

amother

Papaya

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 12:19 pm

amother wrote:

I once offered unsolicited advice to a mother whose child was standing up in a stroller she was pushing. I told her that I'd seen a child fall out once, and that her child could fall, as well.

She gave me such a withering look and said, "Thank you. Really. Thank you."

Even though I knew she was the one being stupid, she made ME feel so stupid.

That's all it takes. Just say, "Thank you. Really, thank you." And give a withering look. They'll shut right up.

I had a similar experience. My lady's baby was playing with her late takeout container of coffee. I cautioned her that the baby could get burned. I got the withering look and was told she isn't strong enough to pull it over.

Well, guess what happened?

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 12:40 pm

amother wrote:

So? It was going to happen with or without you saying anything. I hope you didn’t mention this to do an “I told you so” gloat. I agree that a young child shouldn’t be playing with a hot coffee but I wouldn’t have intervened.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 12:53 pm

"When I get advice, I never get confused.
I know just what to do: I pass it on UNUSED!"

heidi

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 2:14 pm

amother wrote:

Babies who fall out of strollers often end up with skull fractures
A burnt child is a terrible terrible thing
I'm not sure if people should give advice. But if you already got the advice it may be worth taking to heart. For example, a child that refuses to sit in a stroller can walk or be carried

imasoftov

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:08 am

amother wrote:

So? It was going to happen with or without you saying anything.

How do you know that?

amother

Natural

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 8:05 pm

Delete

Last edited by amother on Tue, Feb 12 2019, 1:12 am; edited 1 time in total

Fox

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:28 pm

smileforamile wrote:

With my DH, sometimes if he gets his fixer-upper hat on, I will tell him that I'm just looking for empathy. He's good about adjusting.

I was just thinking about this. Men are notorious for assuming that when their wives bring up a problem or situation, they are asking their husbands to find a solution.

There are plenty of women like this, too, though. I once had an acquaintance who would pepper every single encounter with unsolicited advice.

I finally realized that she saw every minor complaint, no matter how small, as something she should personally address. If I were clutching a tissue, she might ask if I had a cold or allergies. If I said, "Yes, I've had a cold the last few days," I was bound to get an earful about all her cold remedies. And so on.

The solution was two-fold: I became more cautious about saying anything that might sound like a problem, and I reminded myself that while I my intention was just making conversation, she heard a complaint about the weather and began searching for a solution.

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